My husband wants me to masterbate
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 07-27-2011, 08:03 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default My husband wants me to masterbate

I have never had an orgasm during intercourse with my husband. He is fully aware of this and wonders what he is doing wrong. He is very open about sex. He masterbates in front of me. I have even video'd him doing it - which is a great turn on to watch live and then watching later. So, the topic came up for me to masterbate for him and that he thought it would be sexy and hot. He even bought me a vibator. So, I tried it once and it took forever FOREVER for me to cum. If I'm alone it takes minutes. So, it was embarrassing. So, now I get so tense about sex - I dry right up. During sex (intercourse) my husband will tell me that he wants to hear me cum - before you know it he's cumming and done. I feel like he doesn't give me the chance to masterbate. Hell, I don't know. I do masterbate alone and often. Needless to say - our sex life is very unhealthy. He has also suggested that we masterbate together then he wants to leave the lights on..... I'm 30 years old. I'm horny and want to cum with him - I just can't. Any advise?????
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Old 07-27-2011, 08:34 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband wants me to masterbate

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I have never had an orgasm during intercourse with my husband. He is fully aware of this and wonders what he is doing wrong. He is very open about sex. He masterbates in front of me. I have even video'd him doing it - which is a great turn on to watch live and then watching later. So, the topic came up for me to masterbate for him and that he thought it would be sexy and hot. He even bought me a vibator. So, I tried it once and it took forever FOREVER for me to cum. If I'm alone it takes minutes. So, it was embarrassing. So, now I get so tense about sex - I dry right up. During sex (intercourse) my husband will tell me that he wants to hear me cum - before you know it he's cumming and done. I feel like he doesn't give me the chance to masterbate. Hell, I don't know. I do masterbate alone and often. Needless to say - our sex life is very unhealthy. He has also suggested that we masterbate together then he wants to leave the lights on..... I'm 30 years old. I'm horny and want to cum with him - I just can't. Any advise?????
Wow...excuse me if these questions have already been answered, but..

Why don't you show him how to masterbate you?

Why don't you get him to go down on you, then have intercourse?
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Old 07-27-2011, 11:03 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband wants me to masterbate

My wife also does not O through intercourse. She just can’t. So, here is where foreplay comes into the picture. Over the years we have done various things to get her off before we have intercourse. These things have changed over the years. It used to be oral, but now has evolved to some toy play and g-spot stimulation. I don’t let this bother me at all. I love to see her get off. And nothing in this world feels better than to start having sex just after she gets hers.

I’ll also second that watching a woman masturbate is super hot.

You two just need to communicate in a very open and honest way. After all, sex is supposed to be fun. It is not something to be nervous or embarrassed about. If one thing does not work for you just try something else. Have fun with it….it’s time well spent
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Old 07-27-2011, 11:05 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband wants me to masterbate

Oh, and my wife just said to light a candle or leave the bathroom light on if you feel funny about doin it with the lights on
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Old 07-28-2011, 12:42 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband wants me to masterbate

Mutual masturbation is HOT.... it can lead to orgasm, or can be done as foreplay.

If you are shy with the lights on (which I don't quite understand, because you get naked with h, you sleep with him, you have sex with him.... you get very intimate, but only in the dark? How do you have sex in the day time? Blindfolds?) ....anyway, wear a negligee or something sexy. Accentuate your best assets.

Maybe dare yourself to do it, something to psyche yourself up sexually. I think you have to take some "risks" (for lack of a better word) to improve or add to your sex life.
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Old 07-28-2011, 09:06 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband wants me to masterbate

Hi Zoey ~

I'll take a slightly different tack than the other responses. You sound like you are suffering from performance anxiety - your comment about 'drying right up' is basically no different than the kind of performance anxiety men feel that causes them to lose erections when under pressure.

I think you and your husband just need to take more time, and for you to not focus solely on obtaining an orgasm, but try to focus instead on the wonderful sensations of the journey.

There are a lot of good books on the subject. Look through these and start to arm yourself with information. Also, talk with your husband about this - some of his actions or re-actions may be contributing greatly to your situation and you should be free to discuss this with him.

Amazon.com: female orgasm: Books

God speed.
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Old 07-28-2011, 11:30 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Hi Zoey ~

I'll take a slightly different tack than the other responses. You sound like you are suffering from performance anxiety - your comment about 'drying right up' is basically no different than the kind of performance anxiety men feel that causes them to lose erections when under pressure.

I think you and your husband just need to take more time, and for you to not focus solely on obtaining an orgasm, but try to focus instead on the wonderful sensations of the journey.

There are a lot of good books on the subject. Look through these and start to arm yourself with information. Also, talk with your husband about this - some of his actions or re-actions may be contributing greatly to your situation and you should be free to discuss this with him.

Amazon.com: female orgasm: Books

God speed.
Sounds plausible to me. Also for the op you are definitely not alone. My wife cannot orgasm through vaginal alone toys, me , it doesn't matter. She must have clitoral stimulation......we have the best vibrators $$ can buy and she prefers her 2 fingers hands down.

With all that said our sex life is a blast mutual, foreplay, oral, toys, etc but orgasm through penetration or oral is rarer than rare. Best of luck communication is key!!
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Old 07-28-2011, 09:26 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband wants me to masterbate

couple of suggestions...

If he wants you to masturbate but you aren't comfortable with him just sitting there starting (that would be a bit awkward I'd think) why don't you have him sit or lay next to you and have his hand on yours while you do it? This is something I would love for my wife to do. She has masturbated for me in the past but not in several years and I'd like for her to do it again.

Also if you're not having an orgasm from intercourse why not try oral? If you can have one from masturbating you can have one from him going down on you. It may take him a few tries to really get the hang of it. Heck it took me forever to realize what worked and didn't work. But now its a pretty regular part of our sex life and one in which we both enjoy.
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Old 07-28-2011, 11:48 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband wants me to masterbate

Totally agree with Enchantment.

The Female Orgasm is like trying to find a leprechaun. This is because men put pressure on women to cum in the same way that they understand it as a way of proving that they are alright, doing something right, or to satisfy a fetish.

The Female Orgasm is like trying to pet a strange cat. If you aproach it... it runs away. If you ignore it... it comes looking for attention.

Agree with Enchantment... I think you and your husband need to expand your ideas, become more accepting of what it is, and to explore different territories.
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Old 07-31-2011, 11:53 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband wants me to masterbate

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Originally Posted by zoey4279 View Post
I have never had an orgasm during intercourse with my husband. He is fully aware of this and wonders what he is doing wrong. He is very open about sex. He masterbates in front of me. I have even video'd him doing it - which is a great turn on to watch live and then watching later. So, the topic came up for me to masterbate for him and that he thought it would be sexy and hot. He even bought me a vibator. So, I tried it once and it took forever FOREVER for me to cum. If I'm alone it takes minutes. So, it was embarrassing. So, now I get so tense about sex - I dry right up. During sex (intercourse) my husband will tell me that he wants to hear me cum - before you know it he's cumming and done. I feel like he doesn't give me the chance to masterbate. Hell, I don't know. I do masterbate alone and often. Needless to say - our sex life is very unhealthy. He has also suggested that we masterbate together then he wants to leave the lights on..... I'm 30 years old. I'm horny and want to cum with him - I just can't. Any advise?????

You can! Yeah its embarrassing at first but you need to break through the barrier of being embarrassed about these things with your mate. I would suggest a bottle of white Zinfandel together and y'all have fun. The next morning you will say I can't believe I did that buttttttt! guess what you have broken that good girl barrier.

You need to be a bad girl sometimes! Come on you can do it. Once you break through that you can start teaching him what trips your trigger. He needs that input from you. He really doesn't know. You girls are a lot more complicated sexually than we are.
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Old 12-07-2012, 09:31 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband wants me to masterbate

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I have never had an orgasm during intercourse with my husband. He is fully aware of this and wonders what he is doing wrong. He is very open about sex. He masterbates in front of me. I have even video'd him doing it - which is a great turn on to watch live and then watching later. So, the topic came up for me to masterbate for him and that he thought it would be sexy and hot. He even bought me a vibator. So, I tried it once and it took forever FOREVER for me to cum. If I'm alone it takes minutes. So, it was embarrassing. So, now I get so tense about sex - I dry right up. During sex (intercourse) my husband will tell me that he wants to hear me cum - before you know it he's cumming and done. I feel like he doesn't give me the chance to masterbate. Hell, I don't know. I do masterbate alone and often. Needless to say - our sex life is very unhealthy. He has also suggested that we masterbate together then he wants to leave the lights on..... I'm 30 years old. I'm horny and want to cum with him - I just can't. Any advise?????
My husband and I have a pretty good sex life. It's gotten better now that we are empty nesters. I have been able to have orgasm during intercourse in missionary and not just on top. When we have sex, I tell him that I will get myself to orgasm, just let me feel it. When I have sex, I have it in my head. I like to talk nasty to him and hear him reply. That gets me real hot to hear me say it and him like it. Up until a few years ago, I was always very easy to get lubed up real quick but now that I am going through menopause, it takes a little work for me. I have to let go and really feel his mouth & hands on my body. Because, for me, sex isn't just about getting to orgasm but what I am doing to get there. When I am really lubed up and having intercourse, I focus on the sensation of feeling him moving in and out in me. This makes me loosen up and I start responding in kind. Tune into your senses of hearing & touch. Cumming together is great and we can do it but that's not our focus going into it. The focus is for me to please him and him to please me. We both understand that and respect that. But communication is the key to a good sex life.

Be good & nasty!
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Old 12-07-2012, 12:29 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband wants me to masterbate

I'm sure you can find the statistic on the internet but I think only something like 1 in 4 women can orgasm from PIV sex alone.
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Old 12-07-2012, 12:34 PM   #13 (permalink)
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I'm sure you can find the statistic on the internet but I think only something like 1 in 4 women can orgasm from PIV sex alone.
Yes, I am aware. But feeling it and moving with are one in the same to achieve that. Some women feel uncomfortable with that missionary position primarily because the man puts all his weight on top her, which can make you feel like you can't breath. For me, I simply adjust my husband to a position that is comfortable for both and we engage. I actually like reaching orgasm that way. But that is for me. The brain is the primary sex organ. It has to be stimulated, as well. Hence, the reference to feel & hearing.
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Old 12-07-2012, 12:39 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband wants me to masterbate

It doesn't mean it's not a worthy goal. My only point was the OP shouldn't be too hard on herself. Many women can't orgasm that way. Sometimes taking away the expectation can make it easier to achieve. Aside from that there are many ways to have sex aside from PIV.
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Old 12-07-2012, 12:48 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband wants me to masterbate

I like the suggestion of a couple of drinks. Nothing too serious just enough to drop those inhibitions.
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