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groping your wife

39K views 293 replies 67 participants last post by  anonmd 
#1 ·
How much groping is too much? I see flesh and I can't help it. Nice legs when she wears shorts, her lower back when her shirt rises, her open shoulders, her neck, and so on. I would think it is normal to touch your wife. She disagrees. How does it work for your marriage? Should it be saved mainly for the bedroom, hands/lips off otherwise?
 
#2 ·
I suppose it is whatever she feels comfortable with. In your case, none.

Are you sure it isn't how you do it?

Try kissing on her neck and at the same time a very gentle squeeze. Perhaps she wants it to feel more intimate?

Personally my wife loves the attention and very little is off limits, just not obvious in public which I assume you wouldn't be silly enough to do.
 
#143 ·
I suppose it is whatever she feels comfortable with. In your case, none.

Are you sure it isn't how you do it?

Try kissing on her neck and at the same time a very gentle squeeze. Perhaps she wants it to feel more intimate?

Personally my wife loves the attention and very little is off limits, just not obvious in public which I assume you wouldn't be silly enough to do.
Kiss the nape of the neck first before proceeding!

Otherwise, if you grope first, you'll likely run the serious risk of having to later extricate your forcefully embedded head out of your anal cavity!

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#5 ·
Lucky Mrs. bilbag.

Nothing overt in public; don't make other people uncomfortable being around you. I'm sure you've heard the "get a room" sentiment.

One thing I never liked was wanting his arms around me and a nice snuggle, and within 15 seconds one of my nipples was being pinched and two fingers were searching around in my undies.

That happened a lot when we were first together; and it wasn't much fun. Sometimes women do just want to be held for a couple of minutes.
 
#6 ·
I'm not okay with anything that seems to convey the sentiment that I'm a tire the alpha dog is peeing on to mark his territory. My ex-husband was pretty bad about that. He once licked my chest - cleavage to earlobe - with the flat of his tongue, in full view of several of my family members at a holiday gathering. It wasn't affectionate or loving, it was a show of dominance that seemed intended to embarrass and humiliate me in a situation where I was basically powerless to do anything about it without causing even more of a scene. So, yeah, stay away from doing stuff like that.

Otherwise, a little fun, flirty, playful groping is just fine. If it's not okay with your wife, OP, then scale it way back to something she is comfortable with. At the same time, it would probably be a good idea to take an honest inventory of the relationship as a whole. Many women dislike being touched in those ways if the relationship isn't good. If she doesn't feel emotionally intimate with you, she's less likely to be interested in sexual groping - or sex, for that matter. So it might be past time for a calm, honest, conversation about whether or not each of you is getting your needs met within the relationship. The book His Needs, Her Needs by Willard Harley might be helpful to both of you in sorting out each of your needs and helping you learn to meet them for one another.
 
#10 ·
I'm not okay with anything that seems to convey the sentiment that I'm a tire the alpha dog is peeing on to mark his territory. My ex-husband was pretty bad about that. He once licked my chest - cleavage to earlobe - with the flat of his tongue, in full view of several of my family members at a holiday gathering. It wasn't affectionate or loving, it was a show of dominance that seemed intended to embarrass and humiliate me in a situation where I was basically powerless to do anything about it without causing even more of a scene. So, yeah, stay away from doing stuff like that.

Otherwise, a little fun, flirty, playful groping is just fine. If it's not okay with your wife, OP, then scale it way back to something she is comfortable with. At the same time, it would probably be a good idea to take an honest inventory of the relationship as a whole. Many women dislike being touched in those ways if the relationship isn't good. If she doesn't feel emotionally intimate with you, she's less likely to be interested in sexual groping - or sex, for that matter. So it might be past time for a calm, honest, conversation about whether or not each of you is getting your needs met within the relationship. The book His Needs, Her Needs by Willard Harley might be helpful to both of you in sorting out each of your needs and helping you learn to meet them for one another.


This exactly! Particularly the bolded, which may be why your affectionate touching feels like groping to your wife.

It doesn't matter what any other woman would be comfortable with. The only thing that matters is how your wife *percieves* your affection.
And this seems to be a nuance men might not be aware of resulting in confusion.
 
#7 ·
If it feels like groping to her, then the correct amount is zero. No matter how much she turns you on. You want her to see it as a compliment. That is not how she actually sees it. Too bad for you. Stop trying to convince her to see it your way. You will never succeed and you will only create bad feelings on her side. Not what you claim to want.

Find ways of expressing your desire that work for HER. If you can't, then keep your horniness and turned-on-ness to yourself.

You need to find ways to get her to want you to touch her. Because it feels good. Because she wants reassurance that you are still into her. If you constantly scurry between her feet and yap at her and try to hump her leg, she will become annoyed with you. She won't welcome your touch, she will shrink form it. And she won't need any reassurance that you are still into her, because you don't give her any time to forget your latest relentless reminder.

My advice: back off.
 
#8 ·
Groping? None. Fondling? Lots!!! It goes both ways. If I'm not touching/fondling her, she'd think something is wrong - and vice versa. We do tone it down in public, of course!
 
#11 ·
How much groping is too much? I see flesh and I can't help it. Nice legs when she wears shorts, her lower back when her shirt rises, her open shoulders, her neck, and so on. I would think it is normal to touch your wife. She disagrees. How does it work for your marriage? Should it be saved mainly for the bedroom, hands/lips off otherwise?
My wife is the exact same way, and you do have to be careful as this is a strong indication that she feels like you care more about her as a sex object than a person.

Nonetheless, I grope my wife ALL THE TIME! But instead of her getting upset, I usually try to make sure I get a good smile and laugh out of her. If she complains, I take this as an opportunity to compliment her beauty and say that the dark magical love spell she put on me in college, well that she must have used one that was way too strong and that is NOT my fault! I then pretend to get upset and tell her to not make her boobies so darn beautiful and that I need her to be my friend and NOT just someone who keeps slamming her boobs right all up in my face every time I try to have a civilized conversation her. I then say, "stop it" and then let out a big upset sigh and say, "now I've got an erection, you know that makes my day hard on me!" ....at this point she will push me away AND flash me at the same time!

If you are going to do it, be super playful about it, and STOP if she is getting upset. Cause that means you are being annoying instead of funny. Buy her some flowers and include a card. Write on the card,

I love you and got you these flowers so that you will let me grab your butt! Unfortunately I could not wait to grab your butt and that part is out of the way, so these are now just for the "I love you" part!
Cheers,
Badsanta
 
#12 ·
How much groping is too much? I see flesh and I can't help it.
Umm...yes, you can! You probably wouldn't grope her in front of your boss. And you probably wouldn't grope some scantily clad babe on a beach, no matter HOW much skin was exposed. So yes, you DO have self-control, but for some reason, you don't seem to believe that you "should" have to exercise it around your wife.

Your wife is married to you, but that does NOT mean that you get to have access to her body whenever and HOWEVER you please. She's still the "owner" of her body, and SHE still gets the final word in how it's treated, even by you.

I would think it is normal to touch your wife
.

You're not "touching" your wife; you're groping your wife. Would you like it if your wife punched you in the face and then said, "I LIKE 'touching' you!"? Same principle. There's "touching" and then there's TOUCHING. All "touching" is obviously not the same.

She disagrees. How does it work for your marriage
?

My late husband used to grope me at home and in public he used to slap me on the azz. He got away with the latter twice, also telling me that he "couldn't help it". The third time I yelled at him (in public). He later told me that I "humiliated" him. I told him that he humiliated me, and that I asked him NICELY twice not to do that, but he ignored me. As long as he continued to do that in public, I would continue to scream at him in public.

Funny. He magically stopped.

Should it be saved mainly for the bedroom, hands/lips off otherwise
Not necessarily, but use wisely. A quick kiss as you pass each other in the hallway...holding hands or putting your arm around her in public...a hug in the kitchen (limit your 'roaming hands', lol!), having her drape her legs over yours while watching t.v., all perfectly acceptable...as long as all this touching doesn't ALWAYS lead to sex!

Just a quick cautionary note...

Groping can lead to a wife becoming LD.
 
#14 ·
What is the rest of your relationship like?

This sort of a complain it usually due to the woman feeling like the only thing you are interested in is sex. You have no interest in her as a person.

How many hours a week do the two of you spend together doing date-like things, just the two of you? What sort of things do you do together?
 
#16 ·
This a typical wife response.

It is not a "wrong" response....but is one that saddens me and would cause me to pull back...why bother if everything is over-analyzed and immediately points to the "all you want is sex" response.

Men like sex...sex to men is communication....that is one "major" way that they [men] express their love.

You know this.....it has been spelled out in TAM postings, ad nauseum.

But, the mindset persists.....and here of all places.

Answer?

Don't go there....unless you truly believe your SO is a horny DOG and not a physically passionate MAN.
 
#19 ·
On this topic over the past 2 weeks, I've been touched a lot. Mostly at Home but a little outside. I love it. It is sending me a love message. Not a Sex message. But then again we celebrate 29 years later this month. We've had some time to learn each other. I would say that I'm getting more touch this week than my wife is. She doesn't need it like I do. She prefers her touch in the form of Massage.

On the other hand Sunday she was in the book all day. There was no effective verbal communication.
 
#27 · (Edited)
It depends on how it's done, how often and where.

Be careful not to make her feel that you love her only for her looks. It may help to balance the interest you show sexually with the interest in nonsexual ways.

Does it really matter if 99% of women like being groped when she does not? She does have a right to decide what she likes without needing to defend her preferences to her husband?

I occasionally tease by discreetly grouping my husband in a public place when he can't do anything about it. I don't do it frequently or the same way or place. He never knows when it's coming. >:)

Would it be satisfying if she groped you the way you like? No reason she can't cater to your preferences while you cater to her's.

I don't like him grouping me every time I pass him in the house or wear a pair of shorts. I have to be in the mood. It's different for him, he is almost always in the mood.

We respect our differences. He does not do things I don't like and neither do I. We are different people and allowed to like and dislike different things.
 
#30 · (Edited)
I occasionally tease by discreetly grouping my husband in a public place when he can't do anything about it. I don't do it frequently or the same way or place. He never knows when it's coming. >:)
O.... M.... G....


You know @Catherine602 men are not just pieces of meat. We are human beings with feelings.


Oh my,
Badsanta
 
#29 ·
How much groping is too much?
If it's more than she wants, it's too much.

Read Mem's temperature thread. Sound like you really need it.

Interesting groping story:

I used to grope my wife's breasts often.

Once she pulled away, obviously annoyed. She could tell I was a bit disturbed so she explained that "sometimes" she just wasn't in the mood. I subsequently completely stopped touching her breasts outside of sex. She noticed and said that it was because my male ego was bruised and I shouldn't be so sensitive. I disagreed. When I picked her up from the airport after a business trip, she'd spend an hour straight telling me all about her week. I asked her what she would do if I ever said "sometimes I'm just not in the mood to listen to your stories for an hour". She acknowledged that she'd never do it again. Although I still give her the occasional grope, she can sense that I'm just doing it for effect and misses feeling sexual. The weird thing is that that was mostly why I was doing it in the first place; bringing more of a sexual edge to her and the relationship (and, by the way, it was working).
 
#79 ·
Perhaps it was the frequency? Or the location? When I was married I liked being held/kissed/touched but the location was an issue - if it was at work, whether it was where someone could see us or not, it made me uncomfortable as others could walk in at any moment who I would see at work every day.
 
#31 ·
My husband constantly gropes me, snacks my ass and dry humps me. I would think something was wrong with him if he didn't. He also makes it a point to peek his head in at least once while I'm in the bathtub.

He rarely does it in public though. Although I wouldn't mind the occasional butt squeeze or smack.
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#34 ·
My husband constantly gropes me, snacks my ass and dry humps me. I would think something was wrong with him if he didn't. He also makes it a point to peek his head in at least once while I'm in the bathtub.

He rarely does it in public though. Although I wouldn't mind the occasional butt squeeze or smack.
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If I had it to do my life all over again, I would design the master bathtub completely out of glass. I would have my mancave directly below in the basement with a remote that opens a skylight (a "tublight" in my case). Underneath would be a couch to where I could stare up at my wife bathing and day dream about her, or for when she is not bathing I would close the skylight and catch up on some Game of Thrones episodes on my widescreen TV!



If only.... (daydreaming about it right now....)

Badsanta
 
#33 · (Edited)
As someone said, groping is without feeling and is done as a power play. Fondling is done with love.

Interesting question. I fondle my wife also. There are times when she lets me and other times when she brushes me off. I think a woman needs to be sure that she is respected and loved for what she is rather than just lusted upon for her boobs and ass. When my wife is cooking in the kitchen, I come up behind her and peek at what she is doing, with my hands on her waist as I move them up. Sometimes I move to her boobs, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I squeeze her butt. Other times I don't. Sometimes I just playfully pull her hair and stroke it (she likes that). Or kiss behind her neck. I do different things so she does not know what's coming.

Do you do other things that fall in the romance category? Do you date your wife? Do you buy her gifts, do thoughtful things for her, appreciate her abilities and what she does for you? If not, try those first for some time until she feels that you love her. Then she will be more amenable to you fondling her.

If you do fondle her and she brushes you off, don't mope or yell at her or get angry. Don't let it bother you, make sure it doesn't look like you are miffed and then try again at the right time.

Make sure you are also aware of where and in front of whom you do it. My wife is petrified of the kids seeing or her parents being around. She is not too comfortable with PDA, like if I kiss her on a public street ("what will people think?").
 
#37 ·
My wife doesn't mind a little fondling.

But the breasts are completely, utterly, totally off limits for some reason. Perfectly okay during sex, NEVER okay at any other time. It makes her angry. Honestly, it's weird, but it's her thing. Her nether regions are off limits, too. Anything else - perfectly okay.

I've asked her about it in the past, and she has no idea why this is.

She also never fondles me, either. She may rub my thigh once in a while, but it's completely non-sexual. In almost 8 years, she's never once touched my junk, grabbed my butt, nothing. There's no sexual touching allowed unless we're having sex. :(

Basically no playing around. It's all or nothing, and honestly, it sucks. But it is what it is.
 
#40 ·
I believe in the theory that once a woman has kids and is done having kids, then her mode switch flips to being a mom and no longer in the lover mode. I see this in my wife as well. She would initiate and be more sexual when were in the baby making mode. Even after our first one. After the second, that is it.

Some women here will blame the husband for this again as they normally do, but this is my observation in my own case, from reading here and from other people.
 
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