How often do you desire oral sex / how often do you get it? - Page 9 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #121 of 160 (permalink) Old 10-04-2016, 05:56 PM
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Re: How often do you desire oral sex / how often do you get it?

I want it maybe 3 - 4 times per week. I get it maybe once a month.
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post #122 of 160 (permalink) Old 10-04-2016, 07:14 PM
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Re: How often do you desire oral sex / how often do you get it?

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I asked by wife for her opinion re asking. Her response "Of course you should ask, how else am I supposed to know you want a blowjob?"



Same for me with the roles reversed.


So much yes to this.



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post #123 of 160 (permalink) Old 10-05-2016, 04:24 PM
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Re: How often do you desire oral sex / how often do you get it?

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I would recommend avoiding marriage to people who "don't believe" in NSA oral.

It's not the sex (although that matters), it's a measure of how much your partner cares about your happiness. Even if "there's nothing in it for them".
Thanks for the advice... 40 years too late.
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post #124 of 160 (permalink) Old 10-05-2016, 07:24 PM
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Re: How often do you desire oral sex / how often do you get it?

From reading and personal experience, I think someone's enjoyment of performing oral is a good measure of their overall enthusiasm for sex. In the next life I'll look for someone who thinks giving a BJ is a fun thing to do, just for the enjoyment of her partner's reaction.

Anyone ever run into someone who didn't enjoy performing oral, but was otherwise an enthusiastic lover?


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Originally Posted by Buddy400 View Post
I would recommend avoiding marriage to people who "don't believe" in NSA oral.

It's not the sex (although that matters), it's a measure of how much your partner cares about your happiness. Even if "there's nothing in it for them".
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post #125 of 160 (permalink) Old 10-05-2016, 09:30 PM
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Re: How often do you desire oral sex / how often do you get it?

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I asked by wife for her opinion re asking. Her response "Of course you should ask, how else am I supposed to know you want a blowjob?"

Same for me with the roles reversed.
mmm....wot?!
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post #126 of 160 (permalink) Old 10-05-2016, 09:32 PM
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Re: How often do you desire oral sex / how often do you get it?

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Any tips on not gagging when h ejaculates? I have to have him use a condom during a bj. I immediately gag when I taste his stuff, so I don't anymore.
Diet is a huge factor.
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post #127 of 160 (permalink) Old 10-05-2016, 09:37 PM
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Re: How often do you desire oral sex / how often do you get it?

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It is beyond me how a woman could be grossed out by oral sex - giving or especially receiving.

Now, a stinky Peter is no ones friend. I'd prefer that my husband has at least not spent the last 4 hours sweating into his boxer shorts before I visit, but other than that, I LOVE giving him head!
Making sure he uses hair conditioner on his pubes thoroughly when he showers/bathes goes a long way to reducing the strength of the musky odour from his scent glands.
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post #128 of 160 (permalink) Old 10-05-2016, 09:43 PM
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Re: How often do you desire oral sex / how often do you get it?

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What she's done sounds quite unfair. A bait and switch really, but don't tell her that. You should consider EMDR therapy for her to get past those hangups.
You first part true but your second part borders on rape.

The bait and switch was a lie, and really sucks (if you excuse the pun).

But it's not for others to decide she is _damaged_ and "needs therapy" to deliver what _he_ wants.
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post #129 of 160 (permalink) Old 10-06-2016, 11:01 AM
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Re: How often do you desire oral sex / how often do you get it?

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From reading and personal experience, I think someone's enjoyment of performing oral is a good measure of their overall enthusiasm for sex. In the next life I'll look for someone who thinks giving a BJ is a fun thing to do, just for the enjoyment of her partner's reaction.

Anyone ever run into someone who didn't enjoy performing oral, but was otherwise an enthusiastic lover?
Someone's overall enthusiasm for sex can wax and wane over time and changing conditions.

Their interest in your happiness is likely to be more constant.

Also, if you're looking for someone who gives you a BJ because "it's a fun thing to do", what's keeping her from blowing the UPS guy?
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post #130 of 160 (permalink) Old 10-06-2016, 11:03 AM
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Re: How often do you desire oral sex / how often do you get it?

Agree.
One frustration though for relationships with people with limited sexual interests is that those people often view their feelings as completely normal and have no desire to change. That is fine in the sense that no one should be pressured into sexual activities that they don't want, but it means often things don't change.

My wife views BJs as abusive and not something that "normal" people do.





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Originally Posted by spotthedeaddog View Post
You first part true but your second part borders on rape.

The bait and switch was a lie, and really sucks (if you excuse the pun).

But it's not for others to decide she is _damaged_ and "needs therapy" to deliver what _he_ wants.
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post #131 of 160 (permalink) Old 10-06-2016, 01:19 PM
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Re: How often do you desire oral sex / how often do you get it?

@uhtred how does she feel about you giving her oral sex?

If you gave her oral sex till she orgasmed and then she gave you, would she still think it was abusive to anyone?

My magic wand would remove shame from sexuality for all! Anon Pink
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post #132 of 160 (permalink) Old 10-06-2016, 02:06 PM
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Re: How often do you desire oral sex / how often do you get it?

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Originally Posted by Buddy400 View Post
I would recommend avoiding marriage to people who "don't believe" in NSA oral.

It's not the sex (although that matters), it's a measure of how much your partner cares about your happiness. Even if "there's nothing in it for them".
I don't like NSA sex. It seems unnecessary to prove you care by providing unreciprocated orgasms and endure sexual frustration to the person who says they love.

A measure of how much you care about your partners happiness is the depth of empathy you feel for them. If you know that they don't like NSA sex then out of love, you would not want it either. I don't expect NSA oral from my husband, he couldn't do it. He is always ready to go and I could not bear to leave him frustrated.

When I have sex, we both get something out of it. I don't give bj cold unless I am in the mood and I decide when. We have as many oral sex sessions as he wants but I have had more than one orgasm beforehand. I didn't set the tone for our sex life, my husband did that from the very first.

I don't know why women are expected to perform sex acts sans arousal and then deal personally with any subsequent sexual arousal. It is so easy for the man to give his wife an orgasm first and then get a bj. Why approach her when he is aroused and she is not?

Women should not marry men who expect NSA sex, it's a red flag. If he is self absorbed in one area, he will be in others. Only marry men who enjoy mutually satisfying sex. If he accepts with grace a stand alone bj when you are in the mood and does not feel entitled then he is a keeper.

If he expects service 2 - 3 times a week, run and don't look back. You will not be up to the superhuman task of decades of NSA bj several times a week just to show him how much more you care about his pleasure than you do your own.

Moreover, you won't be able to endure living day to day with an angry man who feels entitled to a superwoman but married you, a simple human woman.

My magic wand would remove shame from sexuality for all! Anon Pink

Last edited by Catherine602; 10-06-2016 at 02:15 PM.
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post #133 of 160 (permalink) Old 10-06-2016, 02:30 PM
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Re: How often do you desire oral sex / how often do you get it?

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I don't like NSA sex. It seems unnecessary to prove you care by providing unreciprocated orgasms and endure sexual frustration to the person who says they love.

A measure of how much you care about your partners happiness is the depth of empathy you feel for them. If you know that they don't like NSA sex then out of love, you would not want it either. I don't expect NSA oral from my husband, he couldn't do it. He is always ready to go and I could not bear to leave him frustrated.

When I have sex, we both get something out of it. I don't give bj cold unless I am in the mood and I decide when. We have as many oral sex sessions as he wants but I have had more than one orgasm beforehand. I didn't set the tone for our sex life, my husband did that from the very first.

I don't know why women are expected to perform sex acts sans arousal and then deal personally with any subsequent sexual arousal. It is so easy for the man to give his wife an orgasm first and then get a bj. Why approach her when he is aroused and she is not?

Women should not marry men who expect NSA sex, it's a red flag. If he is self absorbed in one area, he will be in others. Only marry men who enjoy mutually satisfying sex. If he accepts with grace a stand alone bj when you are in the mood and does not feel entitled then he is a keeper.

If he expects service 2 - 3 times a week, run and don't look back. You will not be up to the superhuman task of decades of NSA bj several times a week just to show him how much more you care about his pleasure than you do your own.

Moreover, you won't be able to endure living day to day with an angry man who feels entitled to a superwoman but married you, a simple human woman.
An occasional NSA bj does not equal expectation of being serviced 2-3 times per week. I'd agree that's pretty selfish to expect of someone, but to put a blanket ban on all NSA contact also seems excessive.

I do agree that sexual experiences should balance out between two partners on the whole, but the occasional NSA bj or chowdown isn't going to throw the whole thing off kilter.

Darling it's better down where it's wetter, take it from me! --- Sebastian
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post #134 of 160 (permalink) Old 10-06-2016, 04:21 PM
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Re: How often do you desire oral sex / how often do you get it?

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Originally Posted by Catherine602 View Post
I don't like NSA sex. It seems unnecessary to prove you care by providing unreciprocated orgasms and endure sexual frustration to the person who says they love.

A measure of how much you care about your partners happiness is the depth of empathy you feel for them. If you know that they don't like NSA sex then out of love, you would not want it either. I don't expect NSA oral from my husband, he couldn't do it. He is always ready to go and I could not bear to leave him frustrated.

When I have sex, we both get something out of it. I don't give bj cold unless I am in the mood and I decide when. We have as many oral sex sessions as he wants but I have had more than one orgasm beforehand. I didn't set the tone for our sex life, my husband did that from the very first.

I don't know why women are expected to perform sex acts sans arousal and then deal personally with any subsequent sexual arousal. It is so easy for the man to give his wife an orgasm first and then get a bj. Why approach her when he is aroused and she is not?

Women should not marry men who expect NSA sex, it's a red flag. If he is self absorbed in one area, he will be in others. Only marry men who enjoy mutually satisfying sex. If he accepts with grace a stand alone bj when you are in the mood and does not feel entitled then he is a keeper.

If he expects service 2 - 3 times a week, run and don't look back. You will not be up to the superhuman task of decades of NSA bj several times a week just to show him how much more you care about his pleasure than you do your own.

Moreover, you won't be able to endure living day to day with an angry man who feels entitled to a superwoman but married you, a simple human woman.
My wife likes to go to a certain seaside town and walk and shop all day. This is something I absolutely hate.

BUT... because she likes it and I like her to have a good time I dutifully follow her store to store, sit in various "men pens" waiting for her and carry her bags for her. Then we'll eat at the restaurant of her choice and then call it a day.

We do things for others because we love them. My wife's needs to get out to that town and have a good time is foreign to me but I realize she likes it. I realize that some women don't realize what a guy's sexual needs are like but many do and are willing to do NSA oral sex because their husbands enjoy it.
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post #135 of 160 (permalink) Old 10-06-2016, 04:32 PM
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Re: How often do you desire oral sex / how often do you get it?

@Fozzy

It is interesting that you post this to me and not to the scores of posters who actually expect to be serviced 2 - 3 times a week. Then you accuse ME of selfishness. If you wonder why women are silent about sex just read what I posted and then read the response here. My post was an attempt to share what worked for me and my husband. That is the point of the discussion, no?

Men in sex starved marriages write that they will do anything to please their wives and cannot not understand why their wives don't feel the same. They lament the lack of communication about sex. Maybe they don't want to hear what their wives really feel but how they want their wives to feel.

I have posted this way of having oral sex many times - no bj from a cold start, have sex with an aroused partner, always try to satisfy your partner, and she gets hers first and then he gets his (bj). I have never gotten a direct comment about it.

I've gotten comments from men and woman who practice oral sex this way. @Fozzy tangential accusation of my selfishness is interesting in that it is the most common comment that I receive when I post this. The other common one is that I hate men or that I'm a ball buster or feminist.

I am guilty of one thing, I like sex and orgasms and I am not willing to give too much up. When I do sacrifice, it is at a rate and time that is not too frustrating for me and insures that I don't lose interest in having sex. That is an individual thing for each couple to decide.

No one is selfish for wanting what they want although they may be selfish if they expect to get a great deal more than they are willing to give. I am not writing that I expect my husband to wake me up with NSA oral sex 2 or 3 times a week. I just want to have orgasms when I have sex and not be left sexually frustrated.

It should not be too difficult for men who would do anything to please their wives or for men who welcome communication about sex from women including their wives. So why the silence and why the censure?

My magic wand would remove shame from sexuality for all! Anon Pink
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