Wife feels "touched out" - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #16 of 1847 (permalink) Old 08-10-2015, 11:27 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife feels "touched out"

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Originally Posted by SecondTime'Round View Post
Your wife is a stay at home single mother most of the time. She needs a break. I remember feeling "touched out" when mine were little, too, and I had a helpful husband who was home every night.
That's the problem, I've told her I take care of the kids so she can go do something, even a weekend away. She doesn't like my job any other time, but doesn't seem to mind that she has all these hotel points and frequent flyer miles she can use if all she does is ask. Taking care of the baby is rough just because he is nursing, but I can work through it.
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post #17 of 1847 (permalink) Old 08-10-2015, 11:55 AM
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Re: Wife feels "touched out"

Wait out the breast feeding, then if it doesn't change address it.

My god, 3 kids by herself all week long with one hanging off her boob and you people think she is cheating? Really!!
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post #18 of 1847 (permalink) Old 08-10-2015, 12:05 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife feels "touched out"

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Wait out the breast feeding, then if it doesn't change address it.

My god, 3 kids by herself all week long with one hanging off her boob and you people think she is cheating? Really!!
I don't believe she is cheating, I don't think she has the time and she has also seen first hand what it does.
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post #19 of 1847 (permalink) Old 08-10-2015, 12:12 PM
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Re: Wife feels "touched out"

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Wait out the breast feeding, then if it doesn't change address it.

My god, 3 kids by herself all week long with one hanging off her boob and you people think she is cheating? Really!!
lol, I agree. This woman is not cheating.
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post #20 of 1847 (permalink) Old 08-10-2015, 12:12 PM
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Re: Wife feels "touched out"

Well I can see her point of view my middle daughters were a bit closer than that 1 and 3. When they were pre school the demanded a huge amount of Touch and the competition for dad lap time only made it more. I spent he first hour home every night with 2 kids in my lap. I don't know how Wife and D#1 ever got any time with me. A 9 year old son needs a lot of Dad time. He needs more than sports, he needs doing and making, and adventuring.

I know that you (Zdog) are focused on the marriage needs right now, and that is right. Without the survival of the marriage, when this calms down in a few years, there will be nothing to reconnect to. If you want to connect to your wife while she is washing dishes, Don't put your hands on her, put them in the water.

Aside from that I do agree with Conan Get that book.
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post #21 of 1847 (permalink) Old 08-10-2015, 12:18 PM
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Re: Wife feels "touched out"

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If you want to connect to your wife while she is washing dishes, Don't put your hands on her, put them in the water.
Quote of the day, right there.
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post #22 of 1847 (permalink) Old 08-10-2015, 12:40 PM
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Re: Wife feels "touched out"

Ok, just to summarize, you have 3 kids, 2of them below 5 years old, and you are gone from Monday thru Friday traveling. No emotional connection and she's with the kids almost all of the time. This is bad, you need to cut down the travel time if you want her to feel desirous again. She rarely sees you, so how can she want a connection with you?

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post #23 of 1847 (permalink) Old 08-10-2015, 12:41 PM
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Re: Wife feels "touched out"

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She could be shopping and getting home improvement items when you aren't there. I understand your son wanting time with you.
For her to arrange errands the only days you are home is bad.
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Yeah, but you try arranging grocery shopping, errands and getting home improvement stuff on your own with a nursing 1 year old and rwo other kids, one only 3.
I guess she is maxed out. He is "swanning about" all week free from responsibility for the kids, whilst she soldiers on day and night on her own.
As someone else said he IS basically a stranger showing up and then wanting sex at the weekends.

This is 9 years now, shouldering all this on her own, I guess she is just tired of it - burnt out.
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post #24 of 1847 (permalink) Old 08-10-2015, 01:10 PM
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Re: Wife feels "touched out"

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She could be shopping and getting home improvement items when you aren't there. I understand your son wanting time with you.

For her to arrange errands the only days you are home is bad.
Ok I am the NUMBER ONE SAHP needs to suck it up and get stuff done with his or her kids in tow. BUT one year old is still pretty young. She has TWO nappers at home. So getting those errands done can be hard.

Balance, understanding and compromise here would be bet #1. For many SAHPs, their partners come home at the end of the day, and they can tag team chores and errands. This is not the case for her.


Quote:
Your marriage is in pretty bad shape and you are in danger of having a WAW or a cheating one.
Baffling. What SAHM of a 3yo and a 1yo who is breastfeeding has the capacity to even CONSIDER an affair? That is mind numbing.

Quote:
Something needs work yesterday. Often times men are the last to realize their marriage is over. Yours is probably close.

Reconnect with your wife. Your kids are important but your relationship with your wife is more so.

Make her a priority. Get that book and read it with her.

I bet her love languages are quality time and maybe acts of service.
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Love language is important. BUT it is not the cure all. What I found it helped me for was to HEAR when he was speaking HIS love language at me. It is brutally hard to change the main activitiy that speaks love to someone else' language. I can manage touch (remember it actually) a teeny percentage of the time he would really prefer it. But since educating ourselves, we know WHY and can appreciate the other one.
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post #25 of 1847 (permalink) Old 08-10-2015, 01:28 PM
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Re: Wife feels "touched out"

Sometimes I wonder if every wife who isn't on her back with her legs enthusiastically spread every time hubby gets an itch is cheating.
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post #26 of 1847 (permalink) Old 08-10-2015, 01:36 PM
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Re: Wife feels "touched out"

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Ok I am the NUMBER ONE SAHP needs to suck it up and get stuff done with his or her kids in tow. BUT one year old is still pretty young. She has TWO nappers at home. So getting those errands done can be hard.

Balance, understanding and compromise here would be bet #1. For many SAHPs, their partners come home at the end of the day, and they can tag team chores and errands. This is not the case for her.



Baffling. What SAHM of a 3yo and a 1yo who is breastfeeding has the capacity to even CONSIDER an affair? That is mind numbing.



Love language is important. BUT it is not the cure all. What I found it helped me for was to HEAR when he was speaking HIS love language at me. It is brutally hard to change the main activitiy that speaks love to someone else' language. I can manage touch (remember it actually) a teeny percentage of the time he would really prefer it. But since educating ourselves, we know WHY and can appreciate the other one.
You would be so surprised at the behavior I have witnessed over the years.

I have seen men swoop in and start picking up the slack in a situation like this and an affair starts.

I'm actually pointing my blasters at OP.

There situation is bad! I'm not saying the wife is bad. His marriage is probably closer to being done than he realizes.

The book I recommended will make them sit down together and focus on each other.

The reason I am saying how she sets up errands for when he is around is bad is because her priority on her relationship has been sidelined.

Errands are important but don't fulfill each other emotionally. A roommate can help run errands.

Again. Not calling the wife bad. Her actions do not speak well for the state of their marriage.

Nobody. There are also different factors at play with you that could easily alter your outcome of reading the suggested book.
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post #27 of 1847 (permalink) Old 08-10-2015, 01:41 PM
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Re: Wife feels "touched out"

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Originally Posted by lifeistooshort View Post
Sometimes I wonder if every wife who isn't on her back with her legs enthusiastically spread every time hubby gets an itch is cheating.
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Well I didn't say she was but she is certainly at an increased risk for it or WAW syndrome.

I actually haven't even touched on the sex issue yet. I believe OPs marriage has been sliding for too long and she is or has checked out.
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post #28 of 1847 (permalink) Old 08-10-2015, 01:46 PM
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Re: Wife feels "touched out"

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Originally Posted by ConanHub View Post
Again. Not calling the wife bad. Her actions do not speak well for the state of their marriage.
I think that would be an unhelpful focus. THEY have a problem. That problem is

- Three small children, 2 nappers, 1 still breastfeeding.
- Husband who travels the entirety of every work week.

Something has to give.

Quote:
Nobody. There are also different factors at play with you that could easily alter your outcome of reading the suggested book.
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I am not sure how I could have shared my takeaway from the book without having read the book, though it was a long time ago. Not sure my outcomes are in question here since things are pretty peachy right now.
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post #29 of 1847 (permalink) Old 08-10-2015, 01:50 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife feels "touched out"

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Originally Posted by ConanHub View Post
Well I didn't say she was but she is certainly at an increased risk for it or WAW syndrome.

I actually haven't even touched on the sex issue yet. I believe OPs marriage has been sliding for too long and she is or has checked out.
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I don't think she has completely checked out. It has to be a perfect storm for things to happen. We do have sexual activities maybe every 3 weeks, possibly every other. Sex is usually once a month, maybe twice. I do try the back massages and things like that so it is not just quickie sex but most of the time that is what it ends up being.
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post #30 of 1847 (permalink) Old 08-10-2015, 01:56 PM
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Re: Wife feels "touched out"

Tell her you're talked out.

Is there such thing as insanity among penguins? - Werner Herzog
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