It seems to be a common thread among many here that they have a LD spouse and in many cases may have sex often, but it is "duty sex" or the spouse will make excuses why he/she can't have sex right now - but can later.
I'll start the ball rolling. My wife and I have sex probably on average 4 times per week. I am HD and love the connection it gives me (or should give me) to my wife.
What ruins it is when I make a pass and get, "OK, geez - can we do it later, I have to do blahblahblah". Or, "I'm slammed at work" (we both work from home and miday is best b/c she is too tired at night and grumpy as hell in the morning if you wake her up.
When I get the basically "submission sex" like I'm giving in, come on. It all buy ruins it for me.
I've voiced this frustration for years and I always get "Well if you....". I nip that in the bud. Sex is not conditional on whether I was gone the previous day hunting, or kayaking-- that is an excuse and she has a ton of them.
I am a believer that we make time for the things that are important. If she wants to get botox, she makes it happen. Nails, going to the salon or whatever miraculously happens. Me asking for sex is an inconvenience. I always make sure she comes first and I love pleasing her. She expects to get her O and then says, "OK, come" if I am taking too long.
It is very difficult to not get pissy and "tit for tat" when getting duty sex or rebuffed. It takes a lot of redirection on my behalf to not retaliate with withholding things that are important to her as retaliation. This makes an unhappy house hold - but there sometimes is no other recourse.
SO- Can some of you share some success stories where you have been able to get the message across to your spouse and encourage them to be more sexual, affectionate, etc?
Before anyone lectures me on MMSP, I've mapped my ass off and I can go into detail if you want - but she is immune to mapping.
Please share some success stories - this site is ridden with people with frustrations (myself included) so I'd like to hear some "Wins" that couples have had.
Cheers,
FFN
I'll start the ball rolling. My wife and I have sex probably on average 4 times per week. I am HD and love the connection it gives me (or should give me) to my wife.
What ruins it is when I make a pass and get, "OK, geez - can we do it later, I have to do blahblahblah". Or, "I'm slammed at work" (we both work from home and miday is best b/c she is too tired at night and grumpy as hell in the morning if you wake her up.
When I get the basically "submission sex" like I'm giving in, come on. It all buy ruins it for me.
I've voiced this frustration for years and I always get "Well if you....". I nip that in the bud. Sex is not conditional on whether I was gone the previous day hunting, or kayaking-- that is an excuse and she has a ton of them.
I am a believer that we make time for the things that are important. If she wants to get botox, she makes it happen. Nails, going to the salon or whatever miraculously happens. Me asking for sex is an inconvenience. I always make sure she comes first and I love pleasing her. She expects to get her O and then says, "OK, come" if I am taking too long.
It is very difficult to not get pissy and "tit for tat" when getting duty sex or rebuffed. It takes a lot of redirection on my behalf to not retaliate with withholding things that are important to her as retaliation. This makes an unhappy house hold - but there sometimes is no other recourse.
SO- Can some of you share some success stories where you have been able to get the message across to your spouse and encourage them to be more sexual, affectionate, etc?
Before anyone lectures me on MMSP, I've mapped my ass off and I can go into detail if you want - but she is immune to mapping.
Please share some success stories - this site is ridden with people with frustrations (myself included) so I'd like to hear some "Wins" that couples have had.
Cheers,
FFN