Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
we have done with another girl before. never went to that level, just my concern was if I'm suppose to feel that way. sorry for confusions.
i saw most people talking how wrong it is and not suppose to that. and some saying no way, etc..
I think many of us will say that this is not a good idea. But are not making a moral judgement.
My question is, why do I feel that way, what is wrong with me, is it wrong that this turning me on. it has no effect on my marriage, but the feeling that this might be wrong keep poping in my head.
it seems i'm the only one done that.
Nothing is wrong with you that you find it arousing, nearly everyone at some point or another have that fantasy of being with others and sharing with others.... I think many people have a boundary between fantasy and reality for many good reasons, because fantasy always has the potential to experience the good without the bad, wheareas reality has deeper consequences.
Nobody here is going to tell you what normal is, but all would agree that in a healthy marriage there are no secrets. So as long as you are open with each other and choose to do things as a couple then you have a chance of going through life together (which is what its all about).
However if you (or your W) are feeling in your gut you are doing something wrong you need to reconcile that emotion before doing this or else it WILL affect your marriage big time - you are playing with dynamite, if you are not careful it can destroy it. I think swinging/swapping is a risk most married couples don't want to take, but that doesn't necessarily make it wrong.
the important part is that you need to sit down with your wife and set boundaries on this behavior
if you want it to never happen then express that
if you do want to explore it then be real explicit with each other as to what the other person is comfortable with and abide by it
Nothing is wrong with you that you find it arousing, nearly everyone at some point or another have that fantasy of being with others and sharing with others.... I think many people have a boundary between fantasy and reality for many good reasons, because fantasy always has the potential to experience the good without the bad, wheareas reality has deeper consequences.
Nobody here is going to tell you what normal is, but all would agree that in a healthy marriage there are no secrets. So as long as you are open with each other and choose to do things as a couple then you have a chance of going through life together (which is what its all about).
However if you (or your W) are feeling in your gut you are doing something wrong you need to reconcile that emotion before doing this or else it WILL affect your marriage big time - you are playing with dynamite, if you are not careful it can destroy it. I think swinging/swapping is a risk most married couples don't want to take, but that doesn't necessarily make it wrong.
I LOVE everything Lon said there, pretty near 100 %. For us, this would be stepping over our boundaries , jumping over the fence, inviting hurt & disaster into our marraige.
I think I would get aroused AND jealous to see my husband with someone else. We have talked about this, he has said he has NO desire to see me with anyone else, it would piss him off -so no arousal there at all. ha ha .
I try not to judge other couples & what they might enjoy together. For me, being totally honest & transparent before each other -in my opionion, is a sign of a good marraige , even if they do things more out of he box than other couples who would judge this to hell and back.
But keep in mind, you are involving another couple too- and their emotions, desires, risk one may fall in love with you, her, and the chances that all 4 of you are on the same page, I bet it doesn't happen very often. And who all have they been with sexually, does anyone really know. More risk.
I think if you are not having PEACE about it, that is a check in your spirit to not go there again, a little warning bell. It might have been a EXCITING RIDE, but maybe it is just meant to be a learning experience- going back to fantasy where it belongs.
If you feel in your heart, you need to get back to JUST you & your wife, builidng your own emotional connection, after all, SEX is very BONDING --never discount these little voices from within to get you back on the right path in your marraige.
you said you get arou sed when you see your husband, then Im not only one here. that what i was getting to.
Wow, talk about one track mind. I'm curious, is this really all you want to know and you're not interested in any speculation about whether or not this could potentially destroy your marriage?
I LOVE everything Lon said there, pretty near 100 %. For us, this would be stepping over our boundaries , jumping over the fence, inviting hurt & disaster into our marraige.
I think I would get aroused AND jealous to see my husband with someone else. We have talked about this, he has said he has NO desire to see me with anyone else, it would piss him off -so no arousal there at all. ha ha .
I try not to judge other couples & what they might enjoy together. For me, being totally honest & transparent before each other -in my opionion, is a sign of a good marraige , even if they do things more out of he box than other couples who would judge this to hell and back.
But keep in mind, you are involving another couple too- and their emotions, desires, risk one may fall in love with you, her, and the chances that all 4 of you are on the same page, I bet it doesn't happen very often. And who all have they been with sexually, does anyone really know. More risk.
I think if you are not having PEACE about it, that is a check in your spirit to not go there again, a little warning bell. It might have been a EXCITING RIDE, but maybe it is just meant to be a learning experience- going back to fantasy where it belongs.
If you feel in your heart, you need to get back to JUST you & your wife, builidng your own emotional connection, after all, SEX is very BONDING --never discount these little voices from within to get you back on the right path in your marraige.
Follow that gut check. It always knows. Use the force Luke! LOL
you said you get arou sed when you see your husband, then Im not only one here. that what i was getting to.
I've spent time around the swinging community, and it's normal to get aroused after seeing your partner with someone else. Quite often I've heard that the "After Sex" with their partner was better than actual swinging.
But, the other posters in the thread are correct- It takes a VERY strong relationship to make it work long term. Swinging has a tendency to find the little loose threads in relationships and unravel them, usually leading to a divorce.
you said you get arou sed when you see your husband, then Im not only one here. that what i was getting to.
Accually I said "I THINK I would" but I know I would also get VERY jealous at the same time, and feel it was "wrong" for us , it would break a vow we have to each other that is very very deep & special -that another has never been able to touch.
So these things will never happen- neither us would let it. Best left to fantasy. The most lenient thing we do is go to a higher class Gentlemen' Club every now & then, and I let him get a lap dance (no touching, grinding). It makes me a tad jealous but I kinda LIKE IT, kinda revs me up so I can "claim him" to myself later on that night.
I would also add that it is not simply a gender issue, that women as well do fantasize about different of multiple partners. It is standard 'women's erotica' fare.
That being said, I, as a husband of 10 years (together for 20) would find the emotional price would be intolerable. My litmus test would be this: how do you intuitively feel when she compliments another man?
Since I am quite selfish regarding her attention - I mean I get irritated when she goes on to her girlfriend about Johnny Depp or someone else for example (he is justifiably attractive). I believe this is reasonable (and healthy) of her to express her feelings, so I do not comment.
Fantasy is one thing, but acting out on itin our current world is quite another. That being said some cultures, have long historically practiced such arrangements. So, context is also an important consideration.
L.M CoYl
"how do you intuitively feel when she compliments another man?"
May be because I trust wife I dont worry if she does. I trust wife anywhere and in any situation.
SimplyAmorous, may be people's interests are different for the time being, some people may be interested for example if they dont have many kids or feel they are old fashion or older in age to do such things. some others dont feel that way. plus dependence around the environment you live in. I think you said once (not sure) that you have friends that do such things. how do they feel , have you asked them
...camping with our best friends. During night we got drunk and we did soft swap while we naked. Seeing wife doing oral and getting oral turned me on so hard that almost forgot the man's wife on me...
There's the dynamite, Arabian. From your post:
a) your best friend
b) being drunk (your ability to discern and judge correctly is immediately lowered; near zero if drunk)
c) your WIFE is getting & receiving INTIMATE PLEASURE with YOUR BEST FRIEND
Now, all the future times you are with your wife you get to consider
1) Is he better than me (present tense, not past, because they can gather as they wish...it's YOUR BEST FRIEND)?
2) Is she thinking about him? Wanting him instead of ME?
Once the head of the snake is across the threshold, the tail will not be far behind.
The irony is your stiffy wasn't even influenced by HIS WIFE on you. Odds are good she'll be thinking about her husband when they are together, as will your wife?
The feelings of arousal supposedly come from an instinct. When another man "takes" our woman, our instinct is to become aroused by that so that we can get in there and re-assert our dominance over her. The penis acts as a scoop to remove the other guys semen and replace it with our own. That doesn't make it right or wrong, but I think that is what you are wondering. It is "normal" to be aroused by this, but it is very dangerous territory emotionally speaking. I'd never give my wife to another man or woman.
Somebody please explain how a penis is a 'scoop'? The angle of the dangle is definitely not a spoon!
Re: am i sick? soft swap during camping trip 
