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Update from an old timer - 18 years no orgasms

9K views 67 replies 25 participants last post by  TheCuriousWife 
#1 ·
Hi everyone, I see a few familiar names.

I've been thinking I would come back and do an update on my story. I had come to this site 3 (?) years ago when I hit a breaking point with my DH. Had never had an orgasm with him, he had never touched me below the waist, had never given me oral in 18 years. We never talked about sex ever. He never asked if I was having orgasms, I never said anything about it. And suddenly I hit a point where I couldn't deal with the situation any longer. I blurted the news out to him in a fit of tears. Took him completely by surprise.

I know on this board (at least the way it was) there are only a few of us women who aren't having partner orgasms. Some have husbands that would love to provide - but the women have hang ups. Some have husbands like mine that never tried and don't seem to care. Being in the minority is difficult! This seems to be a magical land where all the men are willing but don't have compliant partners and all the women are getting off all the time.

This marital issue took a long time to get sorted out at my house. At first there was a period where every attempt to have sex was treacherous. I would watch the clock and say - if I haven't come in 15 minutes I'm calling it. He was uncomfortable too. I could not relax, he was trying to do things the way he wanted to do them but they weren't working. I couldn't give him any help, even when he did things exactly like I did them to myself it felt different. Each encounter left both of us feeling like failures, I am sure.

Finally there was some success (with like 40 min of oral) and then things stalled out again. He seemed to know I was going to call it at some point. It seemed he would put in enough effort to appear like he cared until I lost my nerve and told him to stop. Then we had PIV and he got off and went to sleep. After months of this I hit another breaking point. I was getting no closer to getting off and now he knew it but couldn't be bothered. During this time I got to points were I (truthfully) told him I was thinking of having an affair and then finally to the point where I said I was considering divorce. I was still young enough to find a relationship where I felt wanted and desired. I couldn't stand the thought that I could go through my whole life and never feel wanted (as opposed to someone just there to get a man off) or experience the things that other women were (like orgasms with a partner!)

I then decided - I rarely fail in getting myself off and my vibrator has a 100% success rate. So he can give it a try and when he's done I will finish the job (with him there). In retrospect this was the game changer. And at first it was very difficult, but with enough exposure it got easier. I got comfortable with him watching me have an orgasm. He got comfortable knowing I was going to get there. I was satisfied with this compromise because every time I went to bed with him I was getting off. He started joining in and stumbled upon a few tricks of his own that produced orgasms stronger than I'd ever felt before. While I was using the vibrator. I made sure he knew all of that, I had also lost my inability to talk about sex. Of course it is so much easier to say - wow, that was fantastic! Much better than - nope, I got nothing out of that.

However, during this time he had still told me - in fairness I can see that you should be able to have an orgasm too. But honestly if I had a magic button I could push to get out of it - I would. That was another set back.

However, even with the set backs I could feel myself relaxing about sex and growing up about it too. I think once you hit a point when you can believe "if I've got the time to get you off then you have the time to get me off too" - then you are a grown up and not still behaving like you are having high school sex which is what I had been having into my 40's!

At some point he just took an interest. He stopped asking me to get the vibrator out and started trying on his own again - and it started working.

All this time I had counted these orgasms - the ones he had given me (as opposed to the ones I was bringing on myself.) Forever it had been 5. Then 5-10 went without any breaks. After 10 I stopped counting and that was some time ago. A few times I've even hit 2 in a row and other things I never thought would happen to Miss Scarlett, that is for sure!

SO things have been good and I'm very happy to have gotten to the way I'd always hoped it could be. It took the better part of 3 years. So I would tell another woman in my situation - you can't expect results overnight. I would suggest the way I went around it - if you CAN get off without him, then bring that in to something you do with him instead. Even if he doesn't ask. ESPECIALLY if he doesn't ask.
 
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#2 ·
Great to hear the good news, MissScarlett!

I "discovered" the vibrator about 2 years into my marriage with my late husband. Depending on how aroused I am, I can "vibrate" to an orgasm in less than 30 seconds.

I brought this up to my late husband. Instead of welcoming this news, he felt threatened and intimidated by it. It was a blow to his ego that mechanical device had more "power" in our sex life than HE did.
 
#4 · (Edited)
However, even with the set backs I could feel myself relaxing about sex
I think this is the key.

Mystifies me how I have slept with women first hand who can achieve intense orgasms from PIV within 5 minutes no problem. Then there are other women who apparently have SO much difficulty in having an orgasm. All women have the same lady parts... (putting medical issues aside) so the road blocks seem mostly mental.

Women who are comfortable with their bodies and having sex, who can get over these childish hang ups as you put it can overcome these issues. I don't believe for a second your husband didn't care about you cumming. Quite the opposite, its an ego boost for a man to make a woman cum. He just didn't know how to please you and gave up trying. Only by asserting what you wanted was he able to learn how to get you off. And you did that by becoming comfortable about talking about it.

Thank you for sharing.
 
#10 ·
Dude, you need to re-evaluate your experience. What you describe is male ego and fantasy not women's sexuality!

MissScarlett, kudos to you for never faking it, and giving yourself permission to demand the time and attention to your pleasure. I'm glad your husband finally saw the light (the first half of your story made me want to come over and kick him!)
 
#5 ·
It took the better part of 3 years. So I would tell another woman in my situation - you can't expect results overnight.
This is what people NEED to hear!

Whatever your problem is, progress does not happen overnight. You work on things, while right away things may not improve but you start learning and noticing more. Then you try new things. Perhaps something gets better here and there. Then you take two steps backwards, only to know which is the right direction to keep pushing forwards. You read some books, get frustrated again. Then as you take a moment to look back you realize what you have accomplished, you take a moment to feel good and the moment you brag you jinx yourself and almost right away everything goes to shît. But this time you know to be patient and stay positive to get things back on track.

@MissScarlett you better go knock on some wood! If you get my pun you will knock the socks off of it so you hopefully you just didn't just jinx yourself as I always do!

Cheers,
Badsanta
 
#6 ·
Well - I do believe some women can get off PIV but that is not even on my radar. In fact the belief that a woman should just have an orgasm without any effort during PIV is part of what got me into trouble in the first place.

You expect for it to happen and when it doesn't you are embarrassed and you believe that you are broken. Even though I was, at times, getting myself off daily with clitoral stimulation I did believe with a partner it should just happen PIV.

I'm over that now though. And another person touching you feels different so it's not even a sure shot that having someone replicate your actions will be effective.

For me my biggest mental block was believing I deserved an orgasm too when I went to bed with my DH. And the second block was believing if it took more than 15 min it wasn't worth the effort.

But switching the responsibility from him to me fixed both of those at a crucial point. For me anyway.
 
#7 ·
But switching the responsibility from him to me fixed both of those at a crucial point. For me anyway.
I second that.

For 14 years with my ex wife, I could not get her off once (save for gspot orgasms via manual stimulation). She discovered vibrators 6-7 years into the relationship and spent the better part of a year using it on her own. Totally reluctant to bring it into the bedroom with me.

When she finally did, it was a game-changer, though not at the level it worked for you. I still could not get her to orgasm on my own, but at least she was able to use a toy during sex to get herself off.

This gave her a reason to want to have sex with me - which was a good thing. We had reached a point where it was little more than duty sex for her. She was willing, but we both knew she wasn't going to reach orgasm, and sex turned into what you had with your husband for all those years. "High school sex", as you put it.

When I became intimate with my current wife, it was night and day. She has multiple orgasms, and can get off in a minute flat through oral OR PIV. It's partly just because she's built that way, and partly because she clearly knows her body and what works for her.

It's interesting, because she's not a deep thinker - as in she's more a person of action than thought - whereas I'm quite the opposite. This clearly follows her into the bedroom, where she's able to just let go and orgasm, without thinking about it, worrying about it, stressing about it. And I suppose that's really the key.
 
#9 ·
Thank you @MissScarlett. Very real advice. I am so happy that you have found this part of yourself and it's making a difference in your attitude with regards to yourself and marriage.

I completely understand your story and where you are coming from. So keep having fun and let your inhibitions go. Having sex in your 40's is amazing.

Here is to all of us girls rediscovering our sexuality or finally discovering it.:smthumbup:

Good luck and many blessings.
 
#12 ·
"childish hang ups"

The OP never said they were 'childish'. That's your opinion.

What I don't understand is why he was so averse to you having an orgasm? He thought it was fair but if he could get out of it, he would?

What I really, really don't understand is him not touching you below the waist for 18 years. If anyone had hang ups, it was him. He's lucky you stuck around.
 
#26 ·
"childish hang ups"

The OP never said they were 'childish'. That's your opinion.

What I don't understand is why he was so averse to you having an orgasm? He thought it was fair but if he could get out of it, he would?

What I really, really don't understand is him not touching you below the waist for 18 years. If anyone had hang ups, it was him. He's lucky you stuck around.
hee hee, yup he was the one with hang ups and his hang ups gave MissScarlett hang ups.
 
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#13 ·
Just curious, were you ever under the influence of alcohol during any of this?
My wife has always had a hard time relaxing and letting go unless she's had a drink or two. She get buzzed or drunk and she just lets go, loses her inhibitions, and it all happens with ease. She always could orgasm sober, but a lot easier and quicker with a drinking. This is even more especially since her libido zapped to nearly nothing a few years ago.

I know I often try to give her an oral orgasm before PIV to make sure she has one. But more and more lately she just asks me to skip oral and go for the PIV orgasm which she prefers.
 
#17 ·
The main point is that her husband had no desire to please her and would have preferred to have never learned that she did want an orgasm. He was one selfish pr!ck.

He was so selfish that he didn't even bother to touch her below the waist. I can only imagine the machinations he went through trying to guide himself to penetration without having to actually TOUCH her. His little brain was probably agog with thinking "ewww, ewww, ewww". For 18 years!!!

It's a miracle that she was able to turn this around. Most women would have bolted 17 years and 11 months earlier.
 
#19 ·
The main point is that her husband had no desire to please her and would have preferred to have never learned that she did want an orgasm. He was one selfish pr!ck.
I could not agree more! What if he hardly ever had sex with her at all because he decided he didn't want to anymore? Would that be equally selfish?
@MissScarlett, can talk about how his attention to your sexual needs made you feel? Loving? Connected?
 
#18 ·
Sorry, I am trying to navigate this new board system on my tablet and can't find how to quote from previous posts.

Anon Pink asked what I meant by making an orgasm my responsibility and taking it off him.

Referring to Phase 2 of how things developed. Phase 1 being "I've informed you that I've never had an orgasm with you and I want to. Now you need to learn how to do it. This only had varying success. He would try but I was overly concerned about it taking too long. I felt if he had put 15 min in with no results I should not require him to continue. So I was still going to bed with him with no orgasm for me and one for him. Then it seemed he got wise to this time limit and on his own would desist and move on to PIV (which never has and likely never will produce an orgasm, which is fine.) My situation really hadn't improved that much.

Phase 2 - I said wait a minute. I can get myself off and it's not too much problem. Here's how this is going to go. You have a go. For as long as you want. If no orgasm has happened by that point I will bring my vibrator in to get one. Or get one manually. If we are having sex then I'm having an orgasm. I was happy to hold PIV ransom till I had one. It's no longer acceptable that only you are getting off and I'm going to make sure it happens. Which, I understand, may seem a bit harsh to some here but this was really the turning point in my sexual maturity. And his. It set the bar.

Phase 3 - He takes an interest in his own. I'm no longer stressed about time. I no longer have anxiety about will I /won't I, what if this is a disaster. And he's gotten really quite good at it. Oral specifically. Haven't had my vibrator out for quite some time.

Someone asked about alcohol - if anything I feel alcohol numbs and makes it a little harder to orgasm. However I think my issues were entirely because I didn't believe he cared at all if I came and that's really hard to relax and get into.

Also on faking, I had faked regularly and took a huge flaming for that on this board when I first got here. However - when I discussed the faking with DH later he was like - you were what? All my theatrics did not lead him to believe I was cumming. This was not a case of him thinking I was having orgasms and I was faking.

We don't talk about the past much at all. I found the clean slate approach more helpful and I do not remind him of our sexual past nor does he remind me. I definitely gave up the faking and never will again. I want to have orgasms and faking them is completely contrary to what I want out of sex.

So - my advise to other women who aren't having orgasms and want to. If you can get off alone you can get off with your partner there. It's very uncomfortable to start, but practice makes it comfortable and a normal thing to do with a partner.
 
#25 ·
Sorry, I am trying to navigate this new board system on my tablet and can't find how to quote from previous posts.

Anon Pink asked what I meant by making an orgasm my responsibility and taking it off him.

Referring to Phase 2 of how things developed. Phase 1 being "I've informed you that I've never had an orgasm with you and I want to. Now you need to learn how to do it. This only had varying success. He would try but I was overly concerned about it taking too long. I felt if he had put 15 min in with no results I should not require him to continue. So I was still going to bed with him with no orgasm for me and one for him. Then it seemed he got wise to this time limit and on his own would desist and move on to PIV (which never has and likely never will produce an orgasm, which is fine.) My situation really hadn't improved that much.

Phase 2 - I said wait a minute. I can get myself off and it's not too much problem. Here's how this is going to go. You have a go. For as long as you want. If no orgasm has happened by that point I will bring my vibrator in to get one. Or get one manually. If we are having sex then I'm having an orgasm. I was happy to hold PIV ransom till I had one. It's no longer acceptable that only you are getting off and I'm going to make sure it happens. Which, I understand, may seem a bit harsh to some here but this was really the turning point in my sexual maturity. And his. It set the bar.

Phase 3 - He takes an interest in his own. I'm no longer stressed about time. I no longer have anxiety about will I /won't I, what if this is a disaster. And he's gotten really quite good at it. Oral specifically. Haven't had my vibrator out for quite some time.

Someone asked about alcohol - if anything I feel alcohol numbs and makes it a little harder to orgasm. However I think my issues were entirely because I didn't believe he cared at all if I came and that's really hard to relax and get into.

Also on faking, I had faked regularly and took a huge flaming for that on this board when I first got here. However - when I discussed the faking with DH later he was like - you were what? All my theatrics did not lead him to believe I was cumming. This was not a case of him thinking I was having orgasms and I was faking.
1. Yeah for your husband finally finding your lady parts and treating them to the loving attention they so richly deserve!

2. I'm just pointing out here, for those men who still seem to think orgasm difficulty is all her mental fault. Check the bolded part! Mr Scarlett never noticed that her theatrics indicated orgasm. A female orgasm was NOT in his zone of awareness. The dude did not notice one way or the other. How the **** is the good girl virgin supposed to figure out how to orgasm during sex when her husband doesn't touch or caress her lady parts and she thinks she is supposed to magically orgasm just like he does?

3. Only when MissScarlett closed her vagina to penile penetration did her husband find a way to help his wife orgasm. While I'm very happy she did held penetration hostage, I'm also very sad that her husband was so dense he had to have the proverbial gun to his head before he learned his wife's pleasure was every bit as important as his!




We don't talk about the past much at all. I found the clean slate approach more helpful and I do not remind him of our sexual past nor does he remind me. I definitely gave up the faking and never will again. I want to have orgasms and faking them is completely contrary to what I want out of sex.

So - my advise to other women who aren't having orgasms and want to. If you can get off alone you can get off with your partner there. It's very uncomfortable to start, but practice makes it comfortable and a normal thing to do with a partner.

MissScarlett, do you feel resentment? You said you two don't discuss the past and have started with a clean slate. Can you give some pointers on HOW to do that? How do you keep resentment at bay? How do you keep the past in the past?
 
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#27 ·
Hi again,

I don't think resentment is the right word. Its been easy to let go because now I have the sex life I want. The orgasms I can have with DH are stronger than the ones I can give myself and there's never any power play or being defensive during sex wondering if he's going to make an effort. I also accept responsibility for going about things the wrong way. As I said in my first post, we were equally immature about sex. If either one of us would have been mature this situation would have never happened in the first place. We were in our 40's and had never talked about sex. I mean I think of what could have been if in my 20's I had said to him - you know I've never had an orgasm with someone and would like to. Or if he'd ever asked me if I'd had one or what I liked. Back at the beginning.

This board can be frustrating for women who have orgasm issues. We are like the rare unicorns of the board that some find difficult to believe exist. I ran by a few months ago (but could not get logged on to save my life) where some poor girl was wanting to learn to orgasm with a partner and was basically being told she couldn't have a problem because everyone wives come all the time. All women have to do is get 3 min of foreplay in them and a penis and she should pass out from cumming so much right?

We do exist. I have a close knit group of friends all married 20 years or more. In our group 2 of the women have never had an orgasm with their husbands. (Im no longer the third thankfully). One more has one per month on average despite 3x/week of sex. One friend does get off every time but because she presses her legs together with her DH penis between so she can stimulate her clitoris and it works for them. Nobody is having PIV orgasms. Everyone that is getting off is a clitoral/foreplay situation. Till I came to this board I didnt even know there were men who cared if a woman had an orgasm. As in that was important to them or a goal of theirs.

Let me illustrate one problem we had. DH had not given me oral for the 18 years we were married at that time. I'd had oral prior to him but never had an orgasm from it. DH starts giving me oral. Having not ever done it. There's a learning curve. Yes it felt good but I didnt know why the sensations aren't building. I can't go down on myself. I have no knowledge of what's going to ring the bell because it's never been rung that way. DH developed a preference for the queening position. Him on his back, me kneeling over him. He liked giving oral this way, wanted to try it this way every time. Ok. Never resulted in an orgasm and I doubt it would work now. It was months before I read in She Comes First that this position rarely produces an orgasm. I certainly don't envy the months where my DH was trying and had no succes. I'd been masturbating frequently with a vibrator in the bathroom for 10 years prior. Feeling fingers and lips and tongue is a very different sensation. It feels great but it's unfamiliar. Been masturbating sitting up for 10 years, now I'm lying down. Everything had to be learned. Just like anything new that anyone tries. At first it is unfamiliar and uncomfortable. It gets better the more you do it but it can be time consuming.

Anon - you have such a way with words! He learned to help me when I held PIV hostage. Yes! I remember that day well. Pretty sure it went something like - don't you ever effing touch me again unless you're making some effort to get me off! Because yes, at that time he would have been happy to be excused from me ever getting off again. He didn't like the way our sex life had changed. For over a decade he had felt my breasts for a few minutes and then I got on top of him until he finished. I hadn't ever complained. It was working out great for him.

The reason I am being so graphic and probably sounding really pissed off is because I know there are women like me who come here to this board. The reason I came back to update is because it IS possible to learn to orgasm with a partner and I want other women to know that and have some hope. I want women to not wait 18 years to say something. I want them to intervene much earlier than it took me. And if their DH are willing all the better! There are men who would love to please their wives and have good fulfilling married sex. Let's all be having orgasms. Orgasms are great!"

Having said a lot of harsh things here about my DH I will say again - he did take the initiative and learned my body. It was long after the threats and the fighting. It was after I had accepted I was going to be getting myself off during every sexual interlude with him. He had a change of heart or started to see things in a different light. And when that happened I fell in love with him again (as one does many times during a marriage). We'd be out and I couldn't wait to get home with him. It changed how I felt about myself too - I felt wanted and important to him in that way. I upgraded all my sleepwear and started dressing sexier when we went out. I am happy now that I can tell him how he makes me feel and that I want him too. A part of me was born that hadn't existed till that point. And it should be that way! It should.
 
#29 ·
Well done Miss Scarlett for taking matters into your own hands. So much of physiological response is learned behavior and mental prioritisation. so glad that you took the initiative and actually made the effort to try out solutions, and came up with so much of a road map to getting such things to work, also it is strange what some peoples triggers are. Some like to have it about them, some find a degree of dominance is necessary, others find such things as revolting; for some it is a physical act, others require a mental "getting into that head space" (and staying there!!) to get past that plateau point. for men and women. Bravo.
 
#30 ·
Yes, please, let us all remember that some 70-80% of women CANNOT orgasm through PIV alone and REQUIRE other forms of stimulation.

And that taking time to orgasm is NOT a sign of defect.

The whole she comes real quick from his stellar c0ck thing is just a male fantasy and anyone who thinks this is healthy female sexuality is getting information from porn and not real women. Or has only been with partners who are totally faking it.
 
#39 ·
Yes, please, let us all remember that some 70-80% of women CANNOT orgasm through PIV alone and REQUIRE other forms of stimulation.
The 70% - 80% rate is what I've observed in my previous years of relationships. One interesting detail is that my wife cannot have an orgasm through PIV alone except for the two times in her life that she tried legal edible marijuana.
 
#36 ·
LOL, that last post was skillfully done AP :).

So what is the non-hurtful way to describe the fact that a good part of solving the issue has to come from inside the women's head. Or perhaps a temporary male size shot of testosterone might make the unused synapses sizzle enough to be noticed.

And no, I am not minimizing the importance of a supportive and curious partner either...
 
#38 ·
It depends on who's talking and who is being talked to. I like "emotional baggage that needs unpacking."
 
#44 ·
It's no problem, Betrayed Dad. I did not take offense. Feeling like my situation was all my fault prevented me from doing anything about it for far too long. Even though a lot of us here have stories that sound clear cut and one sided - sexual issues are complex and rarely just one partners problem.

I think DH was more immature than malicious. As I said earlier it was kind of like we hadn't evolved out of our high school skill set. Sexually. But I did consider divorce and was pretty sure we'd never reach our 20 year anniversary. (Which was this year). I'd reached the point where I couldn't bear the thought of living my whole life without feeling wanted or having intimacy or having the sexual experiences I'd hoped to have.

Thankfully it did not come to that, though, and we were able to work things out (taking the better part of 3 years) I have those things I wanted now and do not take them for granted.
 
#58 ·
I think it is completely awesome that you were able to educate and inspire your husband. A lot of guys like to think they already have all the answers and are not very open to being corrected. I've even had guys tell me they know more about my sexuality than I do myself. LOL. When they're told they're wrong, they get all defensive and blameshift, and often resort to insulting women so as to not have to own any responsibility.

It sounds like your husband started off this way, but you were able to open his eyes. Even as you too were just working on opening your own.

I'm impressed!
 
#45 ·
There were no less than 4 other women who also posted about the insensitivity @BetrayedDad showed in his reply. And most importantly, MissScarlett admitted it was hurtful.

But by all means it is US who have the burden to grow thicker skin because asking him to change one stinking word was ...

This is NOT about the thought police, being politically correct, or even feminism. It's about demonstrating respect toward the person to whom your word are directed.

"I sincerely apologize if you took offense..."

This is NOT an apology! It does not include taking responsibility for the words that caused the harm. It clearly states, you took offense. It does not state my words were poorly chosen.

Why the fvck is this so hard for some men to understand? I just don't get it and I really really don't want to keep this going.
 
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#47 · (Edited)
This is NOT about the thought police, being politically correct
Yes it is. You only want to see the world through your narrow little prism. It's immature at best and willfully ignorant at worst.

"I sincerely apologize if you took offense..."

This is NOT an apology! It does not include taking responsibility for the words that caused the harm.
I am sorry her feelings were hurt. I do not want to make people upset. Especially OP, who I think actually "gets" it better than most.

However, I am not sorry I said what I said because I said nothing wrong. I don't care if you think otherwise, you are not the thought police.

Why the fvck is this so hard for some men to understand?
Why is it so hard for women? Oh wait, I'm not allowed to say that. That's misogynist. But please continue with your misandrist diatribe.

I just don't get it and I really really don't want to keep this going.
Me neither, peddle your agenda to the sheep who feed into it.

Good bye.
 
#48 · (Edited)
:banghead:


The 4 women on this thread who called you out for being insensitive and hurtful are indicative of most women's need to be heard. You have refused to hear us. You have refused to apologize. You have instead become defense and blame shifted. You are not likely to be successful in any relationship with women because you refuse to hear.
 
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#49 ·
:banghead:



If this is how you treated your ex wife I'm surprised your marriage didn't end sooner.
And this is a shaming attack. Yes, I get your frustration, but this is just as offensive, IMO.
 
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#54 ·
Personally, I took offense to BetrayedDad's liberty of calling hangups 'childish'. The use of the word 'mental' didn't offend me as it didn't appear to be written to offend. It didn't offend the OP, either. In fact, the only person it seems to have offended is Anon Pink. And, that's ok. Except when one uses an elephant gun to kill a sparrow.
 
#55 ·
Elephant gun to kill a sparrow? That would fit if....



None of this took place: 'mental' was refused and 'childish hangups' was ignored, apology was nothing but blame shifting, and then he doubles down on his insensitive remarks by questioning the truth of what MissScarlett has said about her husband in his own words no less! finally ending with a statement that completely and totally ignores the very happy resolution MissScarlett came here to report...

Not to mention his initial post that insinuated women who didn't orgasm in 5 min had something wrong with them...

Not to mention his believe that all females should function the same as every other female...smh...

IDK @Blondilocks, seems like an elephant to me.

How many wives get sick of their husband not listening to them? Not hearing them? Not respecting their feelings?

And how many husbands come here claiming to be all that and a bag of chips who was victimized by a WAW. Well folks this thread is a real time example of a man who refuses to hear but puts himself squarely in the victim chair.


In any event, I find it hard to fathom that he didn't care at all about making you happy or feeling fulfilled. If you truly believe that,then he a cruel and callous person and you should be filing for divorce.
 
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#56 ·
@MissScarlett, I apologize on behalf of our fellow TAM contributor.

She has apparently decided to continue to thread jack and make a spectacle of herself rather than settle the matter through PMs.

That's a sincere apologize you deserve. I hope you will continue to keep us updated.
 
#57 ·
@Anon Pink, I didn't say he isn't ignorant of female sexuality. It was his use of the word 'mental' to which you took umbrage. Please don't kitchen sink this - he isn't responsible for all men. Which is a good thing because he has enough to work on with himself.

Over and out.
 
#60 ·
I feel the need to keep coming back to this because it's my thread.

Anon Pink has been my biggest TAM cheerleader since my first post. In that post, which went on forever, I was flamed by many people but remember clearly that Anon said omg, I can't believe your DH had never touched you, that's so much BS! (I'm paraphrasing). She's been angry when I've been angry, she's been happy when I have been happy. She's defended me to several posters who were solely placing blame on me over the years and I really appreciate that.

I have not taken offense to betrayed dad using the word mental - because I disagreed with the post, not just that word. The post did not illustrate the way I have seen my marital issues go these past 3 years. It echoed what I had told myself for the 18 years I wasn't having orgasms. I should be having orgasms. It's my fault I'm not having orgasms. I don't want a man to think I'm a bad lover because I'm not having orgasms so I will cover it up, divert attention, make it about him. This is a problem I'm quite sure many women have. That is why I have tried to chronicle my journey on this board. I found this board when I googled 'why won't my DH give me oral sex' and found stories similar to mine. I hope that Betrayed Dad has read my explanations and has understood what I have been trying to say about that. In my experience women want orgasms and the reasons they aren't having them can be varied.

You guys are adults and this is an open message board, but I hope we can continue (or not) on a more peaceful note.
 
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