RandomDude

This is yet another curious thread of mine...

Throughout my years I've always been in need to play the game, to flirt, to tease, to experience the thrill of the chase. I love to conquer, and to keep conquering... I've made some threads in regards to the missus' extremely high sexual drive which has been the result of many fights since marriage. Perhaps I simply can't settle into routine, or find enjoyment in sex without the chase.

Before marriage it was great, especially when we were just friends with a strong lust for each other, and even after I broke up with my ex she refused to become a rebound making things so much harder and fun for me, she was very difficult to seduce and I loved it so much!

Nowadays though, she not only rarely plays the game with me, but demands it. Perhaps her sex drive is a result of her past and issues that she won't admit - as I strongly suspect. Yet, perhaps I also have my own issues in which to deal with in regards of this. She doesn't seem to be able to let me go without emptying me out nor am I able to find pleasure with her giving herself to me so easily.

Of course, to solve things, she would have to admit to whatever is causing her rather insane sex drive and I also have to learn to appreciate sex without the challenge or conquest... in other words, change ourselves, but this is too deep.

What can we do? This is the last issue to deal with (we've weathered and solved so much already), but we've never overcome it. It seems to be a seesaw, I get my way, I'm happy at her expense, she gets her way, she's happy at my expense. It's difficult to find a compromise in this.

Stonewall

I'd love to hear what Tiffany Granath would have to say on this one.

Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Accept your issues (both of you) and role play.
If you fight something, you will never befriend it and then you will never be able to be in control of it.
It demands a lot of brutal honesty to admit you are messed up in some way. But once you get to that point and can have a laugh at yourself, changing becomes fun. I never heard of anyone changing because it was difficult, except to have resentment over it. You could see a sex therapist but that's a bit dicey, because you never know what you're getting and it might take a while to figure out the therapist is making it worse or better or just different...when it boils down to it, sex is very personal and so long as there are two consenting adults, you can 'fix it' any way you like, as a couple. Trust is key, IMO without trust there can't be a good intimate relationship. It's one thing to engage in role playing but it's quite another thing to beat yourself up over and over again in the rest of your life. Think along the lines of explosives with a long fuse. Sooner or later, someone will end up in the psych unit, or be a good candidate for it. A lot of people think well sex is sex it doesn't feed into the rest of my life, I'm in control because there is another person in my boat with me and he knows what he/she is doing. Not always so. Misery loves company I suppose.

I left a relationship like the one you describe because it was very unhealthy. You can't really know what is going on in your partner's head for sure. You only know your perspective of it which may not really be what she is experiencing.

I guess it's difficult to give up something that's taken hold of addictive neurology mechanisms tied to pleasure centers. What enabled me to get out of my relationship was a nice round of hypoxia that resulted in my existing pathways being completely obliterated. A baptism that I'm sure even the Mormons couldn't accomplish. God works in mysterious ways. :-)

RandomDude

I don't understand what you mean exactly... by 'role play' in regards to this. I understand that we may have to accept each other's issues sure, but please explain role playing the issue a bit more =/