I love my husband, but not the sex
I've been concerned and have been feeling incredibly bad lately about my lack of interest in sex. I'm 32 and have been married for just a year now. Generally, I think my husband and I have a good, solid marriage. We get along and can have a nice time together. He's very smart, responsible, clean, empathetic, good listener, loyal and the list could go on. I knew when we first started dating that our personalities were quite different - me being creative, spontaneous, messy, curious and him being anxious, neat, regimented, and scientific. We've had many a conversation during our dating years where we almost ended it all (and did once for several months).
What drew me to him was his ability to empathize, show concern, nurture, protect, reliability and that he understood my strange sense of humor. From the get-go, we didn't have crazy passionate sex. I honestly wasn't very attracted to him physically. He's an attractive man, but he wasn't my "type". He's of average build and height and often lacks confidence - he's very human and I was able to move past the physical. I certainly don't want to be with a man who would only want to be with me if I was "perfect".
We eventually did strike a good balance with our sex life. I've always been a woman that had no trouble reaching orgasm and via intercourse. I seemed to want sex much more than him. I wanted to have sex pretty much every day. In my past, I was fairly open about experimenting with sex. I really don't know how many partners I've had, but I've had a serious relationship twice before I got married. So, I'm experienced and that experience brought me to have an appreciation for committed sex with somebody I love.
For the past few months, I've lost interest in sex...with my husband. He's incredibly sweet - always giving me hugs and kisses, looking to hold me and needs to fall asleep next to me at night. However, when he tries to have sex at night in bed (which is the routine place to have sex lately) I can't seem to enjoy even kissing him. It's so emotionally painful to have sex and feel that I have to zone out and visualize a fantasy in order to enjoy it. I don't feel the "closeness" that I used to feel during sex.
My sex drive isn't altogether gone. I still have fantasies and masturbate. At first I tried stopping masturbating and saving any built up sexual tension for him, but when we go to actually have sex it would disappear. Also, I'd like to share that I was always more sexually adventurous than him. I used to wear lingerie, dance around nude, Orally please him while in the car...I even spent $700 to do a boudoir photo shoot so he could have erotic pics of me.
We've been planning to have a baby in the next year and I've not been on birth control for about 6-7 months. No surprise, I'm not pregnant. I have no drive to even try even though I want a baby. I feel so hurt by this. When I look at him I feel a deep stab of pain in my heart because I want to give him the love he'd like from me.
I've told a therapist and she suggested we talk about spicing things up or discuss our fantasies. I don't feel that this will work. I don't know what to do.
Last edited by alaska84; 07-15-2016 at 06:11 PM.