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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Sex in Marriage » Husband wants me to sleep with a stranger. Please help!

Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 10-15-2011, 06:22 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband wants me to sleep with a stranger. Please help!

This is a common obsession with men.
However, once it happens, it can freak them out.
Do not give in to his obsessions. Try to better communicate with him.
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Old 10-22-2011, 08:11 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband wants me to sleep with a stranger. Please help!

Heed the overall advise from this forum... Don't do it, it will ruin your relationship. Figure out why he's so obsessed over the idea, because his obsession, if not dealt with, could also ruin your relationship. Any dude that wants to share his wife has serious issues... just sayin...
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Old 10-22-2011, 11:09 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband wants me to sleep with a stranger. Please help!

gg,

Ask him if he wants to swap wives. I would love to have a wife like you who takes pride in herself and is faithful. He would like my stbxw a lot. He wouldn't even have to coerce her.

If not I have a type of Pavlovian therapy that might work. Every time he asks you to sleep with another man just kick him right in the balls. Eventually he will start to associate asking you to sleep with a stranger with getting kicked in the balls. Ultimately he will get to the point that when he even thinks about you with another man he will drop down and grab his groin and quit thinking about it. If he learns that trick you can teach him to salivate when you ring a bell.

Last edited by Mike188; 10-23-2011 at 12:12 AM.
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Old 10-23-2011, 01:24 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband wants me to sleep with a stranger. Please help!

Tell him his idea is disgusting and to keep his opinion to himself. I had an ex that told me something along those lines - I was horrified. It really made me lose respect for him big time. I couldn't look at him without remembering his gruesome proposition. I never could look at him the same after he brought up his idea. Gross.

I didn't really say much to him except "no way in the fiery pits of hell will this happen". I can understand that everyone has different "tastes" etc. I can put up with some gross things coming up now and then But he kept bringing it up every time we were in the sack. Total mood killer every time. One day in bed he brought it up one time too many (if you know what I mean) and I flat out told him "That is a disgusting, vile thing to talk about. Keep it to yourself, go jerk off over it until your heart's content. But I NEVER want to hear about it again in my house". And he never brought it up again. Thank the lord! We were together for a few years after that (during which time he never uttered a word about it, thank god) until I had to get rid of him for other reasons. But yeah I never could look at him the same after he told me about that BS fantasy of his. It's like the moment he opened his mouth and those words came out, was the moment that all my respect for him instantly evaporated.

So yeah. Just something to think about next time you want to tell your partner a gruesome thing. The only advice I would give here is choose your words extremely carefully. Select words that sort of soften the impact...so instead of wanting to projectile vomit in your face, she might only experience a moderate nausea.
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Old 10-23-2011, 05:39 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband wants me to sleep with a stranger. Please help!

Ok, well here goes... From the responses so far I will probably get quite the unpopular reaction. About 6 years ago my husband shared a similar fantasy with me. After processing it and prodding him to make sure he was serious and that he would not be jealous I decided to act on it. I had been a virgin on our wedding night and had been faithful to him for 14 years. I was curious. We tried it and we have again on a number of occasions. I understand why people caution against it. It is not for everyone, or even most. But for us it brought us closer together. He gave me freedom to enjoy out of love and I was humbled by it. I have learned much about myself and him through the process. It has been fun but most importantlly we have experienced much more intimacy by being able totally open an honest with each other. I told him he could do the same with another woman but he has chosen not to as he had a few experiences before we were married. And no he is not bi-sexual he has no interest in guys. For us it was simply about him giving me something and allowing me to enjoy and be free. Like I said, I'm sure many will disagree but I thought you might want to hear from someone who has had a positive experience.
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Old 10-23-2011, 06:10 AM   #21 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband wants me to sleep with a stranger. Please help!

I agree that this is a very common fantasy and doesn't mean there is anything wrong with him IF he respects your limits (which he is pushing in his insistence).

Don't do what you are uncomfortable with doing. However, if you are open to it you can introduce these themes into your sex. For example, during sex you can suck on a toy or while giving him oral you can toy yourself and act like it's another guy. You can also tell him about times you had sex with other guys while having sex with him or about some fantasies that you have with others. I don't know the nature of your relationship today but you can also try some playful flirting with other guys in front of your husband. As long as you both enjoy then I don't see the harm.
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Old 10-23-2011, 08:25 AM   #22 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband wants me to sleep with a stranger. Please help!

I'm a guy. I can't imagine anything that would hurt me more than to see my wife with another guy.
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Old 10-23-2011, 08:46 AM   #23 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband wants me to sleep with a stranger. Please help!

It's called "cuckolding". The wife sleeps with other men right in front of the husband. Sometimes they even engage in degrading and humiliating the husband.
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Old 10-23-2011, 08:47 AM   #24 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by unbelievable View Post
I'm a guy. I can't imagine anything that would hurt me more than to see my wife with another guy.
100% agree
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Old 10-23-2011, 08:54 AM   #25 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband wants me to sleep with a stranger. Please help!

Don't do it. Only people who both have interest in that can pull that off provided they have a rock solid relationship. I have been married 16 years. A lot of things during the marriage were great for a number of years. Sex frequency was not one of them. My drive was so high and I was so frustrated I talked about fantasies a lot. Never realizing she felt I was pushing her to really do it. I didn't know how she felt till after she organized a particular one. Then she held it against me for the rest of our marriage. It became her excuse for all of her behavior and things in the marriage I disliked. That happened about 8 years ago.

It didn't kill our marriage but played a part in it. I carried her divorce papers last friday. I finally found her secret email she communicated with her boyfriend on. She has had an affair for the last year or more. I would try to work it out but she will not stop seeing him. She is the love of my life and I will always love her. But I will never ever share my fantasies with another person as long as I live. For me talking about the fantasy with her was good enough. She thought different. Maybe you should have him read my post. Even though she acted like she wanted to do it the whole time it turns out she just wanted to make me happy. It didn't take doing it to make me happy. But sharing my darkest secrets with the love of my life does. Hope this helps.
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Old 10-23-2011, 10:24 AM   #26 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband wants me to sleep with a stranger. Please help!

Quote:
Originally Posted by unbelievable View Post
I'm a guy. I can't imagine anything that would hurt me more than to see my wife with another guy.
i will have to agree 100 % , it would kill me for my wife to be with another man. i would be ready for the nut house or worse. it kills me she had other guys before we married , to be with another guy now would push me over the edge.
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