A "gift" that's expected from me seems more like an obligation than anything else.
Something is only an obligation if you make it one.
Often, something becomes an obligation because there is a negative thought, or thoughts, associated with it. Therefore, it's on you, and only you.
My wife will not give standalone BJ's for this reason. She's not obligated to in the slightest by me, though she knows my desire for them. Yet she happily, and lustfully, gives them as foreplay, or to finish. She's not adverse to the act itself AT ALL - only the context in which the act is performed.
She's formed a negative connotation of this act when done on it's own, and only then, likely due to previous experiences that have nothing to do with me.
She's entitled, and although I don't like it, it's not a deal breaker for me. It most definitely would be if this was sex we were talking about, though, and not simply a sex act.
If someone thinks sex, in general, is some sort of obligation OR if someone MAKES sex an obligation, there's a major issue there, and one that needs to be dealt with and fixed.
, I think I'm somewhat familiar with your late ex husbands treatment of you, and I can understand why you have this negative view of sex, especially as far as it being an obligation. However, somebody here on TAM used this line in a thread a few weeks ago, and it stuck with me:
"Don't make somebody pay someone else's bill."
I used that quote with my wife not that long ago, and she understood and agreed. I didn't use it in any particular context or for a specific reason, just as a generality. But it rings true in almost all situations and scenarios.
I truly hope that if and when you meet somebody you want to be with, you don't make them pay off your late ex husbands debts, and that you can start fresh with them. Learning from our past mistakes does not mean putting up walls and barricades at every turn, making our new partners navigate an un-ending maze of twists and turns, all to keep them from arriving at the ultimate destination.