Wanting intimacy but holding back

trudy · 10-04-2011, 05:58 PM

For those of you who have suspected yr partner of cheating, did you still continue to have sex with him/her whilst trying to gather evidence? I am having a hard time being intimate in these circumstances and have stopped, even though the urge is still there.

It just feels wrong plus I have concerns about STDs if it turns out he has been cheating.

Conversely if it turns out I am wrong and he has been faithful then I am not be doing our relationship any good by not being intimate.

I would very much appreciate any insight you can offer on this - haven't seen it talked about elsewhere.

rotor · 10-04-2011, 06:25 PM

Yes, IMHO it’s best not to tip your hand that you have your suspicions in order to prevent them from going underground. "Trust but verify"

Regards,

rotor

trudy · 10-05-2011, 02:16 AM

Thanks for confirming that I need to stop withholding, but keep vigilent.

Believe me I'd like nothing better than to get into it and enjoy it but involuntarily I keep pulling back. I've even stopping kissing him (apart from the odd peck) because it feels too good and I don't want to get carried away to start having sex.

I don't know how to make myself have sex with him at this time and I'm really worried that he will get fed up of waiting and go elsewhere which would be awful and my fault.

If you had doubts about your partners faithfullness but went ahead with sex anyway how did you make yourself just do it and did you live to regret it. Also did you use condoms (assuming you would not usually use them how did you introduce them?)

trudy · 10-07-2011, 02:24 AM

Is this a taboo subject or am I the obly one who has issues with this?

Pl post.

trudy · 10-09-2011, 06:17 PM

thanks balexander

I guess I will just have to go ahead and put the thought of STDs etc out of mind, coz if he is faithful i don't want to lose him.

PBear · 10-09-2011, 08:33 PM

You could try posting in the infidelity forum as well. You might get more information from people who have been there.

What have you been doing to try to resolve things, one way or the other? And something to consider is even using protection still won't be perfect. Things like hepatitis and herpes can be transmitted by saliva and skin to skin contact.

C
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ku1980rose · 10-09-2011, 08:38 PM

It would be bad if you were withholding sex and he wasn't even having and affair. However, STD's are a HUGE deal and I'd hate to see you end up with an STD because he was cheating and you were trying to keep things going between you. That is a dilemma. I hope everything works out for you. I hope he is not cheating and that you can find a way to get past that.

michzz · 10-09-2011, 09:50 PM

I would want to call out the potential risk to my health if I were you.

Insist on a test at a local clinic. For both of you.

If he refuses it is confirmation of what you suspect.

Don't have sex until you are cleared.
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Maia · 10-09-2011, 10:15 PM

Just try to avoid him as much as possible until you're sure he's not cheating.

trudy · 10-12-2011, 07:01 PM

Thanks PBear for the info regarding STDs which can be contracted from skin, saliva. He gets real sweaty during the act so this is a worry.

Michzz - I think getting myself tested would be a good idea at this point but not sure how I would go about having him get tested too. I'm thinking he will find it strange if out of the blue I want him to get tested.

God forbid, but if I did have something he is the only person I could have got it from and I will have my answer.