uneven

Wow! Brendan,never heard of someone in the same situation as mine. He doesn't have depression though. Wat made u decide to stick with her and how long are you willing to?
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brendan

because im happy and want a life partner. only thing not happy with which is a huge issue i know is the NO sex.

We dont fight about other niggly things but we have a good life, but yeah i need sex with her.

Im willing to give it another year to see improvement, not asking for every night just occasional as i know we have different sex drives. Next week on our counselling its all about sex for one hour looking forward to it. One of her issues is she has images about her birth and andything to do with sex and is traumastised because we had a bad birth.

good luck

uneven

I'm sorry about her condition, and I really admire you for sticking with her. I wish I have the strength to do the same with my husband but his own condition, to a large extent, is within his control. I know it's hard giving up an addictive habit as masturbating, but efforts at getting help earlier would have counted and indicated commitment.

He's seeing the sex therapist again today, I pray he makes progress(for his own sake).
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4821

You should have your marriage annualed.

uneven

So he came home from therapy yesterday looking sober. Asked him how it went and all he said was he should have started it earlier. I'm just trying to be careful here, because everything in me is screaming manipulation. He's given me that sober act so many times, I know how it works. He went in early to sleep without even playing one game on the computer. Hmmmmm. Don't know what he was doing behind closed doors though, and I really wasn't in the mood to find out.
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DODGE22

uneven,
I feel for you. Sex is such an important part of marriage, and really distinguishes your relationship between that of a good friend. It's more of an emotional thing than physical thing to me. That said, does he have emotional issues? ED possibly? I would seriously consider MindfulCoach's suggestion that he may be gay as well. I'm not an advocate of divorce, but I would say there are situations where it is a healthy alternative. I would try one last ditch. A few bottles of wine, some very sexy clothing, and lose any inhabitions for one night with your guy. See if you can relax him enough to make all of his insecurities disappear for an evening. If that doesn't work.... I don't know. Good luck! Let me know how it goes!

uneven

No,he's not gay. As for emotional issues, I can't really say much about that,he hardly shows any emotion. I know he could be very moody and he keeps to himself a lot. When I asked him about that he said he got used to playing all by himself when growing up, he has four sisters. He doesn't have much of a social life,never partied and I'm the second girl he's ever been with.

You suggested a sexy evening, well, I tried that once. Candle lit dinner,sexy lingerie, good food and wine with promise of good sex if he was game. He came in and laughed,asked why I went through all that trouble with candles that didn't smell quite right. Needless to say, sex didn't happen and I never attempted it again.
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that_girl

So sad. It really takes the wind out of our sails when people cut us down like that

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uneven

Yes it hurts. I don't think he even noticed the efforts. All he wanted to do was eat and then play a couple of games on the computer, and maybe pleasure himself afterwards. I was fast asleep when he came in to sleep, I'd cried myself to sleep.

It was about 3/4 months into the marriage and I was getting anxious we had not had sex.
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puggy

Hi,

I have a similar situation. We never had any sex before marriage because we agreed in waiting till we got married. We got married four months ago and we never had sex, not even the first night. After a week that we got married he tried to penetrate me, of course I was too tight and he just didn't bother to try again. We have somehow some contact now and then but no penetration at all.

uneven

@Puggy, does he masturbate too or is he scared because he's causing you pain? Have you guys gone for MC? I think you should put more efforts into it now, at four months I didn't think it was going to drag till 11 months. What are your plans?
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Almostrecovered

that's common for a first time, especially if you still have your hymen, but it will get looser with time and become more pleasurable- use plenty of lube

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puggy

I don't think he masturbates because when he is at home, he is with me all the time and when he's not he's out, I know where he is and can't imagine he finds time to masturbate knowing his working environment. I know he is afraid of hurting me but he has no libido either. Sometimes I sort of tell him to come in the shower with me or things like that but he is always refusing and always coming with the story of being afraid to get me pregnant. In my opinion this is just an excuse because he is not even thinking about sex. When he is in the mood I masturbate him but he doesn't even touches me, it's like I have to give him pleasure. Sometimes he gets his finger in my vagina and that turns me on but it only lasts a few seconds and he is out again. During that time I beg him to penetrate me and I am sure during that time I am enough wide to get him in but he is always repeating 'it s too risky'. We bought a box of condoms which he says he is not feeling a thing when he is wearing a condom so he get stressed when I ask him to put one on. I suggested another brand which claim to permit the male to have more sensitivity during sex but he is always saying he would go and buy a box but never does and I am very discomforted in buying it myself, I am afraid of doing this step, don't know what his reaction would be and for once, I want to be begged fro sex by him. When we started our relationship 5 years ago, we masturbated so much and he did some things to me that made me go crazy. But then after a couple of months, that started to be more and more rare. During that time I thought it was because we had no house where to be private but now.......we are all alone all the time and no reaction from him. I used to do a lot of part time jobs before we got married and he watched a lot of porn because I found videos on his computer. Now we share the same computer, I never found anoything but pretty sure he watches sometimes.

uneven

Same with me. We bought condoms during our honeymoon but he's never even tried using it,yours did. Until I got married, I thought men with low/no libido were very very rare. I've read a lot of threads about that in this forum and it's an eye opener. I'm thinking porn is affecting a lot of marriages, it works for some, and it distracts some.

I know men have egos and are especially sensitive about sex and their ability to satisfy their partner which is okay. My question is why do they stay in denial for so long and drag women into their issues. I think my husband thinks it's okay to stay in a sexless marriage as a proof of love, commitment and a deeper level of bonding. Well, I'm not from that school of thought. I wake up angry some days that he kept a lot of things from me before the marriage, other days I'm just angry because I feel stuck. One lesson I learnt though, is never to just stay there and expect things to work out one day, the little efforts will lead to big steps in a shorter time.

No more rut for me.
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puggy

I guess lots of talking and understanding can lead to somewhere. I made an appointment with a family counselor, I will tell him about this and explain to him that this is important for me. For sure he will come to the counseling, not quite sure he will make things happen. Keep in touch