Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
Hey there folks. It has been a while since I have posted. Things have been good with us both inside and outside the bedroom...improving everyday.
One thing has been nagging at me lately though...my wife hardly ever has an orgasm.
She has always been this way and I understand that it is difficult for some woman to climax yet they still enjoy sex. I can't help but feel selfish though. I can have sex or a BJ anytime I want ( I know, I know, why am I complaining). My wife will get into it; flirt a lot before, dress up sometimes, different positions, etc. I know she can climax if I give her oral but it takes a lot of physical and mental effort and I need to be at it for at least 15 mins using all the tricks. She can also get off with a vibe, but only wih a rabit and it takes about 15 mins of work with that as well. I offer to go down town about once every 3-4 times we have sex but she turns me down about 95% of the time. Part of me just wants to accept that the way we do things is perfectly fine but other parts of me feel that I am being a selfish lover or I am just unable to bring the passion and lustful drive she needs to get her to have an orgasm.
Thanks for the feedback. I know she has to do some work physically...says it hurts her calves she has to tense up so much. After she has her orgasm she just is like "...meh...that was OK but not worth the work." She will basically pass up the opportunity every time. She does have OCD so it is really hard for her to relax and get it the mental state to let her body go. I think that is probably more the issue.
When she does let me play and give her oral, she does not want me to work her up first. She does not want to be teased. I just have to dive right into the goods. That troubles me as I know women need a lot of time to warm up. We are playful throughout the day so maybe that is enough foreplay for her?
Another thing is I typically have to speed up the pace of intercourse. I could go for a long time if she wanted to...I would like to take my time if She would let me. The way it typically goes is a few mins of BJ and then if I take more than 15 mins I need to find a way to wrap it up. Just seems strange to me. Posted via Mobile Device
Maybe. I hear her on the calves though. LOL I've had many cramps during playtime. Sucks.
Although, my orgasms are always worth it. Are hers just mellow? I don't get that part.
Sometimes I'm too lazy to get undressed or deal with sex (hahaha) so he gets a BJ (which I love doing). We're both happy and I didn't have to get naked. LMFAO.
She is the same way. We pretty much alternate nights of just BJ and BJ + Sex.
I edited my post to also add that she typically asks me to not take too long...sometimes before we even start and sometimes after we already started. Posted via Mobile Device
This situation sounds all too familiar. Maybe she doesn't want to be teased because she's afraid of disappointing you. In the past I've turned it down because when I would get teased nothing would come out of it. And by that I mean mentally I'm there but physically not and since you obviously want to turn your partner on to the point where she gets an orgasm, she may not want to disappoint you.
Her comment of "It's not worth the effort" ..can relate to that sort of. Of course I'm still inexperienced when it comes to such things and my first time with my husband I was like "Wow! But damn why so hard to get there? It's great without it as well so whatever." I was told it comes with practice and whatnot soooo...maybe all she has to do is learn to let go. As for her calves, depending on how bad the cramp is, it could be enough to turn her off. You're not supposed to hurt during sex! But perhaps her muscles just aren't used to it. It sounds like in this case she needs more foreplay.
Like that girl said, it doesn't matter to me much if I do or not, the fact that I made him happy is more than enough for me.
I don't think there is an issue here. It sounds like a great relationship and I applaud your desire to make her happy. She sounds like she is.
I do suggest you experiment with positions. Some tend to effect women much stronger and make orgasms far easier. I've noticed when my girl is half asleep, she finishes VERY fast. When she's aggressive and wide awake it takes a lot longer.
Good info ladies. It is just SOOO hard for a guy to relate to not having an orgasm. That will literally hurt like H&LL, let alone the frustration. Posted via Mobile Device
I stay on that thing when she lets me...and I better not get off or I will not hear the end of it. I think she is worried that if I start she will not be able to finish. Posted via Mobile Device
"Orgasm is just not worth the effort"...huh? 
And he's a very giving lover.
That trips him out. lol.
