What are some of the first little unobtrusive steps or things I can suggest that may start the process?
Possibly something a little bit cheeky(not too overt or vulgar) or fun(and saving the more serious side when she can relax a bit more on the subject) might work in or out of the bedroom like a game or a survey we do together might work. Any suggestions or thoughts.
Well, I say take ownership of your sexual relationship with your wife.
Some suggestions - to start off slowly with:
1 Set the mood
If you always make love in the dark, then get some small scented candles and light your bedroom with them.
Set the mood. Honestly - come home one day with some new really nice soft sheets. Make the bed yourself. Tell her you want your love 'nest' to be as soft and comfortable for her as possible.
I've seen others on TAM recommend a "better/worse" type of massage or touching. You touch them say firmly, then lightly and ask which is better/worse. Move to all areas of the body. That way you can get to know what arouses them.
2 Use your voice
Use your tone of voice during sex. Sometimes my husband uses kind of a gruff, commanding voice - "Move your leg here", "Kneel there", "Come here". Other times (this is my favorite one) he uses kind of a hoarse guttural whisper. Can't help responding to someone who seems to be deep in the throes of passion - and it's all for YOU!
If you are usually both fairly quiet, then you start being a little less quiet. It doesn't have to be faked, porn star loud, but letting her hear your enjoyment can go a long way.
You can also put on some soft music during lovemaking if you or she may feel uncomfortable with others hearing.
3 Give her attention and affection.
Give her attention throughout the day. Start with conversation. Talk with each other. Listen to her. Laugh with her. Find a slightly ribald joke and tell her one each day. Do it with a quirky smile and raised eyebrows, and a wink. Infuse some lightness and humor in to the situation.
Give her non-sexual physical affection. Here's some examples:How to Meet the Need for Affection Letter #1
4 Move her.
During sex, if you don't verbalize what you would like her to do, then simply move her. My husband moves my hands, my legs, grabs my waist and moves my entire body. (Of course, I do the same with him, and she may get to that point if she starts to feel comfortable.)
5 Study up
And, if you need some help with some ideas, here are some books you may want to check out: Amazon.com: 101 Nights of Grrreat Romance: Secret Sealed Seductions for Fun-Loving Couples (9780962962820): Laura Corn: Books Amazon.com: 101 Nights of Grrreat Sex: Secret Sealed Seductions for Fun-Loving Couples (9780962962813): Laura Corn: Books Amazon.com: 52 Invitations To Grrreat Sex: It All Begins with a Lick (9780974259918): Laura Corn: Books Amazon.com: 52 Weeks Of Passionate Sex: Melanie Votaw: Books