my husband told me he is BI-CURIOUS, Please HELP
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 10-09-2011, 03:38 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default my husband told me he is BI-CURIOUS, Please HELP

hello, this is my first post, and I would really appreciate your inputs. I have been married to my husband for over 7 years and been together for 10 years, I am 31 years old and he is 33 and he's a very good looking man, we have 2 beautiful sons. however, we have been going through a rough time in our marriage, a lot of arguments, no sex ( maybe 2 times a month if I am lucky even I beg him to have sex with me), and this morning he told me that he believes he is Bi-curious at least, and he thinks of other men when he masturbates ( he said that he hates masturbating because he cannot help but thinking of other women and men). part of me is sad that it took him over 33 years to come out with his sexuality, and the other part of me feels cheated of all those years. he asked me to go to a gay bar with him, because he needs my moral support, he said that he doesn't want the leave the bar with another guy but just wants to explore and mingle,I think I want to go there to help him with his sexuality but at the same time I don't know what to do!!! I am very sexually open minded, but I also feel lost. any ideas?
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Old 10-09-2011, 03:51 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: my husband told me he is BI-CURIOUS, Please HELP

Ideas? You could put on a fake moustache, a strap on dildo, and dress up like a man. Make him take off his clothes and give him anal sex.
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Old 10-09-2011, 05:22 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: my husband told me he is BI-CURIOUS, Please HELP

This is a tough one.

Have you two sat down and talked it out?

Is he wanting to explore that other side of his sexuality - with you? Or with someone else? How does that make you feel?

Is he wanting to continue to maintain your marriage and your sexual relationship? What are his expectations of you and you of him?

Best wishes.
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Old 10-09-2011, 05:52 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: my husband told me he is BI-CURIOUS, Please HELP

We did talk about it, he wants to explore that other side of his sexuality but he says with baby steps only. He wants to continue our marriage and our sexual relationship, and I am open for his other side as long as I don't feel neglected BUT

I do feel neglected ( sexually), I have a high libido, and masturbating night after night is just boring and frustrating for me and I am not really OK with just having sex twice a month and he has a very good body, and to be honest I rather not share him with another guy, so should I just accept it? I don't want to loose him but then how can I compete with another guy as I am a woman?

Even though I told him that I would go to the gay bar with him, I am sure I will loose my cool if I see him flirting with another guy.
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Old 10-09-2011, 06:39 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: my husband told me he is BI-CURIOUS, Please HELP

No, you should not just accept it. It is a boundary for you. You need to be honest - with yourself and him.

To say he wants to do baby steps, means that in time he could be fully walking, then running. How does that make you feel?

Alas, I cannot tell you what you should do. Only you can determine that.

But do not be afraid of saying what is in your heart to him. Do not be silent.

"The cruelest lies are often told in silence." ~Adlai Stevenson

God Bless.
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Old 12-02-2011, 06:18 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: my husband told me he is BI-CURIOUS, Please HELP

how did this end?
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Old 12-02-2011, 08:01 PM   #7 (permalink)
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how did this end?
Oh we are in the process of getting divorced, i believe in honesty and now knowing that he knew about this even when we got married means he lied to me like every ****ing day,
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Old 12-02-2011, 08:32 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: my husband told me he is BI-CURIOUS, Please HELP

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Oh we are in the process of getting divorced, i believe in honesty and now knowing that he knew about this even when we got married means he lied to me like every ****ing day,
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I'm sorry to hear that, but you are doing the right thing for yourself, but also for the both of you. Lying isn't something I can deal with either, especially about something so fundamental to a relationship.
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Old 12-02-2011, 09:18 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: my husband told me he is BI-CURIOUS, Please HELP

My wife of ten years (together 16 years), decided that she was bi/lesbian. It's best that you find this out now, before you waste too much time and life chasing something that just doesn't fit.

I shouldn't say "decided". I had a gut feeling for many years that she was attracted to women but I ignored it to my detriment.

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Old 12-06-2011, 09:16 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: my husband told me he is BI-CURIOUS, Please HELP

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My wife of ten years (together 16 years), decided that she was bi/lesbian. It's best that you find this out now, before you waste too much time and life chasing something that just doesn't fit.

I shouldn't say "decided". I had a gut feeling for many years that she was attracted to women but I ignored it to my detriment.
I don't know if it makes sense but I feel relieved, do you feel that way too?
I mean after a while, all I was thinking was about why he was not interested in me at all, I did try everything from sexy lingerie to toys, but nothing would arouse him towards me, It really broke down my self esteem because I kept thinking that there is something wrong with me that I cannot get him excited to have sex with me, not knowing I was just the wrong gender to begin with. For that I don't think I will ever forgive him. Like you said, I kept on chasing something I could never have, on top of that, he had the guts to ask me to go to that gay bar/lounge with him.
did you decide to stay with your wife? if so, do you find it hard to work it out?
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Old 12-07-2011, 11:58 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: my husband told me he is BI-CURIOUS, Please HELP

Bi is fine.

But if he's never wanting sex with you, that doesn't sound 'bi'.
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Old 12-07-2011, 11:58 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: my husband told me he is BI-CURIOUS, Please HELP

PS: Have you asked how he plans to handle being 'bi' in a monogamous marriage?
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Old 12-07-2011, 12:44 PM   #13 (permalink)
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PS: Have you asked how he plans to handle being 'bi' in a monogamous marriage?
Actually, we are in the process of getting divorced as I have no intention of handling him being "bi" in a monogamous marriage. First he didn't disclose that fine print to me prior to our marriage so that is a huge lie. Also he doesn't want to have sex with me, at least not on a regular basis, that is besides the fact that he actually asked me to go to that gay bar/lounge with him as an emotional support. so I am pretty sure he is not BI but just Gay , plus he told me he cannot stop thinking about some random guys giving him head while he is just standing at the supermarket checkout line while he would try to find every excuse to avoid receiving oral from me. which married man would refuse to get oral from their wives? of course I do blame myself for ignoring the signs because there have been signs.
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Old 12-07-2011, 01:03 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: my husband told me he is BI-CURIOUS, Please HELP

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Actually, we are in the process of getting divorced as I have no intention of handling him being "bi" in a monogamous marriage. First he didn't disclose that fine print to me prior to our marriage so that is a huge lie. Also he doesn't want to have sex with me, at least not on a regular basis, that is besides the fact that he actually asked me to go to that gay bar/lounge with him as an emotional support. so I am pretty sure he is not BI but just Gay , plus he told me he cannot stop thinking about some random guys giving him head while he is just standing at the supermarket checkout line while he would try to find every excuse to avoid receiving oral from me. which married man would refuse to get oral from their wives? of course I do blame myself for ignoring the signs because there have been signs.
Sorry...

Tend to agree - I don't think that's Bi.

Sounds like divorce is the right way to go.
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Old 01-29-2012, 11:49 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: my husband told me he is BI-CURIOUS, Please HELP

Here you can buy a wonderfull strapon

Good Luck
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