Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
The way I look at it, a couples sexual relationship is theirs and theirs alone. If one partner has a problem with the other masturbating, they need to address the issue, just like any other. Just because it has to do with sex doesn't mean we shouldn't talk about it.
People masturbate. It's normal. Expecting your partner to never masturbate isn't realistic. If you want to do it together that's fine, if you want to do it in private that should be fine too. Sometimes I am horny and he isn't here, or maybe I didn't 'finish' or whatever. He's fine with me taking care of myself. And I am fine with him taking care of himself too, if he feels the urge and I'm not around. It would only be a problem if he was turning me down for the palmer twins on a regular basis.
It took me 47 years to get to this point though. I was brought up in a strict religious household which left me with a few hangups.
Sometimes a partner just isn't in the mood when the other is or one is away, etc. I don't mind if W takes care of herself as long as I don't get neglected. I have a much higher drive than she does, so I take care of it when needed.
To be honest I don't even know if he indulges himself. But I do. So if he does then that's totally fine. No need for me to be a hypocrite about it. I do probably because we don't have sex a lot and the big O is extremely rare when we do and like any other woman, I like to feel it so at times I just take care if it myself when I'm alone. No biggie.
just because something your partner does causes YOU to have negative feelings shouldnt automatically indicate your partner needs to change anything. Sometimes it means YOU need to adjust. It is absolutely ridiculous to think you can control someones relationship with their own body. GTFOH with that. Presented with that issue, I would laugh at my husband and think he was joking.
I pet the kitty and he jerks the monkey together and separately
My husband claims that he has no need to masturbate, because he was lucky enough to find a wife with a high sex drive.
I have never caught him masturbating, but if I did, I would just join in.
My husband doesn't mind that I enjoy it...at one point a few years ago, he hid my "neck massager" because I was using it so often that I stopped having orgasms during sex. My husband was understandably jealous and upset.
His "solo" activity doesn't bother me ONE bit. And, he doesn't mind when I do it either.
He especially likes it when I text him a photo of me doing it. Pretty much guarantees he'll be bringing home the "wood" after work! I like him thinking about me like that.
First off, wow! your husband's a lucky man.
To the OP: I bought my wife a toy to take care of herself and tonight, she just told me to take care of myself. She gets bored when I'm not home and my drive triples hers. Without some manual stimulation, we'd be much crankier people.
But, each situation is different and you have to find what works for you. If my W wanted me to save everything for her and we had a good schedule, I'd do it in a heartbeat.
My husband has no desire to masterbate on his own, even when he was not getting it enough, he waited for me, he was frustrated & wanted it but still waited. He just felt it was my place-he even felt it was a little like cheating (His words NOT mine). Of coarse I would not have been upset, and frankly, I was a bit SHOCKED he never did -when we had this conversation 3 yrs ago -about so many sexual things we never talked about for 19 yrs of our marraige.
...And he was SHOCKED that I did ! So we pathetically missed each other. I asked him if he would find it a "turn on" to watch me masterbate, he said "oh yeah". Neither one of us has ever done this in front of each other, we prefer to be hands on the other.
I always preferred him over solo (many of those nights I wanted to wake him up but I worried I would be bothering him)...he tells me later.... "That is important, that would be like waking me up to tell me the house was on fire !"
I take care of myself everyday. Mostly in the morning. My wife doesn't mind it at all. Actually, she goes to work before me and while she's getting ready, coffee, etc., she'll walk in on me and I'll say that I'm taking care of business ad she'll leave me alone for a bit. I'm sure she'd rather me do that then make her late for work and just use her to get my morning wood taken care of. I know that sounds weird but we do have a lot of sex. I just need it way more than her. I could jerk off in the morning and give her great sex in the evening. On the other hand, she never pleasures herself. She says she doesn't need to when she has me.
My wife doesn't mind what I do by myself, she seems to find it cute or amusing! However, I have had to curtail my masturbation habits because on occasion it causes me to lose some vitality for sexy time.
Sometimes it's very frustrating because I cant' always predict when we're going to have sex. Once my wife tried to surprise me early in the morning, but I wasn't up to the task because I had taken care of myself going to sleep after it was clear she wasn't interested.
Wife doesn't masturbate or says she doesn't. It must be all about the connection for her, than for actual physical release. But I sure wish she would because it would be really hot to know she is touching herself and thinking about me.
It's his body. I don't mind as long as intimacy between us isn't affected. I've told him if he just wants to be taken care of quickly, we don't need to be fully intimate. He doesn't masturbate much but since I expressed this (and I didn't realize I needed to express it as I kind of thought it was a given), he has been saving potential solo activity for me. He also knows I love seeing him masturbate so he might call me to the shower and give me a show. I love that.
He only travels for business a couple of times a year but when he's away, I'll tell him if I've been using my toy and watching porn. Or if I have a random session during the day when he's out. It's my way of sharing it with him and teasing him with the mental image but it isn't something I do often. I'd rather us be together.
After every shower my wife asks me if I masturbated. I'm always truthful. About 1 out of every three showers I do try to masturbate, but my success rate is poor. I get hard, get close, then loose my erection. It takes a very naughty fantasy and quite a bit of time to get me over the edge. I usually don't have the time and or don't want to use such a fantasy.