An inherent problem is that over time some individuals libido will fade while other's will grow. It is also commonly understood that everyone's sexuality (particularly women's) will go through seasons often corresponding with the energy and devotion needed to help raise a family.
If there even is a key, I think it is more about couples that have the ability to compassionately compromise with one another regarding issues relating arising of mismatched desire rather than getting upset and withdrawing.
Otherwise most newlyweds experience a hormonal "honeymoon period" after which the context of sexuality in the relationship inevitably becomes redefined.
Those relationships driven by primarily by hormones that never develop any emotional stimulation/drive for sex after a few years are the ones in for a tough road ahead. Just because it is a tough road does not mean it has to be a bad one. Most often the road less traveled leads to extraordinary places. Or you end up indefinitely in the jungle freaking tangled in vines and perpetually bitten by insects.
Is there a "trick" to understanding which road less traveled leads to Shangri-La? Probably not as it will take TWO emotionally strong individuals to make this journey.
Very nicely put, Badsanta. I often shake my head when I hear/read about people who stopped having sex after a few years, or the sex diminished from the beginning of the relationship, and the "deprived" spouse is ready to toss in the towel. That spouse is actually encouraged to dump his or her spouse to find someone more sexually "compatible".
If we already know that sex waxes and wans during an LTR, why are we so ready to call it quits so easily?
I have a friend who married my exb/f's brother many years ago. She told me that he became depressed about losing his job and never quite recovered. He found his comfort in beer. Every. Single. Day. Their sex life was non-existent for more than a decade. She never pressured him. She loved him, and wanted to see him happy.
But then one day he woke up and they had sex. She was THRILLED. She said sex is now better than ever, and they're both in their 60's!
She never considered herself to be in a "sexless" marriage because they USED to have sex. Just because they're not having sex NOW doesn't mean that they NEVER had sex. So, in her mind, her marriage was never "sex-less
". For a decade, the sex "button" was stuck on 'pause'.
At one point she prepared herself for never having sex again. She wasn't about to divorce him, but she felt that if she started demanding sex, SHE
would have been the 'selfish' one!
All in all, she's glad she waited, and I'm happy for them both.