Talk About Marriage banner
Status
Not open for further replies.

BJ questions for those in a LTR 15+ yrs.

26K views 116 replies 51 participants last post by  SeattleWill 
#1 ·
Do you still get or give stand alone bj's?
(For the ladies) if you did give them and then eventually stop, why?
(For guys) how long into the relationship did they stop?

Just so I don't get attacked here, I give my wife oral whenever possible (stand alone) but stand alone bj's are about as common as a honest politician.
What say you?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
#2 ·
All the time - several per week. 30+ years together.

But only because I changed the dynamic in my relationship. Great marriage and all... but over time we had less intimacy and I allowed it... accepted her fatigue, etc. All the reasons were very common and very valid, but that doesn't mean my needs were being met.

I joined TAM to have a better marriage - to figure out how to fall in love again - recapture the passionate love which had waned a bit and had been replaced by LTR love. We were still each other's best friend, confidant, etc.

But then I read His Needs Her Needs after reading about it for the millionth time by the HNHN pushers here ;) and I realized a couple of things: it's ok to have needs, and it's OK to be forceful about getting your needs met (and of course soliciting your partners needs and fulfilling them).

I found it really helpful to read that having a sexy, attractive wife was such a common need. And sex was #1. So I worked with my W to help her see these weren't just crass or unimportant things. They are as important as having a H who is a financial provider and an emotionally available and supportive partner.

Sorry for the long indirect answer, but you should know that it's ok to make this your #1 need if it actually is. And consider HNHN as a way to convey it to your W.

Btw I was lucky because this is her favorite sex act. She has finally let me go down on her a few times and is finally opening up that way too.
 
#100 ·
You know its funny. I come back here to ask how to get my wife wanting to do things like this and I get bashed about watching too much porn. Not loving and accepting she doesn't want or like those things. Making me feel like I am bad husband for making her do things she isn't comfortable with. A standalone BJ? What's that? It took her nearly 15 years of being married to start doing them for foreplay. Never, ever received one just because.

20 years of going down on her and I finally got my first one (more like lick, lick stroke stroke Ok lets do it). Now 9 years after that first one I am lucky if it happens once every other month. Even now it doesn't last more than 2 mins and she quits. Meanwhile has no problem having me go down for as long as she can take. And when you have your wife's hands wrapped around your head not letting you go it can be a while.
 
#3 ·
Well, I rarely offer a stand alone BJ. Long story shortened considerably, resentment.

If your wife used to offer them and has stopped, she's not feeling very loving toward you. That's really the bottom line.

Why doesn't your wife feel very loving toward you?
 
#7 ·
Well, I rarely offer a stand alone BJ. Long story shortened considerably, resentment.



If your wife used to offer them and has stopped, she's not feeling very loving toward you. That's really the bottom line.



Why doesn't your wife feel very loving toward you?


Actually my wife is very loving toward me. There are a lot of foreplay bj's and oral for her, it's just the stand alone ones are quickly fading from memory.
Sex wise we are anywhere from 2-6x/wk multiple position anal etc.

What I find funny is she says she hates shopping and loves giving head but I rarely get them and she comes home almost everyday with bags of things from various places. Go figure.
 
#5 ·
Honestly, I've never really offered any of my partners regular stand alone bjs.

I do offer them to H...but they're only once every few months or so. My reasons are physical discomfort. I'd probably do it more often but it takes him longer to orgasm than my face can handle. Lots of foreplay bjs but not many stand alones. It is what it is.
 
#6 ·
Still lots of oral after 16 years. Wife has insomnia, and wakes up about 2am most nights and has to take medication to get more sleep. Lately, she's woken me with BJs to completion - which occasionally turns into other things if she's in the mood. So, 10 BJs in the past 14 nights - and even before this new treat, they were common at other times.
 
#20 ·
My goodness! I do believe that if I could have gotten oral attention like that, I would have been literally force-feeding No-Doz to my old lady!
Posted via Mobile Device
 
#8 ·
Married 27 years and yes we each do stand alone oral to each other. My husband has ED so he isn't always able to perform for PIV so oral sex is the next best thing. He came home from work for lunch last week and we were sitting on the couch and I decided to unzip his pants and give him a BJ. He can't do it to completion because he doesn't get hard but he enjoyed it anyway:)

What does your wife say when you have asked her to give you a BJ? I don't think your situation is that unusual, I notice a lot of posts here where men complain they don't get BJ's from their wife but do give their wife oral. Not very fair IMHO.
 
#9 ·
Married 27 years and yes we each do stand alone oral to each other. My husband has ED so he isn't always able to perform for PIV so oral sex is the next best thing. He came home from work for lunch last week and we were sitting on the couch and I decided to unzip his pants and give him a BJ. He can't do it to completion because he doesn't get hard but he enjoyed it anyway:)



What does your wife say when you have asked her to give you a BJ? I don't think your situation is that unusual, I notice a lot of posts here where men complain they don't get BJ's from their wife but do give their wife oral. Not very fair IMHO.

I won't ask for a bj anymore. If she doesn't want to do it of her own accord, that tells me all I need to know.
 
#10 ·
I could count the stand alone BJ's on one hand and I've been married 22 years now.

But that is very much my choice. I love giving my wife pleasure WAYYYY too much to ever have a stand alone BJ. Pretty much every time I've ever gotten a BJ, it is proceeded and / or followed by me going down on her and PIV will follow too. I don't get the appeal of a stand alone BJ; why wouldn't I want to not give her any fun?

When we've been time pressed I've given her a stand alone oral orgasm, but I'll only do that when I know I'll be able to follow up with my own fun within a few hours.
 
#14 ·
Do you still get or give stand alone bj's?
(For the ladies) if you did give them and then eventually stop, why?
(For guys) how long into the relationship did they stop?
For some reason my wife does not mind giving BJs, so I can get one anytime I ask. I don't like them though because I somehow end up having to take my wife shopping just afterwards for stuff she wants done to the landscaping.

Badsanta
 
#21 ·
I was on the same mission a couple of years ago after 25 years and a wife who said that she would never do them. Then I read a book that said this happens all the time, but those same women, if they engage in an affair, would suck their AP dry. It was a wakeup call that perhaps she was not in to me enough.

I read MMSLP, NMMNG, WAH, and others. I got into peak physical shape, took her on exciting dates, became more alpha in the bedroom and outside, and kept a confident frame. Anyhow, I took it in stages, with great success. I got these oral strips to mask the taste, but she doesn't even use those any more for the most part.

Now I get several per week. This after just two years ago her saying that it will never happen! Women...
 
#26 ·
Not really sure what you mean. During foreplay, a bj is almost a given. Stand alone bj's are all but extinct.
I will not ask (actions, not words) her why they stopped. I give her stand alone oral in a ratio of at least 60:1
Maybe I better cut back a little.
 
#29 ·
I still get BJs frequently and always have (been in relationship for approx 19yrs and married approx 14yrs). Most times it is part of foreplay (so not to completion which honestly that is how I would prefer it). Quite honestly, as long as my W is capable of having sex (i.e not on her period) I much rather have all kinds of fun with that then just get a standalone BJ.
 
#30 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by thenub View Post
I wouldn't say I'm focusing a lot of energy in stand alone bj's. We've been together for over 30 years. In the first 15-20yrs, stand alone bj's were quite common. Now? I would have a better chance of finding a dandelion at the North Pole.
I'm just curious as to why they stopped.
OMG I replied again, I'll delete this, but not without leaving you awkward notifications that I have quoted you and then deleted my messages!
 
#44 ·
Good evening
My wife used to give me one for my birthday (always followed by me giving her an O somehow) , but a while ago told me that she thought they were disgusting and somewhat abusive.

I give her oral whenever she wants and am happy to do so. She never wants stand alone oral, and very rarely wants me to give her an O that way.
 
#50 ·
So you mentioned you give her oral 60:1 ratio? Like you give her oral and get nothing in return at all...no sex, no oral, no anal...nada...

(where the hell are all of these men that do standalone oral on women? wth?)

You also mentioned that she gives a BJ every time you have sex.

You also mentioned that you guys are pretty frequent with sex 2-6 times a week.

You also mentioned that you guys do anal.

I'm not saying you shouldn't want standalone Bj's, but it doesn't seem like your sex life is suffering here.

A big thing I notice here a lot is that if someone (man or woman) is getting a list of stuff sexually, but they aren't getting ONE thing - they focus so much on that one thing that it starts to erode the rest of the relationship a little.

You refuse to talk to your W so this whole conversation is mute because all we can do is assume a million different reasons.

* Maybe she picks up on the fact that you are complaining about BJs even though she does everything else for you sexually. Which can be super annoying by the way. Not a turn on to complain about something when you're already getting a lot. She is making an effort to please you in other ways.
*Maybe over time, she hasn't enjoyed the taste.
*Maybe she thinks you smell? - sorry, but sometimes it does happen, even to the best/cleanest of people.
*Maybe she is mad at you??
*Maybe she thinks it's too much work and it hurts her now because she's aged?

The point is....WE don't know anything. YOU have to ask HER. That's the only way you'll know.
 
#62 ·
I'm the opposite of the normal story.. started out on the inhibited side.. didn't give BJs -he never asked or seemed to care.... I was never one to orgasm from Oral sex (PIV was what I wanted)... so I never cared about him going down there.. he kept trying but I had hang ups with that.. ..

And , sorry to say.. hang ups with doing him too. ..

Then after all the kids, I had a sex drive increase ... and wham !! that was the end of that !! Then I was wanting to give him more BJ's than he could handle..couldn't keep the mouth away... but I still wanted mine... so this was mainly to get him started...so most weren't stand alone.. but pretty much any day he's up for it.. and I'm out for the count (2 days a month generally)... I WANT TO GO THERE, stand alone & initiated by me.. I love pleasing him...and could kick myself for not being this way for all those years prior.. I feel I missed out... we both missed out..

So yeah.. I've gotten better with age.. I've never had any resentment towards my husband.. he did have some towards me years ago, however... when he wanted more sex and I seemed off in la la land trying to conceive.. then one baby after another after another....

I've learned my lesson. (We've been together for 34 yrs.. 26 married)
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
You have insufficient privileges to reply here.
Top