Brian.

I know alot of women are very anti-porn.

Alot of women are also often not in the mood to have sex when their husbands want to.

What do you ladies want the husband to do in a situation like that? Would you feel it's acceptable that the man watches porn to get himself off when you're not up for it? Or do you think the man should just abstain from any sexual release? Or do you feel that he should try and get himself off without any visual stimulation?

I read somewhere(cant remember where) off a couple where the wife had a low sex drive but they had sex tapes of themselves so when the wife wasn't in the mood, the husband would watch those sex tapes... which is I think technicly also porn LOL. Is that something that would be acceptable for you ladies out there?

Personally though I don't think I would like the idea. It would just feel creepy masturbating to videos or pics of my wife(if I had one that is) when she isn't in the mood. I'd sit there having sex with her in my imagination while she is sleeping or doing something completley different and not having a shred of thought on sex.

If your husband wants sex but your not in the mood what would be the ideal thing for him to do?

Enchantment

This is something that each couple has to work through on their own, because everyone is going to have different thoughts and beliefs. There is no one-size fits all.

If you're not married yet, then this is definitely a good topic of discussion with your SO before you get married to find out what their feelings are on the subject and to share yours.

Lots of things change over time, and if you're in a marriage for the long haul, you have to be willing to work with each other in order to find the best solution for you as a COUPLE.

__________________

Enter these enchanted woods, You who dare. ~ George Meredith

Brian.

I'm curious though about what ladies oppinion in general are on this matter.

janesmith

There a a lot of creative things partners can do most are just too lazy or unimaginative or have other hangups. when I dont want to have sex, he can rub one out himself, ill give hand or blow job, or "gasp" he can wait until we are in sync and go at it together. When he doesnt want sex I can rub one out. I dont really want oral without penetration or "gasp" i can wait. we have been married 17 years and over time sex drives wax and wane for a number of reasons and we have gone through our dry spells especially when the kids were young or he was in grad school or when i was in grad school. we make it work

Brian.

But that can take weeks lol.

Most healthy men in their 20's need to have some sort of sexual release a few times a week atleast.

janesmith

if it took weeks id have a MAJOR attitude. Im talking about the next day or two or the weekend. Not making sex a priority is an indication of something wrong and there WOULD be a strong conversation about why and how we fix it.

when we went though a dry spell im talking a couple of time per month, i confronted him an asked him if he was sleeping with someone else because he wasnt sleeping with me (im cleaning it up for here, because i wasnt so nice in my language at the time the conversation happened)

I dont have any advice thats probably not already in other threads about this subject, im sorry

I dont understand myself. A husband cant have sex with his wife but she gets her panties in a bunch if he is watching porn or maturbating. Ive never heard of chicks so concerned about their man's sex life when they arent an active part of it

unbelievable

I believe there are women (probably some men) who have nightmares that their partner might experience five minutes of peace or joy.

Enchantment

Well, if you're in a LTR like a marriage, it will be natural that there will be ebbs and flows in the sexual relationship. That is just life, so you have to make the best of it.

If both partners are committed to each other, love and care about each other, respect each other, and care about meeting each other's needs, then you just work at it.

We have an open door policy in our house. Any time one or the other wants to have sex, the other tries to oblige. It makes it so that we are very in-tune with what the other person may be needing or may be feeling at that point. For instance, one of us may just be tired out of our mind, so just cuddling/holding each other - maybe while the one needing it masturbates if necessary - works. It doesn't always have to have all the bells and whistles - sometimes the smallest things done for your partner can mean the most.

You just have to be open to working with each other, because waiting until both are in the mood and in the moment and everything works out perfectly, usually means it doesn't happen. You have to be willing to MAKE it happen at times, if necessary. And that could also involve lots of things that you do for each other OUTSIDE the bedroom.

Best wishes.

__________________

Enter these enchanted woods, You who dare. ~ George Meredith

Cherry

I never understood this.... If a man is already horny, what does he need to look at porn for? To get hornier?

Anyway, if my H is horny and I don't want to do anything, he usually just masturbates in the shower or in the bed, after I fall asleep (so he says). Otherwise he gets the real thing 1 or 2 times a week... Sometimes more if kiddo's are away for a few days.

Off topic, my H quit looking at porn several months ago, and low and behold his sex drive came down to what I perceive as a fairly healthy amount now... He was always horny it seemed when he looked at that stuff lol

mary35

I 100% agree with everything Enchantment said!

But now I am going to answer Brian's questions as to what my preference would be given the situation he has presented.

My preference would be that my husband get his release with out porn. It would seem to me that if he is horny enough to need a release and can't wait, then he doesn't really need the porn. My second preference would be that, if necessary, he use the videos of me and not some other woman. I would rather he not watch porn at all.

Now - here is where my thoughts get confusing and don't make sense, but it is still how i feel. I don't mind if my husband fantasizes about other woman in his head while getting off. To me that is make believe and the woman aren't real. What is in his head and imagination is fine. I told you this was not logical at all To me when my husband gets off watching porn, I feel he is basically having sex with the woman or women he is watching. It feels too much like they are real women. Don't ask me to explain why it is OK in my head for him to fantasize in his head about another woman, but not OK to watch another woman on a screen. Honestly I don't have a clue why I feel that way - I just do! lol

okeydokie

could it be about control?

SockPuppet

Staring at the bathroom wall gets real dull, real quick.


What a lot of women dont understand is that a mans sexual drive is more than "the need to nut"

We can be as horny as a three horned rhino, but not stimulated. They say men are visual creatures, which would require some visuals to help get us in the mood, even though our small head already is in said mood.

I had that talk with my wife, said "I want to respect your sex, but I cant handle staring at the bathroom wall anymore!"

She didnt know what to do, as she wasnt up for pity HJ, pity BJ and not comfortable with me watching porn. She said I could buy a mag and hide it from her, but if she finds it she will be upset. Thats a no go. As a manning up kinda man I should have pressed the point she made. oh well....

I never did get a proper responce from her, but alas, manning up is about more than increasing sex quantity. But as you man up sex quantity goes up. For that reason I dont have any need to bring up the bathroom wall with wifey.

Hicks

Your thought process: How can I get off when my wife is not sexual with me...

You should be operating under the thought process: How can I make sure I never wind up with a wife that is not feeling significantly sexual with me.

Cherry

You are right, I don't understand it because when I'm horny, It takes two seconds to masturbate because I'm already turned on... But I know we are different creatures

As for the mags, my H is welcome to look at those, matter of fact I got him a Hustler subscription during my lowest of low's drive. I really can't explain why that kind of porn is okay, but the live stuff, or maybe it's just the idea of him going to the sites, or something like that, just makes my skin crawl. Although we have a bad history with that stuff. So it's off limits in our home.

Elliott

I joined this site because I came across this thread (using a google search). I'm going through the exact same problem in my Seven year marriage.

Since 2005 my wife has been loosing her sex drive (around the same time our first child was born). Every year the sex gets cut in half. After our second child my wife had a IUD inserted. Now her sex drive is even worse. We've gone months with only having sex 3-5 times. when we were dating/first married it was 5-10 times a week.

Yesterday she admitted to me that the IUD is making things worse. But it's been going on 6 straight years now. What am I to do?

I most women's sex drive and stress are linked. Which I think is unfair because stress will always be in ones life. Bills, and the cost of living will always be a factor, why would outside factors that are barely within your control effect your sexual desire towards your husband. That's like me not wanting to take a piss because it's snowing in Russia.

My wife is against the porn thing and honestly it pisses me off watching other guys get some when I can't get any.