I am a 38-year-old man, but now I just want to cry... - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

User Tag List

 4Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #1 of 16 (permalink) Old 10-31-2011, 10:40 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1
I am a 38-year-old man, but now I just want to cry...

My first post, and sorry for my poor English. I really wanna cry. I don't know what to do to solve my problems. I have been married for 7 years. My wife is a very good woman and she is almost 34. Before knowing my wife, I had a girlfriend and our relationship lasted 2 years. That girl was attractive and had a body shape which every man loved. And our sex was very great and I enjoyed that intimate relationship. However, our relationship didn't work out because of our personalities.

OK, then later I met my wife. She was a great woman. We got along very well. A few years later we got married. She is a devoted Christian. Before marriage, we didn't have sex. And her first time, of course, was after we got married. At first I found out that she wasn't "active" in the bed. It's just me kissing her and her body. She didn't get excited. She didn't have reaction. She was just lying down. The most she did was kissing my lips a little bit and hugging me. She had never watched porn, or sex magazines or anything. She never took initiative, not to mention oral sex. She didn't even have much juice. So I had a hard time trying to enter her body. OKOK...i did everything and she just laid down. In the first several years, it's like that. We had sex about 20 times in the first few years. Every time I used 10, 15 minutes trying to get into her body. It's alright as long as we finally had sex.

However, these few years, things have become worse. She is still the same. I seem not able to hold.. i mean I don't really get turned on. Even we are hugging naked, i cannot get hard. So we cannot have sex. I am not sure if it's my problem now. However, when I am watching porn, I can get hard and masturbate and eject normally. Should I take some medicine? Any solution?

I feel sad. I know my wife is a very good wife. She didn't have any sex abuse in childhood or anything. We both want a baby indeed. I do feel guilty to be honest. In my mind I sometimes compare her to my ex who was great in sex.
humbleman is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 16 (permalink) Old 10-31-2011, 10:52 PM
Member
 
Triumph's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 64
Re: I am a 38-year-old man, but now I just want to cry...

Considering how your wife is in the sack, Im not surprised with your problem. Id suggest trying to open her up to new things, and get some spice in the bedroom for both your and your little buddies sake.

“It's not because things are difficult that we do not dare;
It's because we do not dare that things are difficult.”
-Seneque
Triumph is offline  
post #3 of 16 (permalink) Old 10-31-2011, 11:54 PM
Member
 
tacoma's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 5,488
Re: I am a 38-year-old man, but now I just want to cry...

I'll never understand why people would get married before having sex/
Posted via Mobile Device
tacoma is offline  
post #4 of 16 (permalink) Old 11-01-2011, 12:57 AM
Member
 
that_girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Wherever I lay my head.
Posts: 10,223
Re: I am a 38-year-old man, but now I just want to cry...

Quote:
Originally Posted by tacoma View Post
I'll never understand why people would get married before having sex/
Posted via Mobile Device
Seriously.

Also, OP, get some lube. Some women simply don't make enough "juice". Depending on age and if she's had a child within the last few years, getting wet may be difficult. I cannot get very wet since my 2nd child...but that doesn't stop up. A little lube goes a long way.

She is Christian, so what was her childhood like? Was sex talked about as a "dirty duty" of a wife? Was she made to feel ashamed of her sexuality? These will all cause issues in adult life.


Real women don't want flowers and chocolate.
They want vodka and Taco Bell.
that_girl is offline  
post #5 of 16 (permalink) Old 11-01-2011, 05:06 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Merritt, BC
Posts: 213
My wife is the same way. She wasn't like that before marriage so having sex before marriage doesn't always catch it. So don't beat yourself up over it. My wife doesn't do oral anymore, I have to take her hand and stroke my penis, but she won't continue doing it, and she stays lying down. She has been on top once in 2 years. I know I need to take charge but when I try she refuses. I know it will have to come down to a blunt conservation.
Posted via Mobile Device
Hurra is offline  
post #6 of 16 (permalink) Old 11-01-2011, 07:28 AM
Member
 
Enchantment's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 2,344
Re: I am a 38-year-old man, but now I just want to cry...

I see this as a problem with a double-pronged approach. Since your wife is a devout Christian, the first prong is to appeal to her Christian side by really exploring what sexual intimacy within a marriage means according to God and to try and promote that understanding within her. With some study, she may actually end up being very surprised at what God has intended it to be. Here are some good resources for this.

I would recommend reading the entire series:

Sex and Intimacy - Focus on the Family

And for her:

Sex for the Clueless Bride

Amazon.com: Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage (9782913356559): Kevin Leman: Books

The next prong is to concentrate on technique. Work on trying to get her in the mood throughout the day by engaging her emotions through non-sexual affection and conversation.

The question of the ages: How can a husband receive the sex he needs in marriage? by Dr. Willard F. Harley, Jr.

Then, get thee some lube (KY jelly, astroglide, or coconut oil) and spend much more time on foreplay with her - body massage, gentle bathing, touching/stroking/kissing to try and arouse her. Look at working on your technique.

Amazon.com: how to make a woman orgasm: Books

Be encouraging with her. As her husband, you have a great role to play in being able to lead her and encourage her and create a trusting environment where she can feel safe to open up.

Best wishes.

Enter these enchanted woods, You who dare. ~ George Meredith

Last edited by Enchantment; 11-01-2011 at 07:39 AM.
Enchantment is offline  
post #7 of 16 (permalink) Old 11-17-2011, 03:15 PM
Member
 
Zzyzx's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Shangri La
Posts: 154
Re: I am a 38-year-old man, but now I just want to cry...

Diet can definitely affect male sexual performance. Part of sexual performance is being able to start and maintain the blood flow to the penis. Exercise can help. Supplements are OK but really have to begin with diet. Lots of literature searchable on the web, you may need to experiment to find what works for you. Generally takes time to see changes so be patient.

If you don't know me by now
You will never never never know me
Zzyzx is offline  
post #8 of 16 (permalink) Old 11-17-2011, 03:45 PM
Member
 
chillymorn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 4,701
Re: I am a 38-year-old man, but now I just want to cry...

Quote:
Originally Posted by tariq456 View Post
Talk to your wife about this matter why she did not compromise or enjoy sex . You face erection problem due to your wife less enjoying . 2nd thing your erection problem . Don't worry eat these things and no need to go to doctor .
Banana
Greps
and some green vegetables every day .
You will be fine may be in 15 days if you really have erection problem .
Now I know why the line in the produce was so long.
chillymorn is offline  
post #9 of 16 (permalink) Old 11-24-2011, 02:42 PM
Registered User
 
foxyone1986's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 5
Re: I am a 38-year-old man, but now I just want to cry...

Tayib... from a womans point of view:
She waas a virgin so of course she isnt knowing what to do also this can be why it was hard to enter her. As for the amount of wetness of her vagina, every woman is different some more wet than others. also you might want to try some foreplay with her, give her oral? or atleast play with her with your hands... give her some educational reading material about sex as well... dont be shy, she is your wife and you both need to educate yourselves and TALK about sex as well...

inshallah everything will work out for the best...
foxyone1986 is offline  
post #10 of 16 (permalink) Old 11-24-2011, 03:02 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 855
Re: I am a 38-year-old man, but now I just want to cry...

Quote:
Originally Posted by tacoma View Post
I'll never understand why people would get married before having sex/
Posted via Mobile Device
It is against some peoples' deeply held religous beliefs. I know I was taught all my childhood that it was sinful.

As for the poster's issure, if she will not talk about it and get help. you have to decide if you can do this, long term. If she is willing to try, then be patient.
Arnold is offline  
post #11 of 16 (permalink) Old 11-24-2011, 03:07 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 855
Re: I am a 38-year-old man, but now I just want to cry...

Quote:
Originally Posted by chillymorn View Post
Now I know why the line in the produce was so long.
Yes, particularly in the banana and cucumber section(of course it was mainly females there)
Arnold is offline  
post #12 of 16 (permalink) Old 12-16-2012, 04:44 PM
Registered User
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 1
Re: I am a 38-year-old man, but now I just want to cry...

Do you think perhaps she is a lesbian?
quiddity is offline  
post #13 of 16 (permalink) Old 12-16-2012, 04:57 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 422
Re: I am a 38-year-old man, but now I just want to cry...

It's been seven years.

If this was ever going to change it would have happened a few years ago.

Don't get her pregnant even if you can.

Make sure the sex is good before you get married again.
east2west is offline  
post #14 of 16 (permalink) Old 12-16-2012, 05:38 PM
Member
 
IndyTMI's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 624
Re: I am a 38-year-old man, but now I just want to cry...

I know exactly how you feel brother. You say you have no problem getting aroused by porn and can still crank them off by hand, so we know your working mechanically, I sort of had your issue after I realized my wife had no desire for me. I got such a resentment built up from her refusal to participate during sex, I almost left like I was doing a corpse and was not very arousing at all, I think it was my attempt to keep me from getting hurt yet another time.
After some counseling and reading a few books, we both realize each others needs in the marriage and if they are not met, divorce is not out of the question. So far for me, after reading and running the MAP, and fully communicating what the outcome might be, things are looking up.
IndyTMI is offline  
post #15 of 16 (permalink) Old 12-16-2012, 05:53 PM
Member
 
pidge70's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Missouri
Posts: 4,333
Re: I am a 38-year-old man, but now I just want to cry...

This thread is over a year old and OP never came back.
Posted via Mobile Device
pidge70 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
56 year old wife sexting 25 year old boy. firedog1 Coping with Infidelity 210 10-21-2013 09:47 AM
Recent DD for 70 year old affair, 99 year old BH files for divoce calif_hope Coping with Infidelity 8 12-30-2011 03:33 PM
24 year friendship, 12 year relationship, 4 year marriage - is it over? anonymousplease Considering Divorce or Separation 1 07-10-2011 02:09 AM
My 16 year old says she is jealous of her 10 year old sister.. lisa3girls The Family & Parenting Forums 13 06-09-2011 08:02 PM
3 year marriage - 2 year old child markm Considering Divorce or Separation 11 07-14-2010 02:29 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome