jtreason

I hope someone here can help me with some advice. Me and my wife have been married for over 6 years. About a year ago, she stopped giving me BJs. Everytime I would ask her about one, she would make up an excuse saying she had a toothache or her stomach was hurting. After a while, I confronted her about it and she told me that she finds it disgusting and doesn't want to do it anymore. She really hurt me when she said that but she has stayed true to her word. What's funny is that she has no problem with letting me go down on her and I really wish I could stop but I can't because I enjoy it.

What should I do? I am only 28 and I have not had a bj in over a year. I have tried to forget about it but it seems to be like everywhere I look, someone is getting/talking about BJs and it's not me. I love her to death and she is a awesome wife but if I would have known that she would do this to me, I would probably not have married her.

Does anyone have any good advice? Other than this issue, she is a great wife and does a good job taking care of our son. Everytime I try to talk about it, she gets upset and tries to label me as a freak or a pervert. What would make her stop giving Bjs after 5 years of marriage? Also, would a judge look at me awkwardly if I had to explain my reason for divorce? I really want to be happy but I can't imagine living my life without another BJ. I have not cheated on her and I don't think I will since I would feel too bad about it.

Enchantment

So, let me ask you this - do you REALLY love your wife? Because from your post, it sounds like you really only love a particular sex act, and not really your wife (or your family). I hope that there are a lot of other things about your wife that you can admire and desire.

Did you explore anything else that could be going on over the last year that would have made her change her mind? Yes, people's tastes about things can change, but was there something that spurred her change in taste? Does she feel resentful about something? Is there something about you that has changed - change in weight, etc.?

Are there other things that you can explore together sexually?

Best of luck.

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Enter these enchanted woods, You who dare. ~ George Meredith

lovesherman

Are you making sure that you always smell good down there? It might be that she doesn't like the taste of semen. Maybe she could get you started, and then you come in a towel. Another thing to try is let her know when you are about to come, and have her take your member completely in her mouth so the semen goes down her throat so she doesn't have to taste it.

Would hand jobs suffice? You two need to discuss this and come to an agreement that you both like.

Catherine602

Do you think you could show her this post or at lest tell her honestly how you are feeling.

I have questions: Did she seem to like giving bj for the period of time that she gave them? Did you have to ask her or did she do them on her own. Was there anything that you did not like about the way she did it and did you tell her?

Think back, is there anything at all even if it did not seem important that occurred around the time that she stopped.

I think you are at a cross roads, it is unlikely that your wife is going to suddenly like giving bj. Maybe if she wants the marriage enough to exchange bj. I think that she may feel more like a prostitute than your wife and would have difficulty staying attracted or to respect you.

It looks like you may have to leave her and find a woman for bj. There is no guarantee that you will find someone who really likes them.

Some women do them to please their partner. If they feel that the man is not meeting their needs they may lose the desire to please. Therefore, if you don't know why she stopped it may happen again in a new relationship.

__________________
"Hey some guys need a book to find the G-spot. It was intuitive for me. Some take the road less travelled." Enthropy 3000

Entropy3000

Therealbrighteyes

I'm confused. In your other post you talk about cheating on your wife and trying to earn back her trust yet now you say you could never cheat and want to file for divorce over oral sex?
What am I missing here?

Catherine602

Jt I just read your other post and I think you know what the problem was a year ago.

It looks like you are hot and cold about staying with your wife. In the previous post you did not want to leave her. Whereas on this post you are ready to go.

I think it would be best to go for MC and IC. Even if this relationship does not survive, you and your wife will benifit enormously. Give your marriage some time and effort (MC & IC). You need to resolve the problems so they don't carry over into the next, should it come to that.

Sorry I have to ask - is there a possibility that she may be cheating?

__________________
"Hey some guys need a book to find the G-spot. It was intuitive for me. Some take the road less travelled." Enthropy 3000

jtreason

I really do not know if she is cheating. In my other post, she threatened to leave me but I think she has changed her mind since she has not said anything about it for the past few days. This sex issue popped back into my mind because even though I do not want to lose her, the thought of being with another woman and getting a bj made me feel really happy.

I really don't know what the issue is though. I have NEVER EVER came in her mouth because she told me she didn't like it. I thought that was fair. Last year, she went to her home country with my son to visit for 2 months. When she came back, the bjs stopped. I'm guessing something happened when she went home. I don't wish to sound shallow but the thought of me never getting another bj for the rest of my life is scary to me.

morituri

Maybe it is not the lack of bjs that is the issue, but the emotional disconnect that you may be feeling from your wife and which Catherine touched on.

As you said, after she came back from the two month trip to her home country, something changed. It's worth investigating what caused that change in your wife.

__________________
"Man is not a rational animal, he is a rationalizing animal." Robert A. Heinlein

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Entropy3000

Yup. You need to find out what that could have been. I won;t speculate.

Catherine602

Jt a couple of things. I thought you might talk about the girl you were emaing a year ago. Was it while she was visiting family? You said she did not know until recently, could she have suspected?

You did not respond to MC and IC. There is so much going on that I really think you need a third party. There is a potential for a happy marriage but you have to work at it. I am convinced more than ever that the bj problem is a symptom of some deeper problem. Why leave this relationship when you have not tried to make it work. I don't remember if you said but how is the frequency and quality of sex?

Couples reconnect and can become as strong or stronger than before the problems. If you reconnect and she feels the same way about you that she did for the first 5 yrs she will again want to please you, sex generally improves and guess what, you won't have to go the rest of your life without bj!!!

Again I have to ask - was there an old bf that she may have gotten in touch with when she was away and is still talking to? You have investigate.
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Brian.

I wonder how women would react if their man told them he thought giving oral sex to her was disgusting and don't want to do it?

ARF

How are the other aspects of your sex life?

Also, how old is your kid? My wife has only performed oral one me once since our first child was born.
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MissLayla1986

I'm a woman who has come to appreciate the importance of giving a good BJ. Don't know what it is about them, but BJs seem to be the quickest and easiest way to get my husband to relax, de-stress, and mellow out. If he's in a bad mood or having a bad day, a BJ will brighten him up immediately. It's kind of funny, actually. And I definitely use it to my advantage, since after a BJ, my husband becomes like putty in my hands. He'll do anything I ask him to. So I think that women who refuse to give BJs (assuming that it's not for medical reasons) are committing a grave error.

Having said that, I don't think it's okay for you to leave your wife for that reason. Most reasonable people are amenable to compromise on those kinds of issues, and there must be a conciliatory way to impress upon her the importance of BJs. Maybe if you tried taking a day out to put aside the problems in your marriage and cook her a romantic meal, serenade her, do whatever she likes, then when it's over and you've won her affection, tell her "did you really enjoy that? i was happy to do it for you because i love you, but that's how a BJ would feel to me." That might be a good way to get her understand where you're coming from and bring you two closer together at the same time.

nada

I think the bj is a surface sign of some emotional issues between the two of you. The no-bj may be an attemtp to make you understand or do something different. Perhaps she is uncomfortable telling you, perhaps she does not know, perhaps some subcontious stuff?

BTW, why did she have to go away for 2 months alone? Why did you not go with her? Were you completely stuck at work for this whole period? Perhaps she interpret this as a lack of interest from you?

It may be a million things, perhaps you will figure out instead of breaking an otherwise good relationship?

The best
nada