Runs like Dog

what-evah. All you're all bickering about is how to make "no" more acceptable.

that_girl

__________________

jezza

RLD - your comments are always short and pertinent!

Chilly Morn - Looks like lots of us guys on here are married to selfish women then!I, like many men on here, have gone that extra mile to make their wives feel special...we did it because we loved them but yes also because we hoped that if we were more responsive to their needs, they would be more responsive to ours.
Doesn't/didn't work.

I would suggest that probably atleast 40% of married wives out there see sex as an (now they have children) an unnecessary and evil chore.
The use sex like a carrot and stick.

Mrs. T

Oh lord, I am glad I am one of the 60% who still enjoy the closeness and intimacy of having sex with my husband (not to mention the delicious feeling of having him inside...)

__________________
The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.

Enchantment

I have a feeling that the selfishness probably goes both ways.

Go back and read Hick's last post. It was spot on when he stated the following:

This is going to sound mean, but I don't mean it to be. If you're with a 'carrot and stick' woman, then take a good hard look at yourself for why you chose, ended up with, or stay with that kind of woman. I really do believe that women are sexual creatures - if she's not, then she just doesn't want to be sexual with you. Find out why.

Best wishes.

__________________

Enter these enchanted woods, You who dare. ~ George Meredith

jezza

Enchantment..I wish I knew....if she was having sex with someone else then atleast I would know it was me.

I KNOW she's not having sex with anyone else...and in 14 years of marriage I have never been even slightly conscious of her masturbating....

I wonder why I stay too...maybe a 12 yr old son and a 10yr old daughter has something to do with it....for now anyway.

jezza

And Mrs T....lucky you and even luckier husband!

okeydokie

she took her husband and his money for granted then realized she had to perform to land another man?

Hicks

It's exactly why any man who allows his wife to convince him that "she is just not sexual" is making a very big mistake.

This man just did not know how to step up an challenge his wife's statement that there was no point of sex.

Sawney Beane

Or to combine, she realised she no longer had to perform to get what she wanted?

If this is all it reduces to, essentially a business transaction ("you put out or I don't pay" / "you pay or I don't put out"), it moves away from the general perception of love and marriage, doesn't it?

__________________
Can you rokker Romani chib, pal?
Aye, aye, brother!
What's Weshenjuggalslomomengreskeytemskeytudlogueri?
I don't know what you say, brother.
Then you don't jin Romani chib...

chillymorn

the female double standard

chillymorn

if you have to convince your wife to have sex everytime then I'd rather take care of things myself.

Sawney Beane

Ah, but that's the take-home message from and to a lot of people here:

That unless you are constantly, actively "working", convincing, "gaming", chivvying or downright coercing your wife, jumping her and yourself through hoops and playing ever more complex mind games, your wife will NOT have sex with you.

And if you're doing the above and she still isn't, you aren't doing it enough!

The idea that married couples might have spontaneous, mutually satisfiying sex because they both want to and like it seems to be considered risible.

__________________
Can you rokker Romani chib, pal?
Aye, aye, brother!
What's Weshenjuggalslomomengreskeytemskeytudlogueri?
I don't know what you say, brother.
Then you don't jin Romani chib...

Enchantment

I don't think the idea you mention is risible (pardon the pun) at all. It is laudable - it is what should be happening in marriage. It is just that the forum seems to be skewed toward nothing but problem marriages where this idea is in short supply, or at least in short supply by both partners.

I have NO problem with suggesting people look inside themselves to become a better person - a better partner. I do have a problem when people take it light-heartedly or half-heartedly as a means to simply manipulate their partner. I guess they'll find out in short order that doesn't work.

__________________

Enter these enchanted woods, You who dare. ~ George Meredith

Sawney Beane

Ah, but even in those here who do not have problem marriages, the premise is that they don't have problems because they spend their time playing mind games with their wife and jumping her through hoops - they they constantly need to balance affection with disinterest, love with aggression, dole out each little interaction having weighed, measured and recorded it in a ledger. That it is necessary to behave like someone who is selling people stuff they don't, (like electricity), so you mix up packages of shiny new "deals" to hook them in, and back them up with threats to cut off the power if they don't "pay".

Like I've said, the "Hey, wench, put out now!" approach probably works well on someone who has had their willpower eroded or who has been conditioned through coercive / manipulative behaviour or just plain feels threatened. With someone who's prepared to tell you to take a flying f*ck at a rolling donut, probably not.

Maybe I'm unusually lucky in that I have never had to coerce, manipulate or mindgame my wife into sex, whilst the idea that I need to appear physically dangerous to her in order to get her to sleep with me is absolutely fatuous.

__________________
Can you rokker Romani chib, pal?
Aye, aye, brother!
What's Weshenjuggalslomomengreskeytemskeytudlogueri?
I don't know what you say, brother.
Then you don't jin Romani chib...