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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 10-07-2011, 08:28 AM   #91 (permalink)
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Default Re: No sex during or after pregnancy (18 months total)

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I definitely don't want to resent my child. My child is innocent in this and deserves to be loved. This is between my wife and me.
While that is good to hear, be careful and aware of your actions and feelings to avoid this. You are absolutely right that your child is innocent. But is can be very easy to to subconsiously blame that child. In hind sight, I believe an acquaintance did that very thing. He was active in the children's life on the surface (coached them, took care of their basic needs, etc.), but was clear that he interacted with them as little as possible. Aside comments from him, as well as pretty clear commetns from his wife, indicated that his role at best was a servant to her and the children.

Although I am sure he would strongly deny it, I believe he resented his kids as well. It was wrong, and much his fault, but I don't think he realized it was even happening, so please be careful.
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Old 10-07-2011, 11:36 AM   #92 (permalink)
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Default Re: No sex during or after pregnancy (18 months total)

Thanks for the words of advice, Tall. I need to get this straightened out. I'm going to have a more involved talk with her this weekend. We'll see how it goes.

To That_Girl, you are one of the special ones. Your husband is very lucky. My W makes it sound like women like you don't exist.
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Old 10-07-2011, 11:37 AM   #93 (permalink)
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Default Re: No sex during or after pregnancy (18 months total)

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Thanks for the words of advice, Tall. I need to get this straightened out. I'm going to have a more involved talk with her this weekend. We'll see how it goes.

To That_Girl, you are one of the special ones. Your husband is very lucky. My W makes it sound like women like you don't exist.
Does she talk to other women? Does she have good female friends? Does she get out of the house without the baby?
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Old 10-07-2011, 11:43 AM   #94 (permalink)
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Does she talk to other women? Does she have good female friends? Does she get out of the house without the baby?
Yes, she has girlfriends. A few of them have babies slightly older than ours. I invite her to hang out with her friends while I take care of the baby, but she hasn't taken me up on it.
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Old 10-07-2011, 12:03 PM   #95 (permalink)
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Yes, she has girlfriends. A few of them have babies slightly older than ours. I invite her to hang out with her friends while I take care of the baby, but she hasn't taken me up on it.
Don't give her a choice. Take your child out for a walk at the park, and explictly tell her she is not invited. Call one of her friends and have her pick you wife up at the same time. Get her away from the child and interacting as a woman, not as a mom.
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Old 10-07-2011, 12:06 PM   #96 (permalink)
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Default Re: No sex during or after pregnancy (18 months total)

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Don't give her a choice. Take your child out for a walk at the park, and explictly tell her she is not invited. Call one of her friends and have her pick you wife up at the same time. Get her away from the child and interacting as a woman, not as a mom.
Word. Don't leave it up to her -- force her hand. If nothing else, it keeps her from saying "you never let me have time to myself!" If you put her in a position where she really can't say no, then she'll start to break the inertia.

Besides, kids are great for attracting female attention. Not saying you should cheat, of course, but striking up a conversation with a pretty young MILF at the park can do wonders for your ego and your confidence.
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Old 10-07-2011, 12:20 PM   #97 (permalink)
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Hmm, I may have to try this. She has a couple friends pretty close by. Maybe they can go out for breakfast when I take the baby for his morning walk.
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Old 10-07-2011, 12:20 PM   #98 (permalink)
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Default Re: No sex during or after pregnancy (18 months total)

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Don't give her a choice. Take your child out for a walk at the park, and explictly tell her she is not invited. Call one of her friends and have her pick you wife up at the same time. Get her away from the child and interacting as a woman, not as a mom.
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Old 10-07-2011, 12:36 PM   #99 (permalink)
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Default Re: No sex during or after pregnancy (18 months total)

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Hmm, I may have to try this. She has a couple friends pretty close by. Maybe they can go out for breakfast when I take the baby for his morning walk.
Yes, Joe, start to get her out of the house more without baby. And not just with her girlfriends, but you two alone (without baby). Start getting out and about together - dating like - again.

She has let that 'woman' part of her be shut down by the 'mommy' part and it needs to be re-awakened.

Best wishes.
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Old 10-07-2011, 02:50 PM   #100 (permalink)
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Yes, I've got to push the issue more. I've asked her out on dates, but she said she's not ready yet.
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Old 10-07-2011, 02:56 PM   #101 (permalink)
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Default Re: No sex during or after pregnancy (18 months total)

Just take her out. Even with the baby. Hubs and I would go to dinner and the baby would sleep the whole time. lol. But she was the perfect baby, unlike our first. LOL
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Old 10-07-2011, 03:03 PM   #102 (permalink)
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We go out with the baby more and more. We've went out recently to a couple nice restaurants.
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Old 10-07-2011, 03:07 PM   #103 (permalink)
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Default Re: No sex during or after pregnancy (18 months total)

That's good. Do it at least 2 times a month. Drink some wine...even with nursing, she can have a glass of wine.
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Old 10-07-2011, 03:14 PM   #104 (permalink)
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Thanks, we're starting to go at least twice per month. We enjoy ourselves when we do. Too bad she doesn't drink. I could use a beer though.
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Old 10-08-2011, 05:42 AM   #105 (permalink)
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Default Re: No sex during or after pregnancy (18 months total)

Joe, with an 18 month dry spell you are way beyond date nights and letting her have some free time.

You have to have a conversation where she either acknowledges that a marriage is a sexual relationship or doesn't. If she feels that marriages do not need to be sexual, then you two are on a very different page in terms of core values.

IF she acknowledges that marriage is sexual, ask her what steps she needs to take to turn her marriage into a properly functioning marriage.
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