Wife feels "touched out" - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #31 of 1847 (permalink) Old 08-10-2015, 02:06 PM
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Re: Wife feels "touched out"

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I think that would be an unhelpful focus. THEY have a problem. That problem is

- Three small children, 2 nappers, 1 still breastfeeding.
- Husband who travels the entirety of every work week.

Something has to give.



I am not sure how I could have shared my takeaway from the book without having read the book, though it was a long time ago. Not sure my outcomes are in question here since things are pretty peachy right now.
You are certainly missing what I am saying. I am not trying to get OP to focus on changing her actions to better the marriage. I am pointing them out as warning signs.

I am suggesting a commitment of time from both of them to go through the book and do the questions.

I believe it will be an excellent first step and, if followed, will result in a drastic improvement of their marital satisfaction.

Each of their emotional needs are not being met with her in worse shape than her husband.

OP. Her reaction to being touched by you does mean she is in the process of checking out at some level.

Her needs are not being met. She is building resentment towards you.
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post #32 of 1847 (permalink) Old 08-10-2015, 02:18 PM
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Re: Wife feels "touched out"

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This X 1000. From her perspective she's a single parent and then you show up wanting sex, but since you're never there she isn't bonded to you. You're a stranger who pays bills and shows up on the weekend looking for sex.

Please consider looking for another job so you can bond with your wife.
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Bingo! You appear to be just another person in the home requiring her attention. Look for a job that keeps you home as much as possible. Four kids to take care of by one's self is not an easy task. Then throw in another person to look after...

“You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.”
― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road
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post #33 of 1847 (permalink) Old 08-10-2015, 02:20 PM
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Re: Wife feels "touched out"

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Wait out the breast feeding, then if it doesn't change address it.

My god, 3 kids by herself all week long with one hanging off her boob and you people think she is cheating? Really!!
That would be multi-tasking on a different level.

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post #34 of 1847 (permalink) Old 08-10-2015, 02:24 PM
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Re: Wife feels "touched out"

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You are certainly missing what I am saying. I am not trying to get OP to focus on changing her actions to better the marriage. I am pointing them out as warning signs.
I see your bet and raise you!

I totally understand what you are saying. I am disagreeing with you.

Agree Or Be Wrong T by cafepretzel




Quote:
I am suggesting a commitment of time from both of them to go through the book and do the questions.

I believe it will be an excellent first step and, if followed, will result in a drastic improvement of their marital satisfaction.
I agree with that advice.
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post #35 of 1847 (permalink) Old 08-10-2015, 02:28 PM
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Re: Wife feels "touched out"

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I see your bet and raise you!

I totally understand what you are saying. I am disagreeing with you.

Agree Or Be Wrong T by cafepretzel






I agree with that advice.
If you don't think her behavior shows a danger sign concerning their marriage then we do disagree.

I have seen it happen over and over like a very predictable pattern for eventual destruction of marriages.

This marriage is in trouble.
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post #36 of 1847 (permalink) Old 08-10-2015, 02:37 PM
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Re: Wife feels "touched out"

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If you don't think her behavior shows a danger sign concerning their marriage then we do disagree.

I have seen it happen over and over like a very predictable pattern for eventual destruction of marriages.

This marriage is in trouble.
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I was being entirely goofy. I think you are right.
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post #37 of 1847 (permalink) Old 08-10-2015, 02:39 PM
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Re: Wife feels "touched out"

P.S. I am positive and his time away from his family is the key issue.

I was probably being too obtuse about what seemed obvious to me.
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post #38 of 1847 (permalink) Old 08-10-2015, 02:42 PM
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Re: Wife feels "touched out"

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I was being entirely goofy. I think you are right.
Sorry. I might be a little thick today.

His distance from his family is the obvious factor.
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post #39 of 1847 (permalink) Old 08-10-2015, 02:42 PM
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Re: Wife feels "touched out"

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Sorry. I might be a little thick today.

His distance from his family is the obvious factor.
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Or my joke was dumb!
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post #40 of 1847 (permalink) Old 08-10-2015, 02:49 PM
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Re: Wife feels "touched out"

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If you don't think her behavior shows a danger sign concerning their marriage then we do disagree.

I have seen it happen over and over like a very predictable pattern for eventual destruction of marriages.

This marriage is in trouble.
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I'd suggest that him being fine with being away from his wife and kids 5 days a week suggests it's own issues. Nobody who's that invested in the family would be ok with that. There's nothing to suggest he's even considered looking for a job that allows him to be home. I'd suspect a woman working away from home like this would tagged a selfish wife and mother. How does one maintain an intimate relationship when they're hardly ever together?

If he was getting sex he'd apparently be fine with being away most of the time. That's why he's here right? What does that tell you?

I agree the marriage is in trouble.
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post #41 of 1847 (permalink) Old 08-10-2015, 03:02 PM
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Re: Wife feels "touched out"

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I usually fly out Monday and am back on Friday. It varies from week to week but it is usually that. Sometimes it can be Monday-Wednesday. Just depends. I've been looking for jobs that are at home, however they are lower paying than I am making now. That is a huge thing considering she is a stay at home mom.
Your #1 priority right now needs to be looking for a new job closer to home, where you can actually be with your family. If the jobs are lower paying, then look for ways to cut back and make it work. You can get rid of cable, switch internet plans, switch cell phone planes, get rid of a home phone(only using cells), shop around for the lowest insurance coverage, shop sales and buy used, do some haircuts at home, cut back on extras(sports, etc.), and so on. Your wife and children need you physically there in order to have a healthy family. My husband does not have a high paying job at all, but we make it work with me staying at home. There are plenty of options, but you have to make that move.
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post #42 of 1847 (permalink) Old 08-10-2015, 03:38 PM
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Re: Wife feels "touched out"

I think it would really help if your wife was willing to go back to work so you could take a job that doesn't travel as much. Your wife being a SAHM will be a real problem if you don't do anything about it. They tend to get the way you describe after awhile.
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post #43 of 1847 (permalink) Old 08-10-2015, 03:44 PM
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Re: Wife feels "touched out"

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I'd suggest that him being fine with being away from his wife and kids 5 days a week suggests it's own issues. Nobody who's that invested in the family would be ok with that. There's nothing to suggest he's even considered looking for a job that allows him to be home. I'd suspect a woman working away from home like this would tagged a selfish wife and mother. How does one maintain an intimate relationship when they're hardly ever together?

If he was getting sex he'd apparently be fine with being away most of the time. That's why he's here right? What does that tell you?

I agree the marriage is in trouble.
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See my other posts. We don't disagree. I was pointing out warning signs to OP that his wife is growing resentful of him and their marriage is in trouble. Not that what she was doing was causing the problems but her actions are a sign and symptom.
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post #44 of 1847 (permalink) Old 08-10-2015, 03:54 PM
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Re: Wife feels "touched out"

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It will be stuff like grocery shopping, having to run to home improvement stores to get stuff for projects. The 9 year old needs someone to constantly be doing something with him. For example, up until last month was baseball season on Sundays. Over the winter it was basketball season. Then in the fall it was football season. Then he's always saying I need to go outside and do something with him.
OK, why is she the one going to Home Depot, Lowes, etc to get the home improvement supplies? Is she also doing the home improvements during the week while you are gone? if that's the case, then honestly she does not see you as the man of the house. I don't mean that to be sexist, but if she's doing home improvements and you are not, then the only thing she needs you for is the paycheck. Dude, you need to get off the road like yesterday.
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post #45 of 1847 (permalink) Old 08-10-2015, 05:01 PM
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Re: Wife feels "touched out"

Maybe, but I stand by my comment. Get the 1 year old off the tit. "I feel touched out" is a normal mom of an infant feeling.
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