I think I may start counsling to work on the damage he has done to me. I'm joining the Y today so hopefully I will feel better about myself soon. Until then I just have to keep thinking positive and see where things go. I'm not going to focus so much on his needs...and when I say his needs, I mean..I cook, fix his plate, take it to him, fix his drink, take it to him..I wait on him hand and foot! No more of that!
I'm just one person among many, so my advice can admittedly be off. Except for pregnancy, though, a ten day drought would be a major calamity for us after 24 years together.
Saying that he has damaged you really implies that you see him as a guy who is intentionally cruel to you. Saying that you will boycott nice things for him ... well, if he's really this low down, it just seems that sex should be the last thing to worry about. Don't want this to be harsh, but only suggesting that those vibes probably can be felt by him. Certainly not saying that he isn't screwing up bad, because he is.
As a guy, I think we don't discuss one thing that fundamentally exists in every case when a guy stays connected sexually in a relationship over seven years or so. The woman gives off vibes that tell her husband that his intimate time with her is absolutely safe, and very much wanted because she is crazy about him, and only him. I'm saying that there is no anger, frustration or resentment carried into the lovemaking. Sexual passion is also there, of course, but that's assumed here. She creates a connection of acceptance.
I'll be honest. I see in your posts that you really do feel these things for your husband. Maybe the problem is that you feel shame and hurt for something that is not at all your fault. He owns it completely. I believe that most guys who have suffered because they made your husband's mistake would give about anything for a wife that did the things you do for him. All I'm suggesting is that the frustration can only stand in the way of improvement in his problem.
Often, guys have very similar fears about sexual issues, but deal with it completely different. I think that most times a guy goes without sex more than a few days, there is an element of fear of your hurt or of being judged, and his behaviors are avoiding behaviors.
Obviously though, some guys are low T, while others might jumpt to this conclusion to cover up the discomfort of their sex life.
Something that I feel strongly about as a guy, though. Unless he has cheated or is intentionally hurting you, the 180 will work if it is your intention to go from 10 days between sex to a higher number.