#5 If I really need her and she is not in the mood, then just enjoy it! She enjoys pleasing me, but at the same time if she is not in the mood she does not want me to get disappointed because she will not be able to get there with me. This can be a difficult thing to do for me because I get the most enjoyment of feeling her aroused, but at the same time I should not reject her simple desire to please me when I am extremely aroused.
I want to talk a moment about the dynamics of #5. Previously in my marriage one of my biggest complaints to my wife was that she would simply not even try to get herself in the mood if at first she did not feel into the moment. She would just tell me that she was NOT in the mood, push me away, and insist that the idea of us having sex was not going to happen. Sometimes in the past when this happened she would offer to just take care of me, but I would often decline and insist that it would be better to revisit the topic when she is more open to enjoying the moment together. This in turn resulted in a pattern of behavior on my part where I would be the one that would try too hard to get her in the mood, and continued attempts at this were not only counterproductive, but it kept adding to the list of things that made her feel inadequate.
So now for the first time in our sexual history ever since I can remember, I felt what it was to have an intimate moment that was definitely not an ideal moment for her and experience her give an honest effort to get herself in the mood for us to share the moment. Even though it did not happen for her and she eventually communicated to me during the middle of things that she was just not feeling it, I found it to be a meaningful experience to feel her trying. She also had enough confidence in me to know that once she told me that it was not going to happen that I would not get disappointed and that she could still enjoy focussing her efforts to please me, and that ended up being great.
I imagine many husbands would get their egos hurt by feeling like, well if I could not please my wife, well then is it because she does not love me or something. That would be how I would feel in the past and then I would begin trying every trick in the book to try and get her to enjoy it and force an orgasm to happen for her, to which I often actually could, but I don't think it was an enjoyable experience for her. So it has taken a lot of development on my behalf to understand that if it is not the right moment and she TRIES, that it is still OK, I'll back off my efforts of trying to please her and we can still really enjoy the moment together and really feel close.
The most awesome moment was that the next day we were talking and she apologized for having too many stressful thoughts in her mind about one of her work projects. She thanked me for being extremely supportive of her needs outside the bedroom and now that she was not as stressed out anymore that she was looking forwards to giving me a night to enjoy very soon (meaning she would be able to completely let herself go with me).
So I think it is very important for a partner to feel confident enough to admit that they can not get themselves into the moment and know that the relationship is loving enough that both of you can shift your focus and still enjoy the moment in other ways, even if that means just one partner pleasing the other. While that sounds simple, guys have to understand that the proverbial delicate male ego results in many wives simply faking an orgasm to get it over with. Many wives would likely feel much more loved if they could be honest when they are not into the moment AND still feel close enough to their husbands for both just to enjoy pleasing the one of you that is actually aroused.