Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
Ok, Steak - Have you ever even thought to OPEN the Bible? Sex in the Bible is encouraged (after marriage) it is said to be a enjoyable, passionate thing to finally become one with your partner & that a woman's bodys is the mans and the mans body is the womans. i think you came to the wrong spot to give me advise, your basically telling me to get ready for divorce, did you not read my post for HELP? it said "i DON'T want to be like this", not "can someone please accept me & tell me sex is dirty- don't have sex"
Its pretty full on when you've grown being told don't have sex before marriage, then you get married and suddenly anything goes?! Did you ever wonder MAYBE i had self esteem issues? or i'm embarrassed? Geez, FYI i have PLENTY of EXTREMELY sexually active Christian girlfriends whose upbringing in the Church was the same as mine.
Thank you Zapod, for sticking up for my beliefs as Christian and a Woman.
And everyone else, didn't realise how much help i could get!
Mgirl - looking forward to the PM
Checking out books and links etc..
I have a Councillor appt today, hopefully all goes well!
You're 95% sure your parents had basically a sexless marriage? I suspect that's at the root of your problem. How would you know what a healthy sexual relationship even looks like? What you brought to the marriage knowing about being a wife was learned by watching your mom. If she wasn't comfortable being sexual or romantic, then, there ya go. The good news is that you have everything you need right now to be and to experience everything God intended you to. I think the counselor is a great place to start and if you both keep searching long enough, I bet y'all figure this problem out together. In the meantime, even if you don't feel like having sex, don't neglect to act romantic and loving to your husband. To a guy, a rejected sexual advance feels a lot like he's being rejected. Refused sex can feel like refused love and not many marriages can tolerate that for long. Push come to shove, he can give himself an orgasm but he can't give himself love, affirmation, nurturing. That's your job and you're the only woman on earth he should get those things from. Smooch, cuddle, take long walks, have him brush your hair, give him massages. Do whatever you can to stay intimate even if you don't magically feel like having sex.
Ok, Steak - Have you ever even thought to OPEN the Bible? Sex in the Bible is encouraged (after marriage) it is said to be a enjoyable, passionate thing to finally become one with your partner & that a woman's bodys is the mans and the mans body is the womans. i think you came to the wrong spot to give me advise, your basically telling me to get ready for divorce, did you not read my post for HELP? it said "i DON'T want to be like this", not "can someone please accept me & tell me sex is dirty- don't have sex"
Its pretty full on when you've grown being told don't have sex before marriage, then you get married and suddenly anything goes?! Did you ever wonder MAYBE i had self esteem issues? or i'm embarrassed? Geez, FYI i have PLENTY of EXTREMELY sexually active Christian girlfriends whose upbringing in the Church was the same as mine.
I'm not saying you should get divorced. I do think though that your husband should accept the fact that you dislike sex.
You can't force yourself to like something. You are who you are. And you happen to be a person who dislikes sex, theres nothing wrong with that. Most women are just like you. You are completley normal.
"sexually active Christian girlfriends"
They might be active but I don't think they like sex, or would even bother to have sex unless their hubby initiated it.
It's probably the type of sex where it's missionary only while the woman waits for the man to be done with it already. Christian women... and women in general regardless of religion have a very conservative and prudeish view on sex.
It's not just that you are Christian.
It's in your nature as a woman to dislike sex, regardless if you are Christian or an Atheist or whatever.
How would you know what a healthy sexual relationship even looks like?
To women a healthy sexual relationship is one that... has no sex, its one where the man begs for it and gets rejected over and over and over again while she witholds it. THAT is a "healthy" sexual relationship to women.
I'm not saying you should get divorced. I do think though that your husband should accept the fact that you dislike sex.
You can't force yourself to like something. You are who you are. And you happen to be a person who dislikes sex, theres nothing wrong with that. Most women are just like you. You are completley normal.
"sexually active Christian girlfriends"
They might be active but I don't think they like sex, or would even bother to have sex unless their hubby initiated it.
It's probably the type of sex where it's missionary only while the woman waits for the man to be done with it already. Christian women... and women in general regardless of religion have a very conservative and prudeish view on sex.
It's not just that you are Christian.
It's in your nature as a woman to dislike sex, regardless if you are Christian or an Atheist or whatever.
So what do you expect my husband do to? masturbate in the shower every morning cos his Christian wife wont satisfy him? i don't need to explain myself to you, you are very unhelpful in this situation. Telling me to accept myself and our sexless marriage is saying "get ready for divorce" as,how long do you think my husband will stick around for if i did that? mm don't bother replying, its just wasting time & making me feel worse.
So what do you expect my husband do to? masturbate in the shower every morning cos his Christian wife wont satisfy him? i don't need to explain myself to you, you are very unhelpful in this situation. Telling me to accept myself and our sexless marriage is saying "get ready for divorce" as,how long do you think my husband will stick around for if i did that? mm don't bother replying, its just wasting time & making me feel worse.
As far as I know Christians don't believe in divorce, especially not Catholics.
So don't worry, He might feel frustrated, sad, depressed, rejected, unloved... but he is not gonna leave you even if you don't want to have sex. Marriage is until death do you apart no?
You got him trapped, you got the upper hand over him, you got control over him. He is trapped in a sexless marriage until death... If he wants to be a good Christian atleast. Divorcing is pretty much a sin right?
So what do you expect my husband do to? masturbate in the shower every morning cos his Christian wife wont satisfy him? i don't need to explain myself to you, you are very unhelpful in this situation. Telling me to accept myself and our sexless marriage is saying "get ready for divorce" as,how long do you think my husband will stick around for if i did that? mm don't bother replying, its just wasting time & making me feel worse.
Don't be like that HOW can you possibly feel bad?
You got your husband right where you want him, You got all the power in your marriage. You got the upper hand over him.
The one who wants sex less always has power over the one who wants it more.
She DOES have the upper hand over him, so she's got nothing to feel bad about.
She doesn't have it hard, for her the situation is good. Yet she acts like she is struggling. Why? Theres no need to feel sorry for her. She isn't suffering AT ALL... her husband probably is though.
If anything, her husband has it 10x as "hard". He's stuck in a sexless marriage and has been for the past 2 years with a woman who obviously has a alot of hang ups about sex and generally dislikes it.
Can you refrain from posting anything, you are no help & are causing more problems then fixing them. I've listened to your advice, i don't agree- bad luck, now go away.
Good luck in your counseling session! It wouldn't be a bad idea to make an appt with your doctor. Maybe you have some underlying metabolic issue?
Thanks Craggy, ive always wondered that, i'll see how my Counselling goes, i'm pretty much open for anything! I think i've got some selfish issues to work with.
Re: No sexual drive, ever! Help! 
HOW can you possibly feel bad?
