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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 08-21-2011, 02:14 PM   #31 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife curious about another woman/threesome/watching

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agree with sockpuppet
Shocking. Get back to me in 5 years.
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Old 08-21-2011, 02:40 PM   #32 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife curious about another woman/threesome/watching

What about STDs?

A third party is under no vow or moral obligation to limit his/her sex with the married couple. Whoever he/she has sex with, the married couple has sex with as well. It only takes one infected person to infect others and sooner or later the married couple are going to be infected as well.
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Old 08-21-2011, 07:07 PM   #33 (permalink)
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...... but a lot of women play along with it, or suggest it thinking it's what their men want, and that it will make them sexier etc. They think their husbands will love them more.
I believe this is true.
Early in our marriage my wife suggested she wanted to get a girl to service me orally while she watched/helped.
It never happened (as I never pursued it) and the idea was dropped.

Awhile back we were having some trouble because I was upset with something she said to me and shortly after we got our problem straightened out she brought this fantasy up again and offered to set it up.(I believe as a way to show she loved me after hurting me)
I declined and told her I didn`t believe she really wanted what she thought she wanted.

It is now wonderful fantasy fodder for our sex life but it`ll never be more than that.

Last edited by tacoma; 08-21-2011 at 07:13 PM.
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Old 08-21-2011, 08:35 PM   #34 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife curious about another woman/threesome/watching

Or it could be thay they were unfaithful and were simply throwing a bone to their unsuspecting husbands.
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Old 08-24-2011, 04:57 PM   #35 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife curious about another woman/threesome/watching

For anyone who has experienced this, how did you and your spouse discuss the difference between things that would be interesting/curious/fun to try versus what you believe would be harmful/damaging/a mistake?
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Old 08-24-2011, 05:14 PM   #36 (permalink)
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For anyone who has experienced this, how did you and your spouse discuss the difference between things that would be interesting/curious/fun to try versus what you believe would be harmful/damaging/a mistake?
You just answered your own question. Have that very discussion, and be open and honest.
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Old 08-24-2011, 06:56 PM   #37 (permalink)
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When women marry, most women hope they are marrying a man with a good core value system, who knows who he is and what he stands for.

When a man suggests a threesome, what he is saying is that he wishes to cheat, just with permission. If a woman suggests this and he says yes, it says to the woman, that the man did not really have those core values, that he does not really value her or their vows, and he definitely does not have what it takes to keep a marriage in tact (he is weak). It's as if he has said "I am a good strong person, I will let nothing come between us... umm except things that society tells me should make very horny, those I'll make exceptions for"

The best marriages I believe are ones where the men take a stand and let their wife and every body else know, that their marriage is number 1, that they will not allow anything or any one to endanger their marriage. That is the type of man women love, that is the type of man they know they can trust and rely on.

The other type of men open the door to marital decay and destruction, and then wonder WTF went wrong.
I totally agree with this. This obviously goes both ways - a women and men with morals.

That these kind of situations like this happen all the time - no wonder why our society is going down the toilet.

Last edited by Monty4321; 08-24-2011 at 09:36 PM.
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Old 08-24-2011, 09:26 PM   #38 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife curious about another woman/threesome/watching

IT is never a good idea to invite someone else into a marriage and it doesn't not matter if it is a woman.
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Old 08-25-2011, 02:39 PM   #39 (permalink)
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For anyone who has experienced this, how did you and your spouse discuss the difference between things that would be interesting/curious/fun to try versus what you believe would be harmful/damaging/a mistake?

When my wife and I first breached this subject, it started with fantasy. We had been married around 10 years or so before we even discussed it as fantasy. We took that conversation a step further, and discussed even weirder fantasies with one another. Then we discussed the difference between fantasy, and reality. Then we discussed everything in between. we did this for about a month straight, every night, for an average of 5 hours per night. Then we talked even more. We talked about how fantasies can change, and what we desire in reality can change, and is subject to change based on who is involved, and that limits can change, and change back again, and can also be based on who is involved.

Long story short, in my opinion, we are a success story, in this ascpect/situation. I also believe we are an exception. I don't think a threesome, or anything like it will ever "fix" a broken marriage, but I do believe with the right people, in an already solid marriage, it can enhance you marriage even further. And as with anything, it's all about communication, and honesty. Having a 3some with my wife, would be like me and my best buddy in high school tag teaming the captian of the cheerleading squad, and high fiving each other, because my wife is my best friend, has been for years, is interested in the same kink/fetish/etc sexually as I am, and we've basically done the exact scenario I just described, only we weren't in high school, and it wasn't the captian of the cheerleading squad lol.

For us, our boundaries were, and still are, no intercourse swapping, everything else was fine, in most situations. We did that, multiple times, with either the same people, and/or new people. We talked about it every time before it happened, discussed taht situations boundaries, fears, thoughts, turn ons, etc, and after it happened we talked about it even more. For us, it was/is a good thing, and will continue to be so.
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Old 08-25-2011, 02:41 PM   #40 (permalink)
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The leader argument turns me off. What's wrong with coming to a decision in the relationship based on equality. The women that say they want a leader may have an unconscious fetish to be dominated. Are women really the weaker of the species that need a leader to tell them right from wrong? Many coming from a moral high ground argue that they believe in equality, but it often does not sound like it.
For a relationship to be equal we would have to live in an equal society, sexuality would have to exactly equal too, and we know that it's not.

I really believe that most women want a good strong man who has good values and has the courage to stand by his convictions, one who isn't swayed by social trends. Most women will find this man attractive over time.

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I strongly disagree. The act causes certain bonding hormones to circulate, including oxytocin in the woman. This is the same hormone that bonds mother to child and her to you. If she's getting it from somewhere else, it's bound to fall apart. Apart from the preferred solution of not going there, the one and done scenario is the best you can hope for because then no long-term bonding is likely. But what kind of ringing endorsement is that?

Also, what if one likes it and the other doesn't? This is much more likely, and is going to lead to resentment no matter how you slice it. I have no moral objections to this at all, it's purely practical reasons that make it not work.

Even those who claim it works, always have one who likes it more. It's impossible for the two to like it equally, that would be like you and me liking ice cream exactly equally. If you want multiple women, and it seems you do, don't get married. You're thinking of something else, and it's called being single.
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Old 08-25-2011, 04:28 PM   #41 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife curious about another woman/threesome/watching

I think both men AND women can be leaders in marriage, within the same marriage, about different things. I can't speak for all women but I can speak from the perspective of my own marriage and in it, we are equal partners. He takes the lead on some things, and I take the lead on others and we balance out.

Regarding a threesome - I think under the circumstances it would be very risky. You said she's never been with anyone else. You also said she's from a very religious family. I think she may have a lot of issues around feeling "dirty" or used or just replaceable. This is just another reason why waiting until marriage to have sex makes no sense to me. People need at least some experience to figure out what they like and what works for them.

People are jealous by nature. It is very rare for women to not be jealous about another woman in the relationship, even if it's "just sex". Your wife may become insecure if the other woman has better skills or a better body. She may feel that you are paying more attention to the other woman or are getting more aroused by her. Do you really want to risk your marriage for a fantasy fulfillment?
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Old 08-29-2011, 12:29 PM   #42 (permalink)
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Today is my first day on this forum. I have posted a question and wait for replies...But in doing so I read your question. From experience let me tell you - do not do it.
I have been married for 20 years. My husband and I had a 3 year threesome. It ruined our marriage. The threesome created fun, excitement, and more. It got crazy... It was the wrong thing to do. It has been over 6 years, my husband and I are still together. Our marriage is poor. He works with this other women, that just pisses me off every day. It is a small world. Keep your world sacred with your wife and your wife only.
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Old 09-14-2011, 10:17 PM   #43 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife curious about another woman/threesome/watching

A marriage should be like a cocoon, protected from any outside influences, including a third partner - no matter how hot they may be. Not knowing the emotional ramifications until after the fact is a pretty big gamble. Why even flirt with something that has the potential of ruining your marriage? Think twice hard and then think 3 times real hard before going ahead with something of this magnitude...
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Old 09-15-2011, 09:27 AM   #44 (permalink)
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danger!
i'm too insecure/jealous to ever do this.
i'm sure it's ok for some people, but i sort of feel like why open that can of worms....
good luck!
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Old 09-29-2011, 03:01 PM   #45 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife curious about another woman/threesome/watching

My wife's boss, (and good friend) a woman, mentioned one night when we were all drinking, that she found me attractive. I was floored when my wife replied, "that's cool, I share." Fifteen minutes later the three of us were back at our apartment in bed. All three of us living out a fantasy. It was a great experience, never to be repeated (To this day she'll never admit it, but I think my wife and her boss planned the evening)
If you want to explore your fantasy keep in mind, Life is the art of drawing without an eraser.
(married for 51 yrs)
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