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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 09-07-2011, 03:48 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Default Re: Overcoming Rejection

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Originally Posted by girlfromipanema View Post
Oh, txhunter, I'm sorry... it really does suck.

I wouldn't say my marriage is sex starved, but the damage caused by the infidelity has harmed our sex life, it's harmed my confidence with regard to our sex life, well, it's harmed everything about my life.

If you are in a sex starved marriage that hasn't been harmed by infidelity, I might recommend the book, The Sex Starved Marriage by Michele Weiner-Davis. It has excellent reviews, though I haven't read it.

Something has gotta give, though.
I think I gave that book for her to read last year. Not sure where she put it. Need to hunt around for it.

Last edited by txhunter54; 09-07-2011 at 03:53 PM.
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Old 09-07-2011, 04:40 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Default Re: Overcoming Rejection

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Originally Posted by txhunter54 View Post
Girlfromipanema,

We have mirror image marriages. My wife says the same things your husband says only she also doesn't follow up afterwards. For example, she my might say "I'm reading my book" or "I'm watching my show". So, the book or the show are more important than me? She has a bookmark and we have DVR. So, both can be stopped and picked up later.

I've patiently (may have been a mistake) waited for her show to end and then looked over to see she's fallen asleep. WTF?

I understand your pain and rejection all too well.
@txhunter ~

Ever tried to do more 'foreplay' with your wife throughout each day? I know that I'm a lot less receptive when my H just used to approach out of the blue. Sometimes us women need a bit of warming up to it.


@girlfromimpanema ~

I think sometimes just having confidence in ourselves can be a huge boost. You've had a blow from your H's affair and I think it would be normal to start to have some confidence and trust issues from that, especially if you feel like he rejects you.

However, you posted that you took the 'bull by the horns', so to speak, and were very successful. You were CONFIDENT and SELF-ASSURED and it led to SUCCESS.

The only person who can give you that confidence is yourself - by repeating everyday throughout your own thoughts and in your own actions that you are worthy and you are definitely worth it. Let your man SEE that you are THE THING and he is LUCKY to have YOU.

"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent." ~Eleanor Roosevelt

Best wishes.
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Old 09-08-2011, 09:18 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Default Re: Overcoming Rejection

Enchantment,

Examples of foreplay during the day would be helpful. My wife and I both work during the day.
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Old 09-08-2011, 09:39 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Default Re: Overcoming Rejection

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Enchantment,

Examples of foreplay during the day would be helpful. My wife and I both work during the day.
My H calls me a 'high maintenance' wife, but he knows that I NEED extra help to get my mind in to it - I just don't seem to have the kind of drive where I think about sex a lot (sometimes at certain times I do, but it's not consistent.) However, I know that HE needs sex, so it becomes a priority for me and he does what he can to help me out.

We also both work and we've got two kids and two dogs and aging parents and we are busy. These are things that my H does - and he does these types of things EVERY SINGLE DAY and not just on days that he may want sex.

* Gives me quick caresses as he passes by me in the kitchen or hallway. Smiles or winks at me as he does.

* Opens doors for me - sometimes will pat my bottom and growl at me when I go through them.

* Holds my hand when we go out or when we are driving in the car.

* Sweeps my hair aside and gives me a quick kiss or sometimes will just inhale at the side of my neck and say "uhm".

* Rubs my feet without asking - just sweeps them up when I'm sitting down on the couch relaxing (usually a guaranteed turn-on for me )

* Does a lot of things around the house that he sees need to be done without asking or prompting from me (sometimes these are what are considered 'my' chores)


He can tell the times that I am more in the mood and will ramp up being more aggressive:

* He will corner me in the laundry room and rub up against me and give me a passionate kiss then walk away.

* He will 'chase' me through the house (the boys and dogs love this), then catch me and kiss me.

* When the kids are in bed he will literally pick me up and kiss me all the way to the bedroom.


He has become aware that I like to be verbally complimented as well:

* He will tell me that he thinks I look great, then waggle his eyebrows at me and wink.

* He tells me thank-you after cooking dinner.

* He texts or emails me at work with silly jokes or cartoons (I'm not much into sexting so he usually keeps things only a little raunchy with a lot of humor).

He does all these things without much expectation of sex (of course he knows that I will rarely say no to him), and I have been trying to do a lot better job showing him more verbal admiration as well and respond back to a lot of his flirting. When he first started it was more one-sided on his part, but now it's both of us participating.

Here's another list that may have some ideas for you: 100 Ways to Show Love to Your Wife HER Way | Marriage Missions International

Best wishes.
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Last edited by Enchantment; 09-08-2011 at 09:44 AM.
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Old 09-08-2011, 11:25 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Default Re: Overcoming Rejection

Thanks for your feedback, Enchantment. I know you're right. I do believe in my heart that my husband is very lucky to have me. I know many men would be pleased to have a loving, attentive, caring wife like me. I think a lot of my 'issues' will be resolved in time (if I can fully recover from such a painful betrayal - LTA and double betrayal).

Your husband sounds like a prize. I smiled at the vision of him chasing you through the house - what a joyous example to show your boys (and dogs!).

I think I'm similar to you in that sex/intimacy is really tied into my thinking. If my thoughts are focused on happy things and my husband's sexiness, it's easy to be ready and willing. If my thoughts go to unpleasant things and my husband's betrayal, I don't really feel in the mood for love. This morning my husband initiated, and I happily obliged, but my brain was dealing with some unpleasant thoughts and my husband had to work overtime to achieve his goal for me. I kept trying to rein in my thoughts, but it was a challenge.
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Old 09-08-2011, 12:13 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Default Re: Overcoming Rejection

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Originally Posted by girlfromipanema View Post
Thanks for your feedback, Enchantment. I know you're right. I do believe in my heart that my husband is very lucky to have me. I know many men would be pleased to have a loving, attentive, caring wife like me. I think a lot of my 'issues' will be resolved in time (if I can fully recover from such a painful betrayal - LTA and double betrayal).

Your husband sounds like a prize. I smiled at the vision of him chasing you through the house - what a joyous example to show your boys (and dogs!).

I think I'm similar to you in that sex/intimacy is really tied into my thinking. If my thoughts are focused on happy things and my husband's sexiness, it's easy to be ready and willing. If my thoughts go to unpleasant things and my husband's betrayal, I don't really feel in the mood for love. This morning my husband initiated, and I happily obliged, but my brain was dealing with some unpleasant thoughts and my husband had to work overtime to achieve his goal for me. I kept trying to rein in my thoughts, but it was a challenge.
Time is a great healer - but that doesn't mean you have to sit by idly and just let time trickle by. Even if your body may need time (which is what happened in my case because I was ill) your MIND does not need to be idle.

Make sure you don't dwell on the negative things and keep dredging up the things from the past or what-ifs (easier said than done, I know ). It takes discipline to turn your mind to more positive avenues. I like the following quote - I think you can apply it to your marriage -

"Feed your faith (in your marriage and your husband and yourself) and your fears will starve to death." ~Author Unknown

You sound like a great gal, and I wish you all the best.

God Bless.
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