qigong

Based on many of the posts in this forum it appears that sex is not only alive and well, but highly desired in many marriages. However, I hear a lot to the contrary, so I wanted some actual data on this. So, if you're interested in participating, I have a short survey:

1) How would you rate your overall sex life (i.e., do you feel your needs are being met)?

5 - Over the top - never been happier!
4 - Above average - feeling very satisfied with quantity/quality of my sex life
3 - My needs are being met - I really can't complain, but now and again would like more passion/excitement
2 - Needs are barely met at best. I want/need more sex/intimacy and it should be more satisfying
1 - We never, almost never have sex. And/or when we do he/she doesn't know how to please me. I couldn't be more dissatisfied.

2) How is the actual quality of your sex most of the time when you do it?

5 - Mind-blowing! I forget where I'm even at after.
4 - Awesome - some of the best sex ever most of the time
3 - Darn good - satisfied with my partner, though there are times I wish it could be more intense
2 - Eh, it's just okay. Enough to keep me going for now.
1 - Horrible! He/she has no idea how to please me.

3) How often do you have sex(on the average)?

5 - Everyday or more! Wow!
4 - About 3-5 times per week
3 - About 1-2 times per week
2 - Once or twice a month, sometimes less
1 - Feels like never to actually never

4) How many years have you been married?


5) What was your sex life before marriage?

5 - Over the top - never been happier!
4 - Above average - feeling very satisfied with quantity/quality of my sex life
3 - My needs are being met - I really can't complain, but now and again would like more passion/excitement
2 - Needs are barely met at best. I want/need more sex/intimacy and it should be more satisfying
1 - We never, almost never have sex. And/or when we do he/she doesn't know how to please me. I couldn't be more dissatisfied.

6) What do you LOVE about your sex life and partner, sexually?



7) What's missing from you sex life? What would you improve about it, about your partner and/or about yourself?





Thanks for you inputs. I'll answer it myself.

okeydokie

2
3
2
21
4
its usually gratifying, albeit infrequent
i would like for it to be higher on her priority list, i dont want to be fit into the schedule

qigong

1) 1
2) 2, though sometimes it's actually pretty good
3) 2, but feels like about never and getting less frequent
4) 1.2 years
5) 4 - not the best of my life, but I was really happy with it
6) I love it when she's really into it, ravenous and jumps on top

7) We never do it anymore. She categorically announced she doesn't want sex except maybe 1-2 times per year. I'm sure there may be things I could do better or differently but she'd never tell me what those things are. I'm willing to do anything to make her feel more relaxed, comfortable, sexy, you name it, but she says she doesn't feel like it and doesn't know why. Sometimes I think that is a lie, but I'm starting to believe she has some kind of problem.

She admitted to viewing sex as merely a physical act and can only get into it at the beginning of the relationship and could only get into again if she had a new relationship. She said she wants to be married and loves me but doesn't want sex. I don't get this on any level accept there is something dysfunctional about her idea of sex and/or she had some kind of trauma when she was younger.

I could understand this a little better if we'd been married for 5+ years, but one year? Really?? I'll be supportive if she can't explain what's going on or decide to seek help to uncover why, then I don't think I can hang on. I'm willing to do anything (except permanently give up sex) to make this marriage work and I'll do anything to get her in the mood and make her feel relaxed and sexy. I've tried a 100 things and nothing matters. She's admitted that there's nothing I can do.

Enchantment

1) How would you rate your overall sex life (i.e., do you feel your needs are being met)?

4 - Above average - feeling very satisfied with quantity/quality of my sex life


2) How is the actual quality of your sex most of the time when you do it?

4 - Awesome - some of the best sex ever most of the time


3) How often do you have sex(on the average)?

4 - About 3-5 times per week


4) How many years have you been married?

23


5) What was your sex life before marriage?

4 - Above average - felt very satisfied with quantity/quality of my sex life (Note it was with the same man who is my husband.)


6) What do you LOVE about your sex life and partner, sexually?

Everything. He completes me, and we seem to have finally gotten on the same page together now.


7) What's missing from you sex life? What would you improve about it, about your partner and/or about yourself?

I want to try more things. I want to have the energy to try more things (okay I wish I knew all that I know now when I was younger).

__________________

Enter these enchanted woods, You who dare. ~ George Meredith

HappyWife40

1) 5
2) 5
3) 4
4) 18 (together for 23)
5) 3
6) It's just so much fun! I swear he knows me better than I know myself! I think it gets better year after year.
7) Nothing is really missing, but we do have three kids, so no parading around the house naked or anything. We go away without them a few times a year and my husband says that I'm going to break him.

The one thing I would change about myself, is that I would love to be able to swallow. I love giving BJ's, but I can't get past the taste/texture. I been that way about food since I was a little kid. One of these days, I will get over it. Mind over matter, right?

SepticChange

1) Overall sex life is between 2 and 3. It's not bad but after reading here how amazing sex is for many couples and how they feel, it seem so great anymore.

2) 2. I like sex...never got enough of it in the past to really know what it's like to be satisfied and I think he knows that and doesn't try all that hard since it's "harder" to please me than what he's used to.

3) 2 - before I was on the pill. I started the pill the day after he left and he's coming home today so we'll see if that was really his excuse for not touching me much!

4) We've only been married for 2 months which is why I'm not so discouraged about a lot of things. Lots of time to learn.

5) 3 - We were long distance for a while so it was better than nothing!

6) I love how he likes to take charge and be the dominant one.

7) What's missing...I dunno..to be honest we've only had sex and I've yet to really experience this "making love" that people are talking about. He's young so he's all about bam bam ok done! I know it sounds bad but again, I didn't know any better before. I also wish he was more patient and wouldn't get frustrated when he has a hard time pleasing me. Hopefully we will have sex more frequently. And about me...I just wish I would stop sweating so much! When I'm on top and it drips everywhere I sometimes just want to get it over with because it sometimes grosses him out lmao.

Skate Daddy 9

1) How would you rate your overall sex life (i.e., do you feel your needs are being met)?

2 - Needs are barely met at best. I want/need more sex/intimacy and it should be more satisfying

2) How is the actual quality of your sex most of the time when you do it?

3 - Darn good - satisfied with my partner, though there are times I wish it could be more intense

3) How often do you have sex(on the average)?

2 - Once or twice a month, sometimes less

4) How many years have you been married?
19

5) What was your sex life before marriage?
It was a white wedding

6) What do you LOVE about your sex life and partner, sexually?
Everything except that it does not happen enough.


7) What's missing from you sex life? What would you improve about it, about your partner and/or about yourself?
Just more often, my wife thinks that I should just wait for her to get in the mood.

Created2Write

Sure. I'll participate.

Hmm...right now, my answer to this question is #5: Over the top - never been happier. I've always had a high sex drive, but negativity from others I know and on other forums I've been on sort of placed negative thoughts and feelings in my mind in regards to sex. This place has helped me overcome those thoughts and my husband and I have had sex nearly everyday and in more ways than we ever have before.

Hmmm...I'd have to answer #5 on this one too. Especially lately. Hubs is on his way home now and I'm sure he'll be in the mood for some good, hot lovin'.

Hmmm...I'd have to say between #4 and #5. Sometimes it's everyday, sometimes less. It depends on the week, to be honest. Especially after I start school.

Two years. We're in our third right now.

Ohhh, lol. Definitely #5. In fact, our sex life was far more frequent before marriage. But not quite as satisfying, to be honest. But still really good.

Well, my husband's penis is over nine inches long. Whenever I go on top, 8 times out of ten I have at least one vaginal orgasm, and 6 times out of ten I have more than one. That's pretty high on my list of what I love about my husband sexually.

As for what I love about our sex life, I love that he's willing to try new things with me. I mention something new and he's usually all for trying it. He's very into our sex life and making it better/keeping it fresh and exciting and I really love that about him.

Hmmm...I don't really think there's anything "missing". I would like more lengthy role playing. I enjoy it a lot. It helps me to forget about the overly strict background I was raised in and allow the sexual fiend in me(as my husband calls it) to come out.

As for what I'd improve about hubs, only his bad breath. lol.

that_girl

1) How would you rate your overall sex life (i.e., do you feel your needs are being met)?

4 - Above average - feeling very satisfied with quantity/quality of my sex life.


2) How is the actual quality of your sex most of the time when you do it?

4 - Awesome - some of the best sex ever most of the time

3) How often do you have sex(on the average)?

About everyday.

4) How many years have you been married?

2.3 years. Together for 4 years.


5) What was your sex life before marriage?

5 - Over the top - never been happier!


6) What do you LOVE about your sex life and partner, sexually?

He is so confident and experimental. He makes me feel at ease and connected to him. He can be vulnerable but not in a wimpy way. He watches my face to hit the right spots. He's very giving and wants to please me. I've never been this attracted to someone for so long. He's the sexiest man I've ever met.



7) What's missing from you sex life? What would you improve about it, about your partner and/or about yourself?
Nothing really...just want him to move home.

__________________

heartsbeating

4: Above average - feeling very satisfied with quantity/quality of my sex life

4: Awesome - some of the best sex ever most of the time

4: About 3-5 times per week

Together 16 years

In the early days we were very free, kinky, role-playing and all-nighters. Recently we've made necessary changes together for our relationship to continue and the feeling of passion and desire has returned at a deeper level.

I feel trust and respect to be completely open with him sexually. I love that we're still discovering new things about each other. That we both faced our relationship issues and the part we played, to get to a better place which has helped our sex life. Oh and that we want to please each other, to make each other feel revitalized, connected and sexy

I'm improving on being subtle (rather than just being forward), giving him the space to pursue me and remembering that long-term attraction is made up of many wonderful components and meeting each others needs. I'm stepping up my end for romance and sensual intimacy too. He's continuing to open up sexually with me, allowing himself to be vulnerable with his fantasies, and expressing what he wants to do to me (which I love). We've both turned our focus back inward towards each other.

__________________
"Victims; aren't we all" - The Crow

SimplyAmorous

5. Never been happier. Yes, ALL my "needs" are met, couldn't ask for more . But you know us women, doesn't mean we still wouldn't want a little "more" in some areas. I am no different.

4 & 5: Mind blowing if we wait a 3-4 days in between , but still awesome & the best ever in comparison to our very quiet vanilla in the dark under the covers 2 position sex life of most of our marraige.

4 & 5: we average 5 - 6 times a week, but on occasion pull a 7 days in a row. I keep a "sex calender" to keep tract, curious to see how long we can ride this out. Been 3 yrs now.

22 yrs

We were virgins who only touched each other to orgasm, no touching of his genitals to mine until our Wedding night.

I would say 4 - we were happy with that at the time and felt good about "waiting" for intercourse. But had alot of religious guilt attached to our enjoyment of this orgasmic pleasure -at least I did. It was VERY hard at 1st to not go all the way, but we overcame and stuck to our boundaries.


My husband is a pure GIVER, my pleasure means more to him than his own, he has always been this way.

Not sure I like this one more than the other, but for him, he has admitted it is MORE about the "emotional connection" with me, it is ONLY "making love" to him, NEVER "sex" -over raw LUST, sometimes I think that RAW LUST would be really FUN, but I would have to starve him awhile to bring that out-if even then. So it is what it is. We are older now, after all.

I LOVE the fact he is a Phyiscal Toucher who ALWAYS wants touched & wants to touch. I love the fact we orgasm together 9 times out of 10. I love the fact he is emotionally "mushy" in bed, but at the same time can handle my fights - (always fight naked!), then we go on to have intense make up sex, he has a way of always getting me to laugh in the midst of these things.

I just wish we could go back in time and relive what we missed, but that can't be done, so we have NOW, we are making up for lost time, rectifying the blunders I made when I was not so sexually intune with myself while he felt rejected & less loved- and his quietly suffering silently all those years.

I sometimes wish he was more aggressive with me but come to learn that is what he loves - the aggressive seductive woman - I can play this role pretty nicely -so it "works" for us. I also wish he was more creative but I am the more creative force between us. It is what it is. He is over 100% satisfied , sometimes I am a bit much, he tells me with a big grin ...I overmilked his cow. I KNOW he is very very happy.

__________________
"Love Good Blog"

qigong

Wow. Those are some amazing reports. It's nice to hear that there are many out there who are so well connected sexually, although it appears I'm dealing with a skewed sample. My hypothesis is that the happy ones are more than willing to report and the not-so-happy, well, not so much.

I like that it gives me perspective and some hope. My own sex life is pretty terrible, but there is a new found reason for that and it will take some time. Perhaps with work and patience we'll get there. If I didn't love her so much and believe that despite our recent problems and challenges I don't know that I could hang in there.

Please continue to share.

All the best.

FirstYearDown

1) 4. My husband lost a point because he cannot manage daily sex. Other than that, I am satisfied.

2)5. I often fall asleep afterwards!


3)4. *sigh*

4)I have been married for a year, together for five.

5.)5. We did not see each other every day, so the frequency oddly felt like more. After we moved in together, I noticed that every day was not possible.

6) I love that I have tried things with my husband, that I have never tried with anyone else. I love how gentle he is with me, since my vagina is unusually small. He never pressures me into acts that I do not enjoy, like other partners. He revels in my body, even though I think my belly is ugly.

7) The only thing that is missing from my sex life is the frequency. 3-4 times a week is often, but I want it every single day.

qigong

Thanks to all for the feedback! Some great stories indeed. I do believe we have a skewed sample here (most who are happy with their sex lives are more willing to respond), but that's okay.

It gives me hope. After the past 2 relationships, I was beginning to wonder, but I think I'm may be making poor choices. Obviously love languages need to match. In my marriage they don't which is part of the problem.

I would love to hear about your stories:

*How did you meet your spouse?
*What drew you to him/her?
*What was it about that person which told you, "this is the one?"
*What do you do to keep the love life spicy?

Thanks!

HappyWife40

We met for the very first time when he was 13 and I was 14. If I remember correctly, He called me "stupid", my (unspoken) thought was "you are a dumb seventh grader". We went to a small, private school together and our families went to the same church.

I really "noticed" him when he was 16, at church camp. Boy, did I fall hard! What drew me to him was his amazing sense of humor. He had (and still does have) a combination of goofiness and really intelligent wit. It also helped that I found him really good-looking. He wasn't your typical handsome jock, but to me, he couldn't have looked better.

I don't know what exactly it was that made me think he was "the one". I think it was a combination of his personality, his humor, his looks and I'm sure several other things. We were just kids, but he was the one I have always wanted.

To keep the love life spicy: We do all sorts of things, but the fact that neither one of us is bashful or embarrassed when it comes to sex really helps. If one of us says "let's try this..." the other one most likely say "sure, that sounds like fun" (we don't use those exact words, that would be dorky, but you get the point).

This is all sounds wonderful, but we have had our problems, definitely. I don't want anyone to read this and think, oh sure, their life is perfect. We have had issues, but we have worked through them and come out the other side stronger.