Laziness in the bedroom
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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Sex in Marriage » Laziness in the bedroom

Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 10-07-2011, 11:46 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Laziness in the bedroom

I've noticed lately the CanteYola has become...well...lazy in the bedroom.

It's become a bit stale, spoon position is really not doing it for me anymore and this seems to be his favored position.

I like variety, he prefers to stick to what works. He's one of the luckier men (or perhaps the luck is mine) I have no issues with penetrative orgasm.

How does one bring up that the lack of position change up is starting to be boring even though it produces "results" so to speak.
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Old 10-07-2011, 12:01 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Laziness in the bedroom

How about you get things going and make him do what you want. Be a little more aggressive and start things off on your terms.

Maybe he would take the hint if you stand there in front of him. Bend over and slowly pull your panties off, leave them on your ankles and wiggle your bum at him. I'd get the hint.
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Old 10-07-2011, 12:08 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Laziness in the bedroom

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Originally Posted by Wantsmore View Post
How about you get things going and make him do what you want. Be a little more aggressive and start things off on your terms.

Maybe he would take the hint if you stand there in front of him. Bend over and slowly pull your panties off, leave them on your ankles and wiggle your bum at him. I'd get the hint.
Or just slide over him and impale yourself on him from above, without asking if that's OK with him. Tell him that he can go back to the boring way after you're done.
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Old 10-07-2011, 12:12 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Laziness in the bedroom

Done these things. I'm very much the initiator in the bedroom (I'm an extremely sexual and sensual female. Heck I write erotica for a living too).

I'm just looking for a little more "Alpha" behavior from him rather than myself being the alpha for a change.
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Old 10-07-2011, 12:33 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Laziness in the bedroom

So, has he ever been an 'alpha' in your sexual relationship, or has it always been you being the more dominant?

Just wondering if he's more naturally submissive, or if he's intimidated by you and doesn't want to bother trying.
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Old 10-07-2011, 12:36 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Laziness in the bedroom

He has initiated before but his initiation is always the from behind spoon position, missionary (very rarely lately) and when he does I am subtle enough to move us unto a position I would prefer at times but lately it seems subtle is not enough.

It almost feels as if it has become a chore for him perhaps? Keep in mind we are 9 months post d-day to his EA\virtual PA and are in recovery.
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Old 10-07-2011, 12:39 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Laziness in the bedroom

Ah, okay. Do you think that he has any guilt over the EA?

Is the EA completely over - no contact anymore?

Spooning is a position where he doesn't have to see your face or make eye contact with you.

And, do you flirt with him -talking, touching - during the day? If so, is he responsive to that?
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Old 10-07-2011, 12:43 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Laziness in the bedroom

Oh he has guilt over the EA. Yes it was instant NC at d-day.

Interesting observation on the spooning position and no facial and eye contact...I never thought of that.

Do I flirt with him. Oh yeah, all the time. He's receptive however responsive ..not always.
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Old 10-07-2011, 12:55 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Laziness in the bedroom

Bear in mind that you are experiencing a temporary power shift in the marriage due to his infidelity and thus, his lack of alpha-ness may be an indication of following your lead more often as of late. I say get it out in the open and flat out tell him that you'd rather have some more variety in sexual positions.
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Old 10-07-2011, 01:48 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Laziness in the bedroom

I am having the same thing in reverse. My wife would lay there in missionary 100% of the time if I would allow it. Sometimes, I say screw it rip her pants to her ankles and do her where she stands.

The grin after lets me know she didn't mind. Maybe try something like that.
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