Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
Although, my orgasms are always worth it. Are hers just mellow? I don't get that part..
Yeah, they are certainly not mind blowing or earth shattering. I can tell when she is close and when she is having one. The physical signs are there. I have given her maybe two in the last four months. Both times she commented that it is not worth it. I think the last time I may have laid it on thick that I wanted to give her lady bits some attention, so she obliged. But afterwards she said not to ask as it is just too much pressure and work.
About 25% of the time she will take her toy out and finish after I have. Posted via Mobile Device
Thanks Enchanted. I have checked out that website before...recall something about a doorbell . I will have to take a look at that book though. Posted via Mobile Device
Hm. I wonder why that is. I don't know much about intensity of orgasms. Mine usually last 20-40 seconds and pretty much ruin me for awhile hahaha...
When she finishes herself, does she finish better? Maybe she knows right where to go on herself and she hasn't told you? I was very explicit with my Hubs.
hubby, do you speak to her about it? As in ask her why she doesn't want to have them. Does she feel like you pressure her?
Yep, a few times. She asked be to back of as it was pressuring her so now I just make my way between he thighs every once and a while and she then tells me "not tonight dear." Posted via Mobile Device
Yep, a few times. She asked be to back of as it was pressuring her so now I just make my way between he thighs every once and a while and she then tells me "not tonight dear." Posted via Mobile Device
Oh ok, gotcha. Maybe at times she just feels inadequate. She could be fighting it mentally and is trying to sort it out. Hard to tell.
She loves you a great deal and she understands your needs as a man. It is difficult for some woman who have never experienced it to understand what a strong sexual desire feels like and how having an orgasm/ejaculation is essential. It is not the same for all woman. Some women never orgasm, some just 50% of the time and some more often. Most women enjoy the closeness and affection of sex and can forgo an orgasm sometimes. Not having an orgasm ever would frustrate me although, I don't need one each time.
As long as you are sure that she is really OK then just do all of the things that makes it satisfying for her. You can read books with her to find out how to achieve an orgasm and maybe she would be interested to try. Or you can use toys. Posted via Mobile Device
Yeah orgasms aren't all that great. A bit of a flutter and then nothing. A lot of people overdramatize them though. I think you are worried about nothing really - enjoy what you have! At least your wife isn't hung up on the orgasm like a lot of women are.
You mention that she has OCD; is she on any meds for that (or any other meds)? A lot of the psych drugs are notorious for negatively affecting sexual abilities like arousal and orgasm.
All my life I was accustomed to getting there at the drop of a hat, sometimes without foreplay, then I went on an ACE inhibitor for hypertension and things didn't work so well any more. At first I could orgasm, but it took so much effort and concentration and focus that I was definitely feeling "it's not worth it". Like gee, this isn't enjoyable any more. Eventually, after about a few weeks on the drug, I lost all arousal.
And, yeah, my SO's alarm at the dramatic change in my sexual response, constantly asking "Are you sure it isn't me?" "Is there anything I can do differently?" just added pressure and decreased the likelihood of success.
Is your desire for her to orgasm for your sake or for hers? It doesn't sound like she feels as if she's missing anything.
I'll go ahead and chime in to say don't worry about the orgasm. They are different for a woman, no doubt. I can orgasm every time with a good lover and often multiple times, but for me and probably for many woman, it isn't a huge climax as it is for men. I love sex and all the lady parts are covered with feel-good nerve endings that make things very pleasureable, but for me getting to orgasm is like going from a 9.0 on the pleasure richter scale to a 9.3 or a 9.5. Sometimes it's hard to discern whether it was technically an orgasm or not and sometimes there's more of a difference and I know it is.
But actually there can be pleasure that is more intense that the physical muscle spasm that is an orgasm. One orgasm might be at a 6.5 but at another time some amazing sex could be up at an 8 before the orgasm.
So my point is for me and for some women, our pleasure is on a continuum, sometimes like a roller coaster with intensity that ebbs and flows and the orgasm isn't the huge event itself. Getting tied up on making the event happen will take away from all the other pleasure, so I suggest you honest-to-goodness stop worrying about it.
Another another note it does sound like she may have a few minor hang-ups about sex or perhaps loss of control that could relax over time. Sex is always better for those who get into it whole-heartedly... but overall it sounds like you've got a good thing going on. Good for you.
Re: "Orgasm is just not worth the effort"...huh? 
. I will have to take a look at that book though.
