Porn, my wife, our marriage
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 07-24-2011, 12:23 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Porn, my wife, our marriage

Iíve been married for three years now and I watch porn. Of course my wife hates it, but I have a hard time turning away from it. One thing I want to make clear is that watching porn does not mean my wife is less attractive or Iím not attracted to her. It does not mean that I fantasize about the porn chicks or think about them when my wife and I have sex. Simply put, I LOVE the feeling of ejaculation and I love it more often than my wife does. I want to see sometimes what my fantasies look like acted out, and I want the feeling that most men get when horny to be satisfied. Sometimes I just want to roll over in the middle of the night to have sex with my wife then roll back over and go to sleep (I know, typical right). Iím NOT saying there is nothing wrong with watching porn because it is. I am saying (pardon my blunt vocabulary) I donít believe that most women will go to the limits that will satisfy their men sexually. Whatís wrong with constantly diversifying the act of sex in marriage (Iím not talking about extremes like adding partners)? Bluntly, I want to try anal sex, I want to have rough sex, and I want to receive oral sex on a regular basis and a few other things. However, these are the things that most women refuse to do or refuse to do regularly, but when we do not perform for women what they want on a regular basis (and it does not have to be sex) women get irritating and start annoying most men. I am making a point that as a man all I seek to do is solve a problem, provide, support, etc. Thatís what men do. Itís just messed up that solving the sexual problem is usually without our woman or our wives help. So porn helps. Iíd go above and beyond the limits to keep my wife sexually satisfied and trust me the way they like it is work, but it doesnít matter because I want to satisfy her. I just say this one last thing, women, stop being insecure and work with your men, especially if you are married. Do whatever else he wants. Talk to him about his fantasies and make him feel comfortable doing it. Never make him feel like he canít get the loving when he wants it and make him feel like the porn guy in the video, the king, the head honcho and all that other good stuff. Men need a good ego stroke from their women and most of us donít get it. Women really run the show anyway and we know that, we just want to FEEL like we do. Thatís probably the only important feeling we have as me besides the feeling of being successful in our careers, and the love we get from god and our women. Again watching porn is wrong, but what to do when I canít get my wife to satisfy me sexually the way I need her. I going to cheat with internet porn
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Old 07-24-2011, 01:58 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Porn, my wife, our marriage

Is there a question here?

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Old 07-24-2011, 02:43 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Porn, my wife, our marriage

Do you mean that every time you want to ejaculate that you want your wife's parts to be available to you even in the middle of the night? Boy I could not imagine a more miserable existence. I think you should stop watching porn your expectation seem just a bit unreasonable.
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Old 07-24-2011, 03:05 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Porn, my wife, our marriage

I think you might be trying to satisfy other non-sexual issues with the pornogrpahy. Often men will turn to pornoggraphy when they are bored, tired, stressed, depressed, or angry. Porn (like a drug) has a way of numbing one's feelings at least temporarily.

Are you wanting sex more because you are trying to feel better in your marriage? Is your sex life boring? I would talk directly to your wife about these issues instead of turning to porn. If you are having sexual problems in your relationship, maybe you should see a counselor. If you don't you may soon find that porn is more fulfilling than the sexual relationship with your wife--which would be a huge problem for the relationshp. Just out of curiosity, if your wife were asked about her level of satisfaction in the relationship, what would she say?
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Old 07-24-2011, 07:46 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Post Re: Porn, my wife, our marriage

amen brother....


shacked up in 95, by 98 the porn was walking out the door. he took it upon himself to throw it away, i never told him to do that.

maybe its because we are a different generation, we say jerry and maury, and sally...and had access to boarders to look up these things, and i was raised by a "hippie" mom who told me my body was nothing to be ashamed of...

and women lib and the womens movement, and sex liberation...not sure, but i loved the person i lived with, and i didnt want to see him walk away because i didnt trust him enough to be free with.

i am not stranger to waking up to finding myself having sex, vagina or oral....we talked about it, and all done.

also husband has a fetish, i love it and welcome it both arms wide open. sex isnt dirty...well not in a bad way....its fun and if you feel safe with your life mate then whats the harm.

my husband sees no one but me, im high on a pedestal and no one or nothing comes before me...that is the result of having fun with sex, and being open and non judgemental to something different.

every time he wants to get off, no not ALL, but 90%. sometimes it cant be helped, sick kids, im sick, hes sick, friend is staying over nite...
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Old 07-24-2011, 10:33 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ace4g View Post
Iíve been married for three years now and I watch porn. Of course my wife hates it, but I have a hard time turning away from it.
Let's put this into perspective.

You watch porn and obviously quite a lot. You do this despite the fact that it hurts your wife, and creates problems between you.

So you have prioritized porn above your marriage and your wife's feelings. Porn is the most important thing to you.

Quote:
One thing I want to make clear is that watching porn does not mean my wife is less attractive or Iím not attracted to her. It does not mean that I fantasize about the porn chicks or think about them when my wife and I have sex. Simply put, I LOVE the feeling of ejaculation and I love it more often than my wife does.
You do know that a lot of men ejaculate without porn? What do you think men did before the internet? I know there have all ways been forms of porn, however not anything like we see now.

Quote:
I want to see sometimes what my fantasies look like acted out, and I want the feeling that most men get when horny to be satisfied. Sometimes I just want to roll over in the middle of the night to have sex with my wife then roll back over and go to sleep (I know, typical right).
So basically porn has helped you see your wife as a cum recepticle.

You do know that's not very sexy and women want to be desired for who they are and not feel that any woman and any hole will do. What you do is reduce women to three holes and some sex acts. You have pornified them and you think your wife should be the same. You take no notice of the fact that porn sex is not really good sex, that it is fake , the women are faking it and more often then not they are in pain and their moans are fake.

so it's all just about you and your need to ejaculate.

Quote:
Iím NOT saying there is nothing wrong with watching porn because it is. I am saying (pardon my blunt vocabulary) I donít believe that most women will go to the limits that will satisfy their men sexually. Whatís wrong with constantly diversifying the act of sex in marriage (Iím not talking about extremes like adding partners)? Bluntly, I want to try anal sex, I want to have rough sex, and I want to receive oral sex on a regular basis and a few other things.
What's wrong is that you have decided you are entitled to porn sex. You are addicted to porn, and it is creating unrealistic expectations in your sex life.

Your wife is probably very resentful and turned off by you.

Would it be Ok with you if your wife constantly told you you didn't meet her sexual needs, and wanted you to be just like some 20 year old man with a huge d!ck who could go for hours, and also wanted you to participate in sex acts that you thought were degrading and painful?

Quote:
However, these are the things that most women refuse to do or refuse to do regularly, but when we do not perform for women what they want on a regular basis (and it does not have to be sex) women get irritating and start annoying most men.
What exactly is your wife expecting that is so out there and unrealistic? Anything that's physically painful and degrading? Anything most men wouldn't do in everyday life?


Quote:
I am making a point that as a man all I seek to do is solve a problem, provide, support, etc. Thatís what men do. Itís just messed up that solving the sexual problem is usually without our woman or our wives help. So porn helps. Iíd go above and beyond the limits to keep my wife sexually satisfied and trust me the way they like it is work, but it doesnít matter because I want to satisfy her.
so you are saying having mutually enjoyable sex is too much work?
Quote:
I just say this one last thing, women, stop being insecure and work with your men, especially if you are married. Do whatever else he wants. Talk to him about his fantasies and make him feel comfortable doing it. Never make him feel like he canít get the loving when he wants it and make him feel like the porn guy in the video, the king, the head honcho and all that other good stuff.
It isn't insecure to know your own boundaries and to know porn sex isn't real and isn't good for you.
So women just need to suck it up and play along with any porn fantasies, degrading, humiliating and painful, in order to make their husbands feel good. And they have to be happy about porn.
That doesn't sound like something a secure woman would do, and it actually sounds like something someone very selfish and not very manly would ask for.

Real men love their wives, and understand that cherishing them is very important.

Quote:
Men need a good ego stroke from their women and most of us donít get it. Women really run the show anyway and we know that, we just want to FEEL like we do. Thatís probably the only important feeling we have as me besides the feeling of being successful in our careers, and the love we get from god and our women. Again watching porn is wrong, but what to do when I canít get my wife to satisfy me sexually the way I need her. I going to cheat with internet porn
I think you would find that if you stopped watching porn, got some counseling and concentrated on your wife, what is attractive about her and sharing mutually satisfying sexual fantasies that you would be much happier.

Porn does change the way men view women, as I said makes them less and less satisfied and instead of creating intimacy and a bond between two people, it comes between and destroys it.

By watching porn you are wrecking your own sex life.
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Old 07-25-2011, 08:44 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Porn, my wife, our marriage

Hi there
I dont mind watching porn it can be fun it can be a quick release but on the other hand its fruadulant its not real its a fales escape that is temperary.If your wife watches porn with you (occationally) it can be exciting and great but just sitting there by yourself watching the same shots will make you grey in your sexual life with your wife.Example im early 40s ive been with my wife 25 years we have had issues ,the other week i we went out for dinner, she sent me a text ,I HAVE SOMTHING CUNNING PLANNED FOR TONIGHT.that night she informed me as we walked to the resturant that she was not wearing underwear only stocking and a garter.THIS NIGHT WAS SOO MUTCH BETTER THAN ANY PORN .
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Old 07-25-2011, 08:56 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Porn, my wife, our marriage

I think they thing that sticks out the most is when you said "I have a hard time turning away from it." That in itself seems like a problem.
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Old 07-25-2011, 09:11 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ace4g View Post
Iíve been married for three years now and I watch porn. Of course my wife hates it, but I have a hard time turning away from it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ace4g View Post
Again watching porn is wrong, but what to do when I canít get my wife to satisfy me sexually the way I need her. I going to cheat with internet porn
I think that you have a problem with porn and that it has skewed your ideas about what a good and fulfilling sexual relationship could be with your wife.

Perhaps your wife isn't able to satisfy you sexually because what you want is not at all reasonable, and doesn't take any of her needs or desires in to consideration?

I would recommend just cutting off the porn entirely, and turning all of that attention directly on to your wife. The porn has created a wedge in your marriage bed, and your wife is unlikely to be able to respond to you and you to her, unless that wedge is removed.

Best wishes.
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Old 07-25-2011, 09:41 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Quote:
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I donít believe that most women will go to the limits that will satisfy their men sexually.

Bluntly, I want to try anal sex

I just say this one last thing, women, stop being insecure and work with your men, especially if you are married. Do whatever else he wants.
So, secure women should have anal to satisfy their man even if it is painful for them and physically damaging to their health? If your wife told you she tried it once and it gave her an internal hemmorroid that bled and still bleeds on occasion, would that change your POV at all? This post seems really one-sided and insensitive.
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Old 07-25-2011, 09:53 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Porn, my wife, our marriage

Are you wanting to try the things you see the women do in porn? Maybe your wife doesn't feel comfortable doing some of that.

It seems you are more concerned with your sexual needs than your wife's feelings. Have you talked to her about all of this you wrote here? Perhaps let her read what you have written so she can get a better idea of how you feel.
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Old 07-25-2011, 11:32 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Porn, my wife, our marriage

Sounds like a lot of put downs to women who don't do this or that, including your wife maybe. I think its possible too, that even if your wife did some of the things, or even all of the things you mentioned you would like, that probably wouldn't be good enough, because I think maybe porn viewing has warped your mind as to what a real meaningful sexual relationship is supposed to be about.


This part you wrote:

"I just say this one last thing, women, stop being insecure and work with your men, especially if you are married. Do whatever else he wants."

Don't forget, it can go both ways.

and this:

"Talk to him about his fantasies and make him feel comfortable doing it."

Have you talked to her about this? Have you talked to her about what some of her fantasies might be? Do you make her feel comfortable if you talk about it together?

Also this:

"Never make him feel like he can’t get the loving when he wants it and make him feel like the porn guy in the video, the king, the head honcho and all that other good stuff."

So she should give it to you whenever you want it? And you want to be made to feel like the guys in the porn videos? Once again I think all the porn has warped your thinking.
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Old 07-25-2011, 03:26 PM   #13 (permalink)
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okay, I am listening to many of your comments and maybe I was not clear on some things. A lot of you have some good advice. Thank you. I just want to address a few things. I am a good man, a real man, I provide my wife with as much foundation, love, and understanding as I can possibly give. I acknowledge that watching porn is wrong, I am wking on this. I have no confidence problem with my penis size, and porn DOES NOT rule my thinking. I only believe that inside of a marriage my sexual needs and wants should be met fully or at least given a going try. Yes I have and still do talk to my wife about this (it is no secret) no I don't want rough sex to the point I wan to hurt her just want it a little rougher than than soft and slow that part is for her when it's time togive it to er how she wants it. No I probably don't satisfy all her needs sexual or non sexual, but give it a going try 24/7. She has zero complaints except for some minor mess ups I make every now and then and this porn thing. All i'm asking is why can't I get the fantasies I want from my wife sexually especially because she is my wife. I appreciate all of your comments.
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Old 07-25-2011, 04:58 PM   #14 (permalink)
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I hear your frustration and I don't think it helps to tell you that your demands are really unreasonable. You read it but you aee really not hearing. basically your problem is your porn addiction. If you put so little effort in beating it, how can you expect things to change?

So what to do. There are a few things that are unlikely to change if you you don't change. She will not give you the porn sex you want ,being your wife does not oblige her to be treated like a convenient porn actress. I am almost certain that she she does not think you are a good husband. Your porn addiction, sexuall demands, lack of appreciation of her role in the marriage does in fact make you less attactive to her .

You said that you have spoken to her, what is her response? Also, what are the things you want that you are not getting.

Can you see how much of a problem the porn is? It fuels your desire to use your wife to act out what you see on porn. Look at it this way - you want her to go above and beyond to have sex the way you see it on the porn but you make little effort to beat the porn addiction. . You want more than you can give.

Can I suggest that you read some information on porn addiction and what it does to marrages. In addition i think you need help with, there are organization that can help. If you think porn is not your problem, then the frustration will not go away.

. One thing more your attitude, if it the same you have here in your post, you relationship may be trouble and you are so wrapped up in porn that you cannot see it. You are operating at a big deficit but you think you have a surplus. You have to balance the sheet. Be honest with your self, you are being extremely sefish and that is part if the addiction.
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Old 07-25-2011, 05:12 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Quote:
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All i'm asking is why can't I get the fantasies I want from my wife sexually especially because she is my wife.
And this is something that only your wife can answer for you.

But, just because she is your wife does not mean that you are entitled to every sexual fantasy that you have. She is your partner in life who has feelings, hopes, and desires as well. She is not just a convenient play toy or puppet that should have to perform the way that you want her to.

Here's a secret - if you were really at the point where you have true intimacy with your wife - where you are as concerned for her and her pleasure more than your own - where you diligently try and meet her needs - it is more likely that you could grow together and get to the point where she may be willing to indulge some of these things.

But, you are not at that point - and so you need to respect her boundaries. Until she is willing to have those boundaries breached, trying to breach them while she is unwilling will likely result in her losing trust and respect for you and you will be even worse off, imho.

Best Wishes.
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