I am struggling with what forum to put this in. But since it most likely will be using sexual words and terms I decided to put it here.
I think the folks who be most qualified to answer this would be those who have been threw sexual abuse of some sort or maybe even who are LD. Though all opinions will be appreciated. I am working on an issue in T. I am having great difficulty. I have a history of CSA and rape as a teenager. I also have a history of spousal abuse. I have seen nothing but negative things in regards to sex. There is nothing positive about CSA and rape. I have also been told for the last 20 years that I am worthless, useless, lazy, stupid and many other things. So that being said human sexuality is not a positive thing for me. My H and I are separated, and weather I go back to him eventually or not is not really the point of this thread. I need to get my sexlife strightened out for me. Not for my H or some other man.
My home work from my T was to fantasize what the perfect sexual encounter would be. Due to my abusive past my brain is not capable of doing that. It only knows what is bad. I have such huge issues. I have to keep my shirt on during sex because I cannot stand the sensations that should be enjoyable, such as from breast play. I cannot have someone touch my back or rub my back or stroke my back or shoulders because that is where I store my trauma. So I keep my shirt on during sex. I also wear socks during sex, that gives one a sense of safety for some reason. (That is why when you are given a rape kit it includes socks)
I do not think I am going to be able to come up with a fantasy. I am afraid to go there at the moment. It would be like opening pandora's box. But instead I am making a list of positive words and sensations, feelings and such that are associated with sex. The hope is if I read these things and tell my brain that it is ok to feel this way it will start to believe me. Then I can eventually go there. I have not words to describe that at the moment that are positive. That is where I need your help. Can you share with me positive statements, words, feelings or whatever that has to do with sex. It doesn't matter if you are male of female. I just need to put a positive spin on sex.
I know that is an odd thing to ask for help in doing, but I don't know how I am going to come up with these statements and words other wise.
I think the folks who be most qualified to answer this would be those who have been threw sexual abuse of some sort or maybe even who are LD. Though all opinions will be appreciated. I am working on an issue in T. I am having great difficulty. I have a history of CSA and rape as a teenager. I also have a history of spousal abuse. I have seen nothing but negative things in regards to sex. There is nothing positive about CSA and rape. I have also been told for the last 20 years that I am worthless, useless, lazy, stupid and many other things. So that being said human sexuality is not a positive thing for me. My H and I are separated, and weather I go back to him eventually or not is not really the point of this thread. I need to get my sexlife strightened out for me. Not for my H or some other man.
My home work from my T was to fantasize what the perfect sexual encounter would be. Due to my abusive past my brain is not capable of doing that. It only knows what is bad. I have such huge issues. I have to keep my shirt on during sex because I cannot stand the sensations that should be enjoyable, such as from breast play. I cannot have someone touch my back or rub my back or stroke my back or shoulders because that is where I store my trauma. So I keep my shirt on during sex. I also wear socks during sex, that gives one a sense of safety for some reason. (That is why when you are given a rape kit it includes socks)
I do not think I am going to be able to come up with a fantasy. I am afraid to go there at the moment. It would be like opening pandora's box. But instead I am making a list of positive words and sensations, feelings and such that are associated with sex. The hope is if I read these things and tell my brain that it is ok to feel this way it will start to believe me. Then I can eventually go there. I have not words to describe that at the moment that are positive. That is where I need your help. Can you share with me positive statements, words, feelings or whatever that has to do with sex. It doesn't matter if you are male of female. I just need to put a positive spin on sex.
I know that is an odd thing to ask for help in doing, but I don't know how I am going to come up with these statements and words other wise.