Re: Great marriage, poor sex life.
I couldn't imagine a life without, or with very little sex. My wife and I had this discussion BEFORE we got married. After 20 years together I still can't remember a time she said no, and we still have sex about 5 times a week.
My wife is also an elementary school teacher, and yes, the stress of her job is extreme. What a lot of people don't realize is the actual time a teacher puts into her job. I can tell you this, it most certainly isn't a 9 month job. Dealing with kids who won't behave, parents who won't discipline their kids, parents who criticize the teacher when it's not the teacher's responsibility and is beyond her control, lesson plans around disruptive kids, testing, contributing and participating in extracurricular activities, grading papers, entering grades, taking further required education classes during the summer, kids at home, a husband, etc. The list is neverending.
I can understand the stress levels she has. I see them firsthand. That still doesn't excuse her from duties as a wife. Do you help at home with housework, meals, cleaning? Is she on birth control?
By the way, I am 55 years old, and my wife is 50. We are Christians who are active in our church. Are y'all Christians? Read 1 Corinthians 7. We live it. My body is hers, and hers is mine. We respect each other, and realize that sex is necessary if one or the other spouse wants it. It's God's will.
She absolutely NEEDS to address her issues, not only for you, but for herself. It's obvious something is amiss, and it could be something easily addressed if only she could see past her personal fear long enough to see how this affecting not only you, but herself, and her family. Has she ever given you any kind of inkling as to what she thinks is causing her lack of desire? Is she still attracted to you? Does she think the kids don't know that Daddy is frustrated with her for some reason? Does she even know this is NOT normal? Are you willing to stand up to her and tell her you're not happy with the lack of intimacy, and if she doesn't address it the marriage could be in trouble?
Sometimes you have to absolutely rock the marriage for changes to happen. I'm praying that things change. Reaching out for help is a step in the right direction. Getting her to reach out is what needs to happen.