that_girl

If you didn't sign up for a life of "no sex" then the marriage is somewhat of a sham. People get married and assume sex will happen (whatever the frequency is). He said you'd have sex after marriage, which is not happening...so he broke the contract.

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uneven

He's never done it with me around before. The main thing I notice is dat he touches his penis whenever he's in his underwear and it pisses me off. I'm a full blown woman and I walk around naked in the house and don't even get as much as a glance from him. It makes me feel so ugly and unwanted.
@dat_girl, I don't regret waiting till marriage, just regret it's with someone that doesn't care about it.

@nice777guy, I told him about my divorce thoughts the first time about 6 months ago, he begged and promised to work on himself and our marriage. It came up 2 months ago and told me I can file if it'll make me happy.

He's also told me once that he sometimes wishes I've had sex before.
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that_girl

Name's "that girl"

Yea, I know you meant well for waiting til marriage, but it's been my experience in talking to many people who waited, that they have bad sex lives. Not all, but many.

Did you guys talk about sex before marriage? Like, how often you will want to do it weekly, what you like, fantasies, etc? Or about fetishes, personal habits (masturbation) etc?

Was he a virgin?

Is he gay?

I am being serious.

Sounds like he doesn't care about the marriage.

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luvenlife

there has to be something wrong with him has he checked with his doctor? sex is very important in long lasting relationship. you need to spice it up not just the same routine. divorce is tough try to work it out first. I am going thru the same thing with my wife, i tried romancing, helping around the house and kids but with no results.

nice777guy

Read a little closer - there is no routine to spice up.

Plus - just curious if your wife is also masturbating 4-5 times a day...???

If you "threatened" and his response was that he didn't care if you filed - I think he's already given you the answer.

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“Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity!" - Carlin

uneven

@luvenlife, nothing to spice up,sadly. Plus you have kids which means you and your wife had sex at some point. Well, I don't have that luxury, I'm still as tight as I was on my wedding day.

@That_girl, seems you've had some experience with couples with good and bad sex. Just curious, have you spoken with anyone that didn't have sex at all?
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luvenlife

In my case my wife as far as I know is not masturbating 4-5 times a day, unfortunately I am, I do not want to cheat on her and I have thought of divorce. No routine it sounds like he needs some medical help. and I agree if he does not care then you need to move forward. at the end it will be his lost.

luvenlife

Uneven, its hard to believe as a man that you being young and beautiful he does not give you the attention you deserve. move on in your life if he is not willing to love you as a woman than find somebody that will love you not only as partner in life but also as a WOMEN . its very important to not only have a great sexual relationship but also a good communication to survive this crazy world. Good luck and remember life is to short to let it go to waste.

nice777guy

I agree that he needs medical and/or psychological help.

With no kids - and only one year invested in the marriage - I would give him a very firm, straightforward ultimatum that he either seek out "help" (to be measured by at least one appointment attended) or you will begin the divorce process.

Keep in mind - if you talk to an attorney - if you "file" papers - you still have time to turn around and go back. And filing papers can sometimes be a last-minute wake-up call - but don't bet on it. Only do this if you are prepared to follow through.

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“Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity!" - Carlin

that_girl

Ever in the relationship? No. Most adults I know have had sex with their partner, either good or bad.

My close friend had lots of sex with her husband before marriage...now it's been almost a year and nothing. She's very unhappy and he won't talk about it.

I dated a man who wouldn't sleep with me for almost 10 months. We were ages 28 and 40 (I was 28)...that should have been my first red flag But he was nice...however, sex is part of my life.

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that_girl

I do agree with this as hard as it sounds.

I couldn't imagine living my life without sex. My older daughter's father wasn't into sex (with me ) and so I left. I didn't know he was screwing others until years later.

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FirstYearDown

He told you to file for divorce. What are you waiting for?

Your roommate clearly doesn't care about the marriage or a sex life. Why should you live like that?

uneven

I completely agree with you guys. I read somewhere that sex is the seal in marriage. I know he needs help and I'm willing to get it for him if he'll let me. Thing is, he hates discussing our issues with anyone,including me. That's why whenever we go for counselling he comes back home sulk for days.

Right now I'm tempted to ignore him and move on with my life. Saw my ex about 2 months ago and he looked good. We talked briefly and when he was about leaving I could have sworn I saw tears in his eyes. I felt sad throughout that week because I left a sexual man and someone that deeply cared for me and ended up with another sexual man(only that this one likes it with himself).

Recently in my workplace, if I get as much as a handshake or a lingering look from a guy, I get turned on. It's so embarrasing and I just hope they don't notice. It takes me time to cool down and get back to work and it's all because I aint getting none at home. In hubby's defence I have to say he's been putting in some efforts at home,helping to clean up, providing financially,taking me out on informal dates etc but no sex. I've gone oral on him and I think he loves it,but he's never made an attempt to go down on me. He plays a lot of games on the computer too,LOTS.

Contemplating telling my parents before proceeding with the divorce, what do you think?
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PBear

What a minute! Why are you giving him oral sex if he's not stepping up to the plate?

The other thing I wanted to say is that you can't get help for him. He has to want to fix his part of it. If he's not willing to, your choices are accept it or leave. Or cheat, I guess, but that's not a path I'd recommend.

C
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uneven

I'm not saying I want to get back with the ex or anyone else right now, but I miss the feeling of being cherished and wanted. I've always been a 'toucher' growing up, I touch a lot and I love to be touched. To think I ended up with a non-toucher amazes even me. At a point we both read the book 5 love languages together, when I told him I'm for quality time and physical touch, he looked at me weird. Seems he's never heared of a female having physical touch as a main language, like it's reserved for the guys. This whole thing sucks right now.
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