no more kids, and no more sex, and birth control

DTO · 05-10-2012, 03:38 PM

I understand the not feeling connected issue. But, I think the root problem here is that you view sex as just a way to procreate. It does not sound like you attach any value to the eroticism aspect of it - to just "knocking it out" and enjoying each other in that way.

You are preventing the connection you seek. Sex is not about you and him so much as about your maternal ambitions. Rathering than enjoying the pleasure, you think he's cheating you out of something. You are rejecting him just the same as a sexual refuser because the core attitude is "your sexual happiness is not important to me". This will seriously hurt your marriage in time.

IMO you need to see sex as good on its own and detach from procreation. The way you are headed I see three outcomes. One, you will get to the number of kids you want and so immerse yourself in them that sex rarely or never happens. Two, you guys have so many kids that you are scrambling to keep up and don't maintain a relationship. Three, you hit menopause and stop going to him.

Look at it this way - at some point more kids will be out of the picture and all you will have left is the pleasure aspect of it. What will you do then if you maintain the attitude you have now?

Quote:

Originally Posted by bell

okay we have two beautiful children and are very satisfied with the two. I wish we could have a larger family, maybe one more, later on. For now we are trying to be careful and it makes me very worried to get pregnant and its interfering with our sex life. I just dont know how to handle it. Most of the time when we start to have sex i get all anxious and freak out over if we have a condom and get mad if he starts without one and so on...especailly when we start to have sex or during the middle of it, and sometimes i make an excuse to stop during. I used to have a IUD but it felt so un-natural and gave me other complications. I think I want to get on something else soon, but meanwhile its just bothering our sex life because Im so worried to get pregnant again. plus my husband hasnt been treating me as affectionate and makes me feel we shouldnt hes starting not to trust me! I dont know what to do because I want to have sex and all that but need to feel more connected first, plus I almost feel like if he doesnt want more kids, then why should I give it up. Can anyone else relate a or share any suggestions?

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MrsKy · 05-10-2012, 03:50 PM

If you think sex is only for procreation, you are denying your husband a vital part of marriage. I don't understand your restrictive and cold way of thinking.

More wives need to realize that their husband's sexual needs are important as well. It is very selfish to only consider your agenda when it comes to sex. If you want to have sex that is only about you, masturbation works for that purpose.

Look at it this way: Why should your husband give you another child if you only see him as a sperm donor? Most men would be very insulted if their wives only had sex to have more kids. You are communicating that being a mother is the only reason you got married and your husband means nothing. How awful.

All you speak of in your posts are YOUR needs and YOUR need for connection. Sorry, but your outlook is incredibly selfish. Children grow up and live their own lives; women cannot allow themselves to be solely defined by motherhood for this reason.

ScaredandUnsure · 05-10-2012, 04:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bell

got on the pill and everythings been better since. Just wish we had more alone time

Good for you both. Glad things are better.

Browncoat · 05-10-2012, 07:17 PM

So let's not all be too quick to jump on Bell here. It's been over half a year since she's started this thread.

She might very well have changed her attitudes by then.

ScaredandUnsure · 05-10-2012, 07:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Browncoat

So let's not all be too quick to jump on Bell here. It's been over half a year since she's started this thread.

She might very well have changed her attitudes by then.

She posted earlier today, I quoted her post and she said things are better, just wishes they had more "alone" time.

Browncoat · 05-10-2012, 07:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScaredandUnsure

She posted earlier today, I quoted her post and she said things are better, just wishes they had more "alone" time.

Yep, I noticed thanks.

It's just that she said so little, and then folks seemed keen on building on top of what she said at the start of the thread so many months ago. Just thought maybe a bit of perspective might be in order. Lots can change in that time.

ScaredandUnsure · 05-10-2012, 07:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Browncoat

Yep, I noticed thanks.

It's just that she said so little, and then folks seemed keen on building on top of what she said at the start of the thread so many months ago. Just thought maybe a bit of perspective might be in order. Lots can change in that time.

I hear ya. I agree