I have not had real sex with my wife in over a year. What can I do?
Hello. I found this forum through google and I hope that I can get some insight about my problem here. First a little background. I am 28 and my wife is 24. We have been married for 7 years and we have 1 child. Around this time last year, I was diagnosed by the VA with depression for things that happened while I was in the military. They gave me medicine to try to cope with the depression but I honestly never took it. I wanted to try to heal myself naturally because I was afraid of the side effects of the medicine.
One day, me and my wife tried to have sex and I couldn't maintain an erection. We were both surprised but we just dismissed that occasion. The next time we had sex, the same thing happened. It has been happening EVERY single time we have tried to have sex for over a year now. I initially told the VA about my problem last year and they gave me vardenafil to try to cure the problem. I didn't tell my wife about the medicine because I did not want to scare her. The VA said that erectile dysfunction is a common side effect to the depression medicine that they gave me but the problem is that this was not a side effect for me since I never ever took the depression medicine in the first place. They also gave me tests to see if I had a hormone problem and everything was normal.
In the beginning, my wife was upset about my problem and thought that I maybe loved someone else. Over time, she understood that I have a problem but we just don't know what it is. I am not gay and I still get aroused when I see an attractive woman. The problem is that I usually don't get an erection when I see a woman. My wife is in great shape and very attractive to me so that cannot be a problem either. We have tried counseling for the problem but it has gotten us nowhere.
As far as the problem is concerned, basically, I cannot maintain an erection during penetration. If I get a hand job, I can usually keep the erection. Even some times with the hand job, I lose the erection. My wife does not give bjs so I don't know how I would respond to that. I have never cheated on my wife and as far as I know, she has never cheated on me. She says that she will help me to get through this problem but realistically, I cannot expect her to deal with this forever.
Does anyone here have any experience or advice for this problem. I am only 28 years old and I feel like I should not have to take vardenafil/viagra for the rest of my life. Since I did not tell my wife about the medicine, I tried to take the medicine on days that I knew we might have sex. The main problem with this is that the VA only gives me 2 tablets a month which means that I have to take it on 2 days that I know we will have sex. This is so frustrating and I don't know what to do. I really do love my wife but I feel ashamed about this. I try my best to keep my esteem up but I have to admit that I feel like less of a man if I cannot satisfy a woman. I still can satisfy her orally but that is not enough for me. When we cuddle and kiss, I am rock hard. By the time I try to insert it, it is soft again. Please Please Please if anyone has any experience with this, please help me. We have tried all sorts of therapy and tests and nothing is working. Thanks!