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How to become a sexual aggressor

5K views 37 replies 15 participants last post by  wild jade 
#1 ·
I am a wife with a high drive, and have a hubby with a low drive. From my original post detailing my situation I got lots of great advice, (thank you everyone) and it seems I need to become the aggressor. I would really like to do this. Since this is not my nature, how do I work on myself to become more aggressive? Suggestions greatly appreciated.
 
#2 ·
For me, it was a combination of reading, watching, maybe a little wine, and the desire backed by will to just DO it.

Read erotic fiction. Note any aggressive female sexual interaction and keep it in your mind.

Watch porn or soft porn and see how sexually aggressive females behave.

Play around with scenarios in your head. Let them arouse both your mind and body. Let them take on a life of their own.

Once you've done the research, you can try little things to see how it goes. For example, waiting for a moment when he seems receptive and just grab him by both shoulders, turn him toward you, and passionately kiss him. Once he's all gooey, you end the kiss and walk away as if nothing happened.

Then, when your ready, take the plunge and just DO IT!
 
#5 ·
Reading some erotic stories could give you ideas to release your inner wh0re. Letting go may be what's needed to get your hubby into higher gear. If he's gotten tired of the same ole, you coming at him in new ways can awaken things.

I would also suggest working out. Yoga/Pilates can do AMAZING things for a woman's body. Nothing like a smoking hot body to get the juices flowing. Don't have to be a fitness model either, just get a little toned.

Also, you should gently but firmly nudge hubby to get his T-Levels checked. He could be low, which could explain the low drive. If they check out, encourage him to hit the gym. Some heavy lifting can increase T levels naturally. Both of you improving yourselves can be hot.
 
#6 ·
It depends almost entirely on him. It has to be done in a way that he will appreciate / enjoy, not be controlling or threatening.

Meet him at the door wearing nothing but a ribbon and a card that says you are his for the night?

Next time you are watching TV, just kneel down, open his robe and go to town?

Wear sexy lingerie all evening and let him know that you expect to spend a few hours with him?

Walk into the bedroom wearing high heels and carrying a riding crop and tell him he has to do what you say?

Next time you are in bed, tell him exactly what you want, then ask him exactly what he wants.



The problem is different people will react completely differently to each of the above.
 
#18 ·
Catch him in the shower, take your clothes off, snatch open the shower door or curtains, unapologetically invade his inner sanctum, and then have your way with him and simply rock his world!

And if he's got an ounce of blood left in him, expect immediate reciprocity!

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#19 ·
Catch him in the shower, take your clothes off, snatch open the shower door or curtains, unapologetically invade his inner sanctum, and then have your way with him and simply rock his world!

And if he's got an ounce of blood left in him, expect immediate reciprocity!
I will need to make sure I never take a shower with you in the room ... :surprise:
 
#22 ·
Spicy, somehow the thought of you getting "Aggressive" with him to change his sex drive seems fraught with all kinds of risks that can backfire pretty badly. His sex drive isn't the result of your not being "Aggressive" or assertive enough, it's either psychological, or physical. I'd try to figure out which one it is before instituting a plan to get more. You want more sex, not more frustration!

So, I'd talk with him about your needs, and his...objectively and not at all accusatory...and see what comes up (no pun intended). You can also look into ways of gratifying yourself more and differently and maybe look to include him in that. Sometimes, being an observer or participant in those kinds of things are very stimulating.
 
#32 · (Edited)
I don't mean to over-simplify this at all, but we men (even the LD-ish) ones, are pretty easy to manipulate sexually - are we not, guys?

For starters, make sure your man is, in fact, lower drive than you are, and not simply sexually passive. This is easy to confuse. If he is the latter, than you're in luck.

But basically speaking, just about all men will respond to the simplest of things - such as touching us, THERE.

It's genuinely easy to have sex with a man. We really don't require a whole lot to get us going. We tend to not require romance and kissing etc., nor do we generally have to be in the right frame of mind. It just requires a little bit of overt (and at times, obvious) action on your part.

So again, it's a generalization, I know, but it's pretty basic - if you want to have sex with your husband, you can have sex with your husband. Touch him, take his penis out, jump on top of him, play with it, put it in your mouth, whatever. He's not going to look at you weird for unzipping his fly and pulling it out and playing with it. Most men live for that kind of thing, and the important thing to remember, as a woman - is that we're not you. The majority of women do not respond to overt sexual contact such as that. But men DO.

We guys learn at an early age that men and women respond differently than each other, and that what works on us probably won't work on you, and vice versa. Teenage sex is often awkward because we guys are learning what makes you women tick. We usually DO start out by doing to you what works on us - ie. going straight for the good bits, or grabbing your boobs. Sticking my hand down my wife's (or really ANY woman's) pants will not get her going the same way if she were to do the same to me. Not sure why so many women haven't quite figured out that men don't require the same things as they do!

That's REALLY all there is to it.
 
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#35 ·
Sorry alexm but you are wrong! You guys all talk a good game about how y'all are easy and just want sex, ready to go at any time, but when push comes to shove you are all complex, respond differently, and have all sorts of emotions, beliefs, and baggage that you bring with you.

If a guy feels pressured into sex, he will often be turned off. I just read a post by a guy who said just that --even though he couldn't quite believe it. Sometimes if he feels like he isn't in control, same thing. Some guys need to feel like they are the aggressors and initiator or they lose interest. Some guys have massive hangups about sex and what women should or should not do.

I could be wrong, but my impression is that guys don't look too closely at their real motivations and responses. Or if they do, they don't admit to it because it hurts their man's man image.
 
#36 ·
There is a lot of variation. There is also a difference between "desired" and "pressured"

I do agree though that for most men and women do not respond well to being pressured for more sex than they naturally want.

For someone who is not currently getting all the sex that they want, the idea of an "aggressive" partner is very appealing. That makes it difficult to imagine being pressured, especially for someone who has never experienced it.
 
#37 ·
Ok boys and girls :)

I made my first attempt. Just a note, we both work from home. Within the last couple of days we had messed around and I made him cum with a HJ...so for him being LD this was extremely close together for me to try again, but I wanted to try nonetheless.

H got up extra early today and was working by 5:30 am. We missed our morning snuggle because of this. As I lay in bed, I wanted to play. I reflected back over the things I've learned here on TAM (thank you all!) and I decided to try being the aggressor.

I picked out a naughty outfit. Hopped in the shower, got all yummy smelling and shaved. I did my makeup, and put on my sexy outfit with a little robe over it, but left it open so he could see my cleavage and thigh high stockings,

I walked in his office and he said, "Whoa"...then he said "What are you doing?"

I hugged him, cupped his ass, then stood back and kissed him. I said, "I want you, come here".

My intent had been to try Doggie for the first time with him. That didn't happen. I got him hard but it was kinda coming and going, I knew if I tried to swap into a new postion I would lose him. I also laid on my back and took his hand and shoved it in my panties, and kept whispering naughty things to him and telling him what he was doing felt sooo good.

So my mind keeps going back to the doggie thing. So I tell him, I want you on your hands and knees. He complies and tells me "I have never done this before". I stroke his ass and balls then get out the astrogliide and start playing with his d!ck and ass. Ultimately, I have him in the doggie postion. He is just humping my hand instead if my vag, Plus he is getting some ass action from my baby finger, which he loves.

I could feel and hear he was close, but I didn't want to stop and change positions so I could get myself more involved. I wanted to make him cum...and he did.

Afterward he said "That was SO awesome, the best ever". And I am as happy as a Cheshire Cat.

Also, I have gained a little confidence on being aggressive. Next time I hope I can get things started, and get that beautiful meat stick in me. Overall whoo hoo!!!! Just wanted to share. Keep the advice coming.
 
#38 ·
Yay! Good work, Spicy.

Your next assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to remember that sexual aggression is not just about pleasing a man, but making sure that he understands that you must be pleased too.

You've shown you can get him into position --so keep this up, and don't be shy about picking positions that will work well for you too. Since encouragement seems to get him going, give him lots. Positive reinforcemenr, you know :wink2:

Good luck.
 
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