Is Sex The "Bottom Line"?
In a sexual relationship it is!
In a sexual relationship sex is essential, in a platonic relationship sex is superfluous.
I've turned down sex when single and not getting any at the time, because I wasn't interested in having sex with whomever wanted to have sex with me. Likewise I have been fine not having sex for weeks through several months while away because of Army service.
Yet when it comes to being in a sexual relationship the sexual part is what makes it a sexual relationship and separates it from being a platonic one.
So whether I am dating, in my experience sex on the 1st or 2nd date was the norm. Being picked up/picking up, meet at a pub/club where you have sex there and or take it home and have at it (there's or yours). In an exclusive relationship, you know just having lots of sex with them. Or Engaged and or married when wanting a more formalised sexual relationship. I have an expectation that sex will be plentiful and mutually desired.
Fortunately thus far, I've mutually enjoyed a smorgasbord of plentiful delight.
We talk about sex every day. It's the END all, to BE all, for some.
And for others, they couldn't care less.
Talking about sex is a lot more fun that talking about the right shutter speed to capture full prop blur air-to-air for a Beechcraft King Air K-350 or a Supermarine Spitfire (VIII, IX and XVI) in flight. Which incidentally is 1/100 and 1/80 respectively, full prop blur for the Spitfire ground-to-ground running I recommend 1/40 or less, then 1/15 for start up.
We see it in magazines. Online articles. Scholarly essays and news reports. Women's orgasms aren't "necessary" for procreation. Men's orgasm's aren't "necessary" OUTSIDE of procreation.
When is "necessary" required in order to have fun?
We hunt it down. We seek it. And if we don't get it (from someone else), we're "grumpy" and/or "irritable".
Hardly a surprise that people feel frustrated when they don't get what they desire.
We marry because we have this belief that we'll have wedded conjugal bliss (on OUR terms, of course) well into our 90's. And if we don't "get it" 4-6 times a week, or 3 times a day, we'll become "unhappy", especially with our "selfish" partner.
Since I've never lacked for sex whenever I have wanted it, I have never married to get sex and never would marry to get sex.
As to being selfish, if one's partner no longer desires them sexually, it makes a lot of sense for all parties to end a sexual
relationship if it has become a platonic one.
We marry to get it. We divorce because of the lack or TOO MUCH of it. We even DEMAND it, because we EXPECT it. We're entitled to it because of it's "biological" nature or simply because of our gender.
I've been married twice, in the first instance it was because she got pregnant and I thought it was a good idea to raise our child while married. In the second instance my wife was sick of hiding the fact that we were living together, lest she upset her very Catholic Sicilian mother.
That said since marriages are supposed to be sexual relationships, I wouldn't marry anyone or remain married to anyone sans having sex.
As to entitlement I don't think anyone is entitled to anything, you get what you get! Life isn't fair so one ought to enjoy what they can, and get over what they can't.
Some of us want it because we believe that it's the ULTIMATE expression of our "love" for our partner. Yet, that same person may have NO PROBLEM having sex with people BEFORE his/her partner with NO "feelings" attached.
If people are hypocrites or lack comprehension good luck to them. Absent cheating on a sexually exclusive partner I'm happy to share sex with anyone who I am sexually attracted to who wants to mutually share and enjoy the same. As to no feelings, I don't know about you but I tend to have pleasant feelings when I share something I enjoy with someone.
Some of us see it as "bonding". You know...becoming "one" and all that...Others will see it as merely a physical way of 'releasing' built up sexual tension.
It's simply a tremendous amount of fun that is often mutually viscerally desired.
It's the "E-ticket" ride in an amusement park. A 'ride' that we want to jump on over and over again. Or, it's the 'hell' that some people feel. And from the ultra-feminist point of view, it's a symbol of man's domination over women.
I'm married to a woman who in our first decade could fairly be considered a radical Feminist (she used to be a leading member of an active Feminist collective and organised plenty of protests and marches. Today albeit less radical she (Ms Not Personal) still identifies as a Feminist and unsurprisingly desires and enjoys lots of sex.
If one is going to jump they may as well be all in!
Regardless of our attitudes toward it, it seems to be that sex is "It". Forget about the rest of the "relationship." Forget about "until death do us part"...forget about "love", too!
Humans are quite capable of having sex with people they are in love with or aren't in love with. Just as humans are also perfectly capable of loving people they don't have sex with. If you love someone and are not having sex with them you have a platonic relationship. If you don't love someone and are having sex with them you have a sexual relationship.
If a spouse never wants to or seldom wants to have sex with their partner, they should have no expectation or requirement for their spouse to remain sexually exclusive.
I have a great relationship with my wife on many levels, I don't understand why you think sex comes at the expense of all of the rest. Settling for the wrong people is where all of the rest collapses. Great (long term/marital) sexual relationships are a sum of the whole with sex being an essential and critical part (otherwise it wouldn't be a sexual relationship).
Having read your tales of woe, I wouldn't have picked any of the partners you describe. You would do well to not ascribe your experiences to everyone else. My and my wife's experiences aren't like yours. Whenever we have found someone to be poorly we've always let them go and moved on, why settle when you don't have to?
The reason why I'm saying all of this, is because I've been sex-less for the past 8 months or so. And, I'm HAPPY! I don't "need" sex in order to be HAPPY. Yet, it seems that so many others put so much weight on sex for their happiness.
I've gone months at a time sans sex and have been perfectly happy as well, it's not news that sex isn't the font of all happiness. I have sex because it's fun not because I think it has some lofty meaning.
Now, don't get me wrong. I've been VERY HD in some of my relationships. But the point is, that I'm not UN happy if I'm not in a relationship getting laid however many times a day. I've also been in relationship where the frequency of sex was very low...
...that didn't make me UN happy!
So tell me...is it REALLY the end all to BE all? And if so,
Since sex is the part that makes a relationship a sexual one, of course sex is the end all to be all in any sexual relationship.