I can't get an erection with a condom on. Sex hurts
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 12-13-2008, 12:48 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default I can't get an erection with a condom on. Sex hurts

I was excited on losing my virginity last night, but it never happened! I was hard and ready to go, and then when I put the condom on, I went totally limp! I left the condom on and continued playing with her, but I just could not get a full erection! I left the night feeling so frustrated and embarrassed.

Also when I did get the momentary erection, I tried to stick it inside her but I felt too sensitive down there and it hurt that I had to pull back. I still didn't manage to get inside her.

Any tips? We are trying again tonight, but I am feeling too self conscious and am thinking of canceling tonight on her until I can find a way to keep it up and not be too sensitive down there.
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Old 12-13-2008, 01:28 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: I can't get an erection with a condom on. Sex hurts

After having 3 kids 13 years ago, I became King of the Condom. Nobody likes them, but to me, they were like good friends. We were not keen on the pill or any other method. We only stopped using them a few month ago.

The best thing you can do is play with one solo. Get used to them. Put one on, and have fun. In the end you will get excited at just the thought of one.

Any man who loses his erection, needs to cut down ejaculations for a while until normal service is resumed. If you are cuming 5 times a week, cut down to 3. Also, do kegel exercises.

When I was younger, I used to jerk myself silly. I only wish I had known what I know now. All that loss of zinc.
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Old 12-13-2008, 06:53 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: I can't get an erection with a condom on. Sex hurts

cheewagacheewaga ... DO NOT RUSH THINGS ... as Mark said play with things on your own time ... get some practice in and when the time is right it will happen. There is something called KY LUBERCATION GEL and it is great. Try putting that on your condom and gradually work with things on your on & I am sure that in time ... you will be able to keep things up ... just take your time ... do rush things ... treat her like a lady ... give her special love ... and once the time is right & you will have that special " rising " and it will be worth the wait !!!
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Old 12-13-2008, 11:22 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: I can't get an erection with a condom on. Sex hurts

I would suggest that you investgate other methods of birth control as an alternative.
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Old 12-14-2008, 02:40 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: I can't get an erection with a condom on. Sex hurts

Have you tried different types of condoms? Is there a chance you could be having a reaction to the material the condom is made of? There are allergies and sensitivities that can create issues with condom use. I can not use latex condoms as I have a latex sesitivity and any time I have tried I get dry, everything becomes inflammed and it is very painful. I also agree with Jessica, perhaps there is a different method or product that the two of you are more suited for. Whatever you decide remember to keep the lines of communication open with your SO.
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Old 12-14-2008, 05:41 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: I can't get an erection with a condom on. Sex hurts

Good news everyone! I finally lost my virginity at the age of 28 this morning! WOOHOO! The sex was not painful. I suspect it was painful last time because I was not aroused enough, and the condom was putting my foreskin in some awkward position.

The bad news. Sex only last for about 45 seconds. Not because I ejaculated, but because I went limp!!!! We went through about 6 condom packs over 20-hours and I could not sustain my erection! I was getting so frustrated and we were trying everything. She was giving me oral and stroking me, and the minute I put on the condom, I just go limp. I am seriously considering asking my doctor for Viagra.

I will check out other condom brands. We tried 2 Trojan brands with lubricants built in.
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Old 12-14-2008, 05:55 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: I can't get an erection with a condom on. Sex hurts

Keep thinking about where you are going and not the moment of stop.

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Old 12-14-2008, 07:19 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: I can't get an erection with a condom on. Sex hurts



That is good to hear ... Just idea here is maybe if you take her way from home ... and go some place special and then you can relax and if you do cum again ... and it might just stay up so just take your time ...
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Old 12-14-2008, 07:43 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: I can't get an erection with a condom on. Sex hurts

It's too early to pursue the V pill...you shouldn't need it (yet)!

I had problems with a previous GF and got the V,L,C pills. The problem, then, with my current GF is that I lasted TOO LONG. You're young, healthy. Just go for it, Chee.

As mentioned above, try another brand of condom. How well do you know your SO? Is she on BC? Do you need a condom? Is there a risk of an STD?
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Old 07-22-2009, 05:58 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: I can't get an erection with a condom on. Sex hurts

I had the same problem, I couldn't feel enough sensation through the condom, that's why it took me 45min my first time. GF had to go on birth control. But neither one of us had an STD. Try more foreplay beforehand. If it's nerves masturbate an hour or so before hand and go in with the mindset of stimulating just her but don't get to worked up, you might blow it. dcrim is right you shouldn't need V you are to young. Unless you have blood pressure issues it's most likely psychological. Try masturbating with a condom on by yourself, if you find sensation and can finish than you know it's your nerves. Sometimes a little alchohol works wonders to calm you down, just not to much.
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Old 05-10-2010, 09:19 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: I can't get an erection with a condom on. Sex hurts

Hey Mate. I had the same problem when i was like 14. I was loosing my virginity to my girlfriend and when i put on a condom i went completely soft. Sucks so much balls so she just gave me head so i didnt loose my virginity that night. A couple of months later with a girl i thought i was gonna loose my virginity with, it happened again with the condom so i said to myself **** condoms off. Next girl i said to her, take the pill n shes like why not wear a condom and i just said " its a really long story" and she laughed and said okay and i was sweet haha. lost the virginty then, smooth sailing without a condom. ****en condomphobia or something haha.
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Old 07-23-2012, 02:05 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: I can't get an erection with a condom on. Sex hurts

I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH CONDOMS I DO NOT LOSE MY ERECTION BUT I LOSE ALL FEELING DOWN THERE. I WAS USING ONE WILE GETTING A BJ AND I COULD NOT FEEL ANYTHING AND I COULD NOT FINISH. MY GF TRYED SO HARD TO MAKE ME FEEL GOOD BUT IN THE END I JUST FACKED IT I DID NOT WANT TO MAKE MY GF FEEL IT WAS HER FALT. EVERYTIME AFTER THAT I JUST CANT FINISH SO I HAVE BEEN JUST J-ING OFF WILE GIVING HER PLEASURE SO SHE DOES NOT SUFFER FROM THIS PROBLEM. SHE HAS SAID THAT IT IS OK TO NOT USE THEM BUT I KNOW SHE IS ONLY SAYING THAT TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER AND I LOVE HER FOR THAT BUT I WILL NOT DO IT. IS THERE ANY ADVICE YOU CAN GIVE ME.
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Old 07-30-2012, 08:33 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: I can't get an erection with a condom on. Sex hurts

I was in the same boat. I tried to use condoms when I was still in High School, but had no luck. I stayed with my first girlfriend for 15 years so we used other methods and I got spoiled going "bareback" and when I tried condoms with her, it took forever ot get them on, if I did get them on without going soft and got started, I'd lost all sensation, my penis looked white like it was drained of blood, and felt like it had fallen asleep. Later when I started to date I needed to figure out how to use condoms. There were 4 main things that helped me. Lube, shape/size, condom thickness, and ease of unrolling (base size).

If you have foreskin, you will almost certainly appreciate a condom that is flared ie larger at the end. You also want to find the thinnest ones you can. If you are using condoms that are too small, then unrolling them is REALLY difficult, and by the time you are done just getting the dang thing on you will be soft, and getting hard while wearing the penis straight jacket is really a challenge! Lastly, before you put them on, add some lube INSIDE the condom tip (this will help to allow your foreskin to move more naturally). I don't know your size, and I'm not asking you to disclose it, but if you are larger, condoms will suck even more...even if you are average, the base ring around many larger condoms is still the same size as the regular ones, so you could explore the larger size condoms for more breathing room too.

Without knowing those details, I'd just suggest that you try the Durex Love, or if you can find them, my absolute favorites are the Bravo Wicked Thins (they come in a Large and a regular size) Bravo Condoms - Wicked Thin Large

The Bravo's aren't flared, but the material is just so thin and flexible that they seem to work anyway. They smell great too, and despite being so thin and snug on me, they still unroll without extreme difficulty since the ring around the base is larger than any other condoms I know of.

The Durex LOVE is flared, and actually has more headroom than even the XXL branded flared condoms. They are fairly thin too so feel is pretty good with these - not like the Bravo's, but close enough to work, and without being as tight as the Bravos.

Trojan's are generally NOT very good condoms for uncircumcised, bigger, or less sensitive guys. I wouldn't buy Trojans unless I was at a store and that's all they had, and I needed some now. The only Trojan's I've used in recent years are the Magnum Thins and they have this horrible lube that stinks and is hard to wash off, and they are not very thin at all, and the latex is kind of crackly - they are easy to unroll compared to most others, and they are a bit flared so they aren't as tight on the head/foreskin. I've had "successful" sessions with these a few times, but generally find them to lack the sensitivity I need.
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