Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
What a frustrating situation i found myself in night before last..
W had been sick for the past 2 weeks and on monthly week before so no sex for 3 weeks. This weekend we were camping and she says "if we were home you'd be getting it tonight".. im like ohh man that sucks (kids sleeping in camper, not a good place to fool around). So next day we're back home and in my mind this was like THE night so she comes in bed undressed and lays there, she likes to have her back rubbed ect at first so I do that and start rubbing her back. I do that for like almost an hour and she still doesn't move,,, im starting to wonder!
So I start kissing her back and neck hoping to get her to reciprocate... nothing so I assume she still wants me to rub her back so I continue...
After another while she gets like annoyed and says "we may as well just do it because im not getting in the mood"... so i'm at that point quite frustrated but im not showing it since I would kindof like to have sex since it's been that long... but I told her that we could wait if she didnt feel it.
Then she turns around and suddenly exposes herself so I can go in... but guess what, I'm not up yet! But really did she expect me to have an erection for an hour and a half while she was getting in the mood. She then gets annoyed with that saying I didn't really want her if I wasn't hard... eventually it gets up and I start to try and go in her but by then she's closed up her legs and im just going at her behind area waiting... she never opens her legs until im almost ready to finish... so I get inside for a few seconds and im done.
within seconds she gets up slams the bedroom and bathroom doors ect... I almost felt like I was raping her at the end which is why I didn't persist to get inside of her so I had come to terms with finishing oustide.
So that's the story, she gives me cold sholder all night. When I say "I love you" before going to sleep she says "im not so sure", so I asked her a few times why she said that and she comes up with "I don't know", so I say "well if you don't know, don't say it!", that was it for that night.
Next day acts as though I did something wrong. When I persist for knowing why she said "well you wouldn't even go inside of me"... arggg anyway I told her she didn't make sense and I felt likle I was raping her given the hard time I was having. I told her the next time she's not feeling it I would rather not do it at all and that I will stop if she acts like that again.
so fast forward to last night and we watched a movie together, and afterwards I found she was getting kind of cuddly and started to kiss her... she reciprocated right back and started kissing me one thing led to another and we had a great time of intimacy. She was actively participating which made me ready for her when she was...
This morning she said well that was better than last time... I told her yes and that I enjoyed that she was participating rather than just laying there and that's why I was ready for her.. hopefully she gets the point for next time...
I wanted to share this as it kind of follows a prev thread in the main section, although it turned out ok the next day I would like to know what some of you would do in this situation..
I told her the next time she's not feeling it I would rather not do it at all and that I will stop if she acts like that again.
Yah, this would be best in that situation.
I don't know your story, strat_guy, but it appears that there are some relationship issues going on with you and your wife that need to be addressed? Those kinds of things have a way of creeping into the bedroom.
so fast forward to last night and we watched a movie together, and afterwards I found she was getting kind of cuddly and started to kiss her... she reciprocated right back and started kissing me one thing led to another and we had a great time of intimacy. She was actively participating which made me ready for her when she was...
This morning she said well that was better than last time... I told her yes and that I enjoyed that she was participating rather than just laying there and that's why I was ready for her.. hopefully she gets the point for next time...
I wanted to share this as it kind of follows a prev thread in the main section, although it turned out ok the next day I would like to know what some of you would do in this situation..
I like that you didn't let her get
away with turning it all on you. Posted via Mobile Device
I like that you didn't let her get
away with turning it all on you. Posted via Mobile Device
I knew she would try it and knew I had done nothing to deserve that kind of a reaction so I wanted to make sure she knew how I felt about it... thanks for the thumbs up!
so fast forward to last night and we watched a movie together, and afterwards I found she was getting kind of cuddly and started to kiss her... she reciprocated right back and started kissing me one thing led to another and we had a great time of intimacy. She was actively participating which made me ready for her when she was...
This morning she said well that was better than last time... I told her yes and that I enjoyed that she was participating rather than just laying there and that's why I was ready for her.. hopefully she gets the point for next time...
I wanted to share this as it kind of follows a prev thread in the main section, although it turned out ok the next day I would like to know what some of you would do in this situation..
I posted my previous reply before I saw this second post of yours - and sorry, I admit that I haven't followed your other thread. I will have to go look it up.
Well, in the first case, maybe you could tell she wasn't real responsive that night - an hour of massage with no reciprocation. Yah, time to hang up your shoes - it wasn't likely to happen.
Ask yourself what were the differences between those two nights? On the first night when she wasn't as responsive, had you two done anything to connect with each prior to getting in to bed like you did on the second night?
The second night you watched a movie together, sitting together and cuddling. It may have met her needs for your attention - some conversation and affection - and maybe she was feeling a bit better physically too.
For a lot of women, the prelude and the ramp-up to sex is an entire event, not just an act. So, whether dudes want to believe it or not - what you do in the hours before sex can often make a big difference as to whether your wife will be ready for it or not. That's because for us women it can be more about how we feel emotionally, and it can be difficult to just flip a switch. You've got to learn to work the system - work her up emotionally with affection and talking and see how it goes.
I posted my previous reply before I saw this second post of yours.
Well, in the first case, maybe you could tell she wasn't real responsive that night - an hour of massage with no reciprocation. Yah, time to hang up your shoes - it wasn't likely to happen.
Ask yourself what were the differences between those two nights? On the first night when she wasn't as responsive, had you two done anything to connect with each prior to getting in to bed like you did on the second night?
The second night you watched a movie together, sitting together and cuddling. It may have met her needs for your attention - maybe some conversation and affection - and maybe she was feeling a bit better physically too.
Best wishes.
Its true though we had more time to relax together so that could have made a diff and her feeling better may also have played a part. In my mind the reason I didn't stop was because i didn't want her to feel like I didn't desrire her because I really did but it just makes it hard when there is no reciprocation during the pre activities...
Thanks... yes camper is a great place but only if you don't have your kids with you that's a little too close for comfort.. depending on the layout but this one is too close
Thanks... yes camper is a great place but only if you don't have your kids with you that's a little too close for comfort.. depending on the layout but this one is too close
When my wife crawls into bed naked and turns her back to me, sometimes the same thing happens. She just lays there. But if she is naked, I know what she expects.
Typically what I find works is to tease her. I rub her back for a while (maybe 10 minutes or so). After a bit, I might have my hand move around in front on her tummy and grace the underside of her breasts. I rub lower down her back to her bottom. Then her thighs, then every once in a while, I let my had grace her vajayjay.
Just rubbing her back, doesn't get her into it, but teasingly touching her will usually get her to participate.
When my wife crawls into bed naked and turns her back to me, sometimes the same thing happens. She just lays there. But if she is naked, I know what she expects.
Typically what I find works is to tease her. I rub her back for a while (maybe 10 minutes or so). After a bit, I might have my hand move around in front on her tummy and grace the underside of her breasts. I rub lower down her back to her bottom. Then her thighs, then every once in a while, I let my had grace her vajayjay.
Just rubbing her back, doesn't get her into it, but teasingly touching her will usually get her to participate.
that makes sense... I sometimes think of that and then don't want to make it look like I want to get it done and over with... I guess a good balance of both worlds is what I should aim for in this situation.
that makes sense... I sometimes think of that and then don't want to make it look like I want to get it done and over with... I guess a good balance of both worlds is what I should aim for in this situation.
If she isn't naked, then you probably shouldn't start groping her unless she has given some indication of interest. But I say crawling into bed naked is a green light to rock her world.
so she comes in bed undressed and lays there, she likes to have her back rubbed ect at first so I do that and start rubbing her back. I do that for like almost an hour and she still doesn't move
Ok, first, stop giving one-hour back rubs. That's submissive and NOT sexy. Do it long enough to show her you're taking care of her and then move on to other things.
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So I start kissing her back and neck hoping to get her to reciprocate... nothing so I assume she still wants me to rub her back so I continue...
Huh? Why would you assume that? You need to be taking charge. You are being too female, too puppy dog in this, ok?
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After another while she gets like annoyed and says "we may as well just do it because im not getting in the mood"
Because you've been doing it WAY too long! Instead of apologizing, you should have said Great! and started moving in for the kill.
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I told her that we could wait if she didnt feel it.
Stop doing that!
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She then gets annoyed with that saying I didn't really want her if I wasn't hard...
She has lost all respect for you because you are a Nice Guy. You disgust her now. She wants a man who will take her breath away, not take no for an answer, not give her back rubs to kiss up to her, and certainly not wait 1 or 2 hours to get to do it! You disgust her so much now that she has taken to verbally abusing you. Are you gonna take that?
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When I say "I love you" before going to sleep she says "im not so sure", so I asked her a few times why she said that and she comes up with "I don't know", so I say "well if you don't know, don't say it!", that was it for that night.
Oh, wow, you showed her! Come on, strat. You know you can't keep doing this. If she insults you, stop whining and just tell her you've had enough insults.
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I will stop if she acts like that again.
Well, that's a LITTLE bit of standing up to her. Not much. You have a lot to learn.
Gone sour... ***sorry if this is TMI*** 
so she comes in bed undressed and lays there, she likes to have her back rubbed ect at first so I do that and start rubbing her back. I do that for like almost an hour and she still doesn't move,,, im starting to wonder!
