Originally Posted by Hicks

Well, if your wife denies sex, then in a proud way you should tell her that it's completely up to her to fix that by being a sexual wife and you will stop resorting to porn to have your sexual needs met.

Originally Posted by Cherry

You are right, I don't understand it because when I'm horny, It takes two seconds to masturbate because I'm already turned on... But I know we are different creatures

As for the mags, my H is welcome to look at those, matter of fact I got him a Hustler subscription during my lowest of low's drive. I really can't explain why that kind of porn is okay, but the live stuff, or maybe it's just the idea of him going to the sites, or something like that, just makes my skin crawl. Although we have a bad history with that stuff. So it's off limits in our home.

Originally Posted by Sawney Beane

And when she tells you she has no desire or inclination to become a sexual wife, and sees exactly no benefit to her from doing so, then what (apart from going back to the porno, of course)?

Originally Posted by Sawney Beane

And when she tells you she has no desire or inclination to become a sexual wife, and sees exactly no benefit to her from doing so, then what (apart from going back to the porno, of course)?

Originally Posted by unbelievable

If a wife is willfully withholding sex from her husband for months on end she ought to be shocked, amazed, flabbergasted, and dumbfounded that he even comes home because she can't seriously believe that she deserves even that much consideration. If he's taking his problem to a magazine instead of another live human being, she is very lucky.

Originally Posted by SockPuppet

I will tell you why Hustler is ok. Because its nothing like video porn. Sure, back in the day Hustler was huge, they showed everybody doing everything. By todays standards Hustler is the most Vanilla of the "hardcore" magazines for men.

Originally Posted by Hicks

Well, the advice I gave was for a wife who attempts to both withhold sex and forbid porn. So of course, if the wife refuses to be sexual I would advise the husband to flaunt the use of porn and tell the wife that she holds the key to ending it f she finds porn and masturbation distasteful. Most likely saying this will not make a wife more sexual toward the husband, but it's really senseless to accept the thought that porn should be forbidden in sexless marriage (to add insult to injury).

Regarding your statement of benefit, if she sees no benefit to being a sexual wife, that is the husband's failure. The benefit being the fullness, richness and pleasure of her married life and family being at stake. Husband needs to provide all of this, and make it so that she would fight hard to keep it.

If she sees the benefit, enjoys the benefit and clearly states she is not willing to be sexual even though she receives the benefits of marriage back from her husband, then he would be foolish to stay with her.

Which is why I advised the OP to run with a thought of how to keep his wife sexual, and not run with a thought of allowing his sex life to crumble and then be in a mode where he is stuck with bills, kids, pets etch.

Originally Posted by Hicks

Your thought process: How can I get off when my wife is not sexual with me...

You should be operating under the thought process: How can I make sure I never wind up with a wife that is not feeling significantly sexual with me.

Originally Posted by Brian.

You need to understand that some women are just not sexual and that's that.

Alot of women have no desire, it's just is not there. The husband could be Jesus Christ himself for all it matters but that wouldn't change a thing. To alot of women sex is just unneccesary. Alot of women wish sex didn't exist.

Originally Posted by Sawney Beane

And when she tells you she has no desire or inclination to become a sexual wife, and sees exactly no benefit to her from doing so, then what (apart from going back to the porno, of course)?

Originally Posted by Horizon74

there can lots of things. Most women are not sexually dead they can still can excited over some hunk in the movies even if they are not wanting anything at home. So here is my list in no particular order.

1/ Not physically attracted. Most women like fit strong men, get to the gym if you don't look good with your shirt off, we don;t expect perfect but we like you to look good digging the garden. Men over estimate their physical attrativeness, don;t suck the gut in or flex
when in front of mirror let it all hang out and see what she sees.

2/ Resentment - this is a killer and it kills desire, if she resents you for stuff you need to get to the bottom of it before things will improve.

3/ Mental attraction - You are behaving in ways that she doesn;t respect, maybe find immature, it is essential for a woman to respect you to desire you.

4/ Habits and cleanliness - ittle things can get to us, be clean and if she comments on little behaviours try and stop doing them, they can turn us off.

5/ Stress, kid work etc, try and relieve some of this for her, get sitters, do more your self, so she has time for her.

6/ Feeling unattractive, goes with number five if she has more time for herself she can spend time looking good and therefore feeling good, encourage this. Work out with her if wieght is inhibiting her.

7/birth control, is her drive related to changes or time she is on birth control.

Originally Posted by Horizon74

Not in my experience, of myself or any of my friends, sure lots of them have sexless relationships but those women are still sexual, they still comment on hot guys, cheeky comments from men they are attracted to still make them giggle. So they are sexual just not with their partner, they aren;t attracted to them for whatever reason and that can be varied.

The only time I have had any friends with no desire at all is when they are severely depressed, can't work for months, can't, can't eat get out of bed type of depressed.

Women are sexual, I think this is a lie spread that we are not, but I do think we can be more sensitive to things that dampen our arousal. I think women use this excuse with their partners that they are just not into sex at all as a way to placate them, the reality, as hard as it may be to hear, is that she is just not into sex with you. This is savable, she can be again.