Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
I am a 40yr old male and my wife is at her wits end with me. I haven't had a sex drive in a couple of years. My wife talked me into getting help for the ED and found out that I had Low Testosterone. Have tried a few meds for treatment and nothing really working yet. I am tired all the time but still go thru the motions of work and home life. Also experiencing depression and can't focus on everyday tasks. Don't really know if that is symptoms of low Test. Actually don't know if low T is causing the depression or depression causing the low T She is also angry that i don't follow through with things that we talk about getting done around the house etc. and that I'm not proactive enough. She has suggested counseling and reading books and I have not until now. I am afraid of losing a good wife and she should have left me along time ago. She is wanting kids and will find a father on her own if I don't fix this marriage.
If you don't want to lose your wife and your marriage, you better get off your butt and get to moving, don't you think?
It sounds like she is suggesting many avenues but you aren't really receptive other than the hormone thing. Also I would think it would take some time to get your hormones back in line but if you don't get cracking on the other stuff, she will be rightly perturbed. Show effort by DOING things and keep on keeping your hormones treated.
Yes, Depression are also symptoms of Low test ! Don't give up yet! This is a hard time but you can get through this ! You and your wife, please read this thread together -- all about Testosterone symptoms, treatment...
I think your wife might feel better if she saw you actively pursuing solutions to the problems that you know you have. Never had low T since I am female, but I do have really low thyroid function which I take replacement hormone for. So, I know what it feels like when hormones at totally out of whack, how tired you are, how fuzzy headed you feel, how apathetic it can make you feel.
So, STEP ONE of your plan - go back to your doctor and see where your levels are. Discuss your symptoms and other treatment options. Discuss how long to see resolution of some of your symptoms. If your doctor is not receptive to your concerns, go to another one until you find one who will treat you and continue to treat you based upon your symptoms.
STEP TWO - Just be honest with your wife. When you have a physical situation (the "in sickness" or the "for worse" part of the marriage vows), it takes both of you on board and pulling the oars.
I have to be really honest with my husband. There are really just times that I am too tired or achey to do much (usually an indication to high-tail it back to the doc for a blood test and a higher dose of hormone). However, I do try to be as accommodating as I can reasonably be.
Can you do that for your wife? If you can't do the full deal, you still have hands and a mouth (or toys) that can be used and that may not take as much energy. Even just cuddling and snuggling, flirting during the day, small touches -- all of them let her know that you still think about her even if the fires of desire are slower to ignite or aren't burning as brightly yet.
I think your wife might feel better if she saw you actively pursuing solutions to the problems that you know you have
A HD (high sex drive) spouse can find a lot of comfort if he/she sees their LD (low sex drive) spouse busting their bu** trying to resolve their issue. Why? Because it is a sign that the LD spouse really cares enough for the well being of his/her HD spouse. Thoughtfulness and caring can help resolve many issues.
I am a 40yr old male and my wife is at her wits end with me. I haven't had a sex drive in a couple of years. My wife talked me into getting help for the ED and found out that I had Low Testosterone. Have tried a few meds for treatment and nothing really working yet. I am tired all the time but still go thru the motions of work and home life. Also experiencing depression and can't focus on everyday tasks. Don't really know if that is symptoms of low Test. Actually don't know if low T is causing the depression or depression causing the low T She is also angry that i don't follow through with things that we talk about getting done around the house etc. and that I'm not proactive enough. She has suggested counseling and reading books and I have not until now. I am afraid of losing a good wife and she should have left me along time ago. She is wanting kids and will find a father on her own if I don't fix this marriage.
Get your ass off the couch and get to the Dr. and counseling asap.
I suffered from low T and am now on TRT. I feel like a new man. Actually bugs my wife since, to her, I feel horny all the time and she is LD. I've documented those issues in other threads.
Also, proper level of testosterone helps with weight loss, stamina, muscle tone, brain activity as well as sex drive and improved erections.
You should be concerned. You may have low "t" but you still have hands and a mouth and there are abundant remedies for low "t". By saying "I do" you were agreeing that you would take care of your wife's sexual business. If it's not your job, who's shall it be? Do you believe your depression will improve should she have an affair or leave you? I'm betting that once you step up to the plate and take care of business or aggressively try, part of your depression will improve. Who could feel good about themselves while knowing they were torturing their loved one? Incidently, being married to a sexless partner is daily torture. Naturally, she's busting your chops, allegedly about other things. You're putting her through great pain by your rejection, so it's only logical that she sees you as her enemy, her tormenter. You adopted that role. So if she's not giddy thrilled with you, she's only playing the part you assigned her. She didn't ask to be a sexual creature. She was born that way. If you were struck with blindnesss, would that give you the right to poke her eyes out? Sorry you have medical issues, but you need to do your best with whatever you still have to work with.
It may be too late 
