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In a recent response the above were mentioned as things the poster overcame. If you had these hangups how did you overcome them? Did you overcome them?

ClipClop

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Stonewall

huh?

tjohnson

The lights out thing to me is not feeling comfortable with ones body image.

There is a good search utiltiy on the site and you can try to use keywords that you mention in the post.

My wife is still inhibited in some ways though she will not admit it as she sees it as a charictor weekness. I think many a somewhat liberated (otherwise) women are still haunted by this. It is handed down to them on a silver platter from the double standard that is so pervasive. I think the media has done a great job over the past 50 years or so to liberate from the chains of our puritan roots here in the states.

To be helfpur you really should consider disclosing more info. You are on a blind forum for goodness sake. Are you M, F

Anyone interested in this topic should watch the documentary about hugh hefner and/or understand the controversy of that era.

At that time there were people in jail for oral sex. The relative permissive nature is a new phenominon. this all point to some of the how/why's of how man people were raised.

PHTlump

I think you can make the opposite conclusion. Our current, sexually permissive environment shows photoshopped models in bikinis on the cover of every magazine. How is an average wife with an average body supposed to feel confident with her body when that's what she sees every day?

How can she feel confident sexually when porn has become so ubiquitous that the chances are good that her husband spends time every week watching professionals do things that would have been unspeakable only a few years ago, and then expect his wife to match the performance on screen?

I don't see much that is liberating about that.

As for the OP's question, you first have to identify the source of your hangups. Are you an insecure person, so you don't feel pretty? Were you raised in a religious environment that didn't identify the difference between premarital and postmarital sex? When you know why you have the hangups, you can start to plan how best to overcome them.

tjohnson

PHT,

I agree with you thoughts. 1/2 naked women in supermarket isles that are genetically gifted and or 16 is probably not good for the average women's self-esteem.

OK,

My reference to hefner was not to imply his magazine and the trend towards the acceptance of nudity/porn was a great contribution to the women's movement...hardly. I pointed it out only because most people under 50 or 60 don't realize how women were oppressed so in many areas. The prevalant notions toward women/sex that were prevalant in the 50s were very different then today. These as those old-fashioned (and in some ways male-centric) ideas that were in the minds of most parents, eductators, etc that have taken generations to go away. Double standards like:

Good girls are: not permiscous, are not sexually aggressive, etc

It is only in the last 60 years or so that society has recognized and accpted (openly) the notion that it is OK for women to enjoy and want sex. These notions still linger and have impacted women today.

my point to the op is the same. To recognize and understand the source of why there may be inhibitions as to overcome them.

Enchantment

Most of my hang-ups revolve around self-consciousness. It is hard to feel like you measure up if you are always compared to what it essentially an unattainable standard.

What has helped me is that through the years, because of my husband's consistent actions towards me, I have begun to see myself with not only my eyes, but see myself reflected through his eyes. And what a different view it is!

He does a good job of letting me know that I am his one and only - he never initiates flirting with another woman even if they flirt with him first, but he does initiate flirting with me all of the time. He doesn't just tell me he likes the way I look, but he shows me with his actions that he does. He doesn't have unreasonable expectations or desires that we are not both capable of exploring and attaining together.

I think when you have both partners actively working together to help one or both overcome any kind of hang-up, your chances of success are greater. imho.

__________________

Enter these enchanted woods, You who dare. ~ George Meredith

Lea2407

My husband and I were young, 18 and 19, when we go married and were bother involved in a local church, though I was definitely more involved.

Growing up, my mother and sister were definitely not good role models for sex because of many different issues. Because of this, I turned to church for my examples.

They obviously teach you that sex before marriage, impure thoughts, any feelings of desire, lust etc are wrong. Say what you will, but in my experience, when these thoughts are drilled into your head at such a young age for a length of time, they don't always go away just because you're married and it's suddenly ok to feel everything you've been feeling. You can't go from repressing your sexuality one minute to embracing it the next.

For me, it was an incredibly long road that was very hard on both me and my husband. The bottom line though is that I had to do some deep soul searching and determine what I really felt versus what I thought I "should" feel. It sounds like such a simple concept, but it took years, and to be honest I'm still working to make sure I'm always thinking for myself and not letting society decide what's right for me, my body, my marriage, and etc.

Once I was able to do this, I felt better than I can even explain. I actually feel like I have more control over my body and sexuality now, and I can actually enjoy all that sex can offer, without feeling ashamed.

I think it's important for women to understand that you don't have to compare. If you look at magazines with men on them and actors in hollywood, the men definitely don't represent the average man. However, most men have the confidence to know that their wives aren't going to run into the arms of the first attractive guy they see.

So what if your husband thinks the models on the cover of magazines are attractive. The fact is that you're real. He comes home to you. You are the one meeting all of his needs. More than likely, if he was faced with the reality of the model as a person, the fantasy would never live up to reality, and most guys know this.

In reality, most porn stars are not attractive, probably have horrible personalities, drug problems, STI's and more. However, if you really look at the fantasy, all it's about is being eager to please and be pleased, confidence in their bodies and sexuality and willingness to explore fantasies and experiment. How is this such a terrible thing to want? And how does it lessen your worth as a women?

My husband just watched this recently and said the same thing. He really enjoyed it as well.

Sorry that this post got away from me a little.