Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
I do have an open mind about porn, as I was in one. I saw exactly what goes on and yes, most are strung out. I think many women have an issue with porn because they DO see it as degrading, one sided, humiliating and taking advantage of those who have previous sexual abuse, physical abuse and deep issues. Men I guess can compartmentalize better on this or perhaps they lack empathy more.
If a woman isn't having sex with you, maybe instead of turning to porn you might consider figuring out why she is so turned off. Barring medical issues, no woman just "stops" wanting sex. In fact, I have never met a single one. They don't want sex with their husbands but they sure would with their co-worker, neighbor, etc.
I respect that you where in one and had a bad experience clearly and I will not be changing your mind. The women have a choice in porn the same as men, there are also testing and regulations involved with professional porn.
BTW, I am coming from this perspective as a women, I have been with my husband for 11 years and we have sex usually 4 times or more a week. If I go away for a week to spend time with family and he cannot come I would not expect him to sit at home and not masturbate. I do not look at him viewing porn and masturbating when I am not there in a negative manner.
That's a good questions actually for the women, do you look at your husband masturbating without porn as bad as well? are you okay with him masturbating and possibly thinking of a threesome while doing it as cheating on you?
I respect that you where in one and had a bad experience clearly and I will not be changing your mind. The women have a choice in porn the same as men, there are also testing and regulations involved with professional porn.
BTW, I am coming from this perspective as a women, I have been with my husband for 11 years and we have sex usually 4 times or more a week. If I go away for a week to spend time with family and he cannot come I would not expect him to sit at home and not masturbate. I do not look at him viewing porn and masturbating when I am not there in a negative manner.
That's a good questions actually for the women, do you look at your husband masturbating without porn as bad as well? are you okay with him masturbating and possibly thinking of a threesome while doing it as cheating on you?
I have no issue with masturbation at all. I do it, he does it, it's normal.
I certainly wouldn't be cool with him thinking of having sex with someone else while we are having sex. If he wants that, leave me and I will find someone who actually wants just me.
That's a good questions actually for the women, do you look at your husband masturbating without porn as bad as well? are you okay with him masturbating and possibly thinking of a threesome while doing it as cheating on you?
I only find masturbating to be a problem when its done more than we get physical with eachother. I am a very willing partner so for my H to be masturbating 28x more a week than we were having sex was a huge deal to me.
As for what he is thinking about while he is doing it he can think about what he wants I can not control that at all nor do I plan on trying. As long as he doesnt turn those thoughts into actions.
I know that if he ever did think about another woman during sex with me and he told me yeah I would probably flip out. He is having sex with me not them so to be thinking of them during an intimate moment like that would crush me.
IF a wife isn't having sex with her husband, then I'd say she doesn't get to make the call about how he gets off. Either she figures it out, or THEY work it together, or she leaves him alone to do what he wants.
SOMETIMES the spouse who isn't having sex also isn't interested in working on having more sex. Male or female... which leaves the other feeling rejected/abandoned.
Porn is fantasy... so is erotic literature... so is masturbating to thoughts of celebrities.... Fantasizing is a good thing.
His friends tease him because once they went to a strip club (before he met me) and he spent the whole time in the arcade.
Sorry but this has really made me crack up. The strip club actually had an arcade??!! I've been to quite a few strip clubs, some are great and some are awful but I've never seen one so bad that they had to put in an arcade to entertain the men. That is really hilarious.
I see a lot of women get bashed because they do not like porn. I think thats wrong because that is their right. Just as it is a mans right to watch it if he wants.
To bad so many people are not upfront with their spouses from the beginning, before they marry. A woman needs to tell the person she is dating, "I'm not into porn, I don't like it, if you do, lets go our separate ways now." Same for a man. "I like to watch porn from time to time, it has nothing to do with how I feel about you but you may see it like that. So if you have an issue with me watching porn sometimes, tell me now so we can go our separate ways."
And yes, there are people who are upfront, and a woman will tell the man shes seeing she doesn't like it, and he will will lie and say he doesn't either, then start watching it during the marriage. Then the marriage should come to an end based on the lie.
Bottom line, to many people are probably with the wrong person either based on a lie or based on the fact someone doesn't like something.
Just my 2 cents.
I was up front with my h about how i felt about porn... Did that stop him hell no... He knew how i felt about it from the beggining, so its not like he had no idea. he told me he didn't "need" it.. He is a big fat liar.
IF a wife isn't having sex with her husband, then I'd say she doesn't get to make the call about how he gets off. Either she figures it out, or THEY work it together, or she leaves him alone to do what he wants.
SOMETIMES the spouse who isn't having sex also isn't interested in working on having more sex. Male or female... which leaves the other feeling rejected/abandoned.
I do agree (bolded).. However what if the wife wants sex all the time and her husband choose porn over having sex with his wife. Maybe I'm missing something.
Porn is fantasy... so is erotic literature... so is masturbating to thoughts of celebrities.... Fantasizing is a good thing.
Sorry but this has really made me crack up. The strip club actually had an arcade??!! I've been to quite a few strip clubs, some are great and some are awful but I've never seen one so bad that they had to put in an arcade to entertain the men. That is really hilarious.
I guess so His friends will never let him live it down. Knowing them, it was a real classy place /sarcasm.
I do agree (bolded).. However what if the wife wants sex all the time and her husband choose porn over having sex with his wife. Maybe I'm missing something.
Btdt ladybird..... For me, it WAS a huge, never-ending rejection that ended in a pretty simple divorce (no big heartbreak after 23 years of rejections!). Yes, he has issues if the spouse wants sex and he is ignoring those wants.... I don't get it either, but I understand where you are coming from!
Sorry but this has really made me crack up. The strip club actually had an arcade??!! I've been to quite a few strip clubs, some are great and some are awful but I've never seen one so bad that they had to put in an arcade to entertain the men. That is really hilarious.
You have obviously never been to the 12 o' clock show on a monday afternoon.
It's probably naive to think he doesn't look at it when I'm not around. But, as much sex as he gets from ME, I'm not too worried about him ever getting "hooked" on it.
Why would it make you naive to assume that?
If you and he decide it isn't for you, then it isn't going to be looked at. I don't know...however, I guess if you two use it together, then he would be ok using it apart.
I don't think I'm naive for thinking he doesn't look at it when I'm not around. lol. I trust that he isn't into it, like he said.
Re: Porn - Not the end of life 
