I would suggest this book for you both.... Amazon.com: Let Me Count the Ways: Discovering Great Sex Without Intercourse (9780874779561): Marty Klein, Riki Robbins: Books
I think this would be very very difficult, accually, I am the type of person who thinks TOO much, I have thought about stuff LIKE this before we took our vows, and honesty, I just hope I never see such a day, cause I think I would get very very depressed...being on either side of this.
I think we need to get Creative
when such blows come our way. What else can you do...you love and honor her, she loves & adores you. Now you have a "new" situation at hand, a new reality to deal with , something you both need to "grieve" what precious was lost ---do it together and.... get creative together.
Keep the lines of communication open.. and flowing, much affection, much caring to listen to her, hold her, be that wonderful husband she will want to please.
What I hope for you, and her.... is eventually when things get more settled.... as you have helped her getting through this & loved on her.....she will turn her thoughts to YOU once again, her husband, knowing you are still very much a man in need of release and still wanting that emotional connection as well.... that she will open up her mind ....caring to learn ever NEW ways to please you.... Oral ways specifically... it is never to late to learn, my learning started at age 42 !!
Before that, I was just not into it- Now, I can't get enough, it is a mindset.... ....even in this.... it would make her FEEL Better somehow that all has not been lost.....that she still has the power to light your fire and bring you to release, and she is a part of it all. I can't imagine a good wife not wanting to do this , again, once the dust has settled and you are looking for more creativity.
I just feel it could make all the differnce in the world in your handling this.....It is part of that getting "creative"....
So many books on Amazon : Amazon.com: oral sex: Books
What about her, can she ever have orgasms again? What can you do ?