My husband and I have been married for 2 years and dated for 6 years before that. We started having sex a year after dating. We haven't had sex in 5 months now, & I've been going crazy over it for the past 3!! I don't know how much longer I can take!!!
First off, some background: I (the wife) have never been able to orgasm either by myself or with my husband (who is the only man I've ever been sexually active with). I've been told by people that I must have a mental block about orgasming. While we were dating, I know for sure that was the case because I was raised that sex should be saved for married, & in my mind I thought what I was doing was wrong. But now that we're married, I don't feel like anything is inhibiting me. I REALLY want to be able to orgasm, but in the moment when we're having sex, I honestly don't really think about it. It's only after we're done (more like after he's done) that I lie there in bed thinking "Wow, that sucked. I'm so unsatisfied and still very horny."
My husband has always been on the bigger side (lineman in football body type) but he's gained 100 lbs. in the past 2 years while I've remained the same. He is now in the morbidly obese category (6'0", 295 lbs, very little muscle). I know this will sound terrible, but to be honest, his weight COMPLETELY repulses me! I find him absolutely disgusting from the neck down. I love him (his mind, his personality, his soul) with everything in me, but when it comes to his body, I find him disgusting and a total turn-off. Making love to him physically is like making love to Flubber (the green blob). His boobs are bigger than mine, and I have 34C's!! Talk about a turn-off!! Plus, I feel like his stomach gets in the way of us being successful at trying new sex positions. I feel like he can never go in as deep as he is able to.
He and I discuss everything; we've always had great communication skills. However, in this case, I've probably over-communicated to him in the past how I feel about his body. He knows I find him repulsive physically, & obviously he's not happy about this. I imagine this is the primary reason he stopped asking me for sex 6 months ago. I do everything I can to help him lose weight: I cook all of our meals at home, am SUPER meticulous about the quality of ingredients I buy & any potential allergens that could cause unnecessary inflammation in the body, make his breakfasts each morning & pack his lunches for when he goes to work, and encourage him and keep on top of him when it comes to exercising. He exercises for 60-90 minutes at the gym 4-5 times per week, but still hasn't been losing weight!! I don't know what's wrong with him! I know in the past he's secretly eaten food without me knowing; I know this because he always fesses up to it later & gets all guilty about it and gives me the "I'm determined to change" speech. I've yet to see any results from his supposed "determination". I'm fairly certain he's stopped this eating behind my back because I haven't seen any restaurant charges on our credit cards & I know when he withdraws cash from our bank account.
When it comes to his weight & our sex life, he knows that he needs to shrink in order to improve our sex life. But it seems like that's never going to happen! I mean, he's been trying to lose just 20 lbs for the past 9 months!! Meanwhile, I'm over here getting SOOOO unbelievably sexually frustrated!!! But since I can't orgasm, I don't know if my sexual frustration is more physical or emotional. All I know is that I want to have hot, steamy sex with my husband!! I've resorted to romance novels and movies and tv shows with steamy sex scenes: they're my escape. But then I'll start fantasizing about the actor/character & then I'll start feeling guilty over the fact that the majority of sexual thoughts that arouse me don't involve my husband at all... like I'm mentally cheating on him with fictional characters! Of course, I don't want this to happen & know theres no substitute for the real thing. I want the real thing so badly!! But when I do get the real thing, I want it to actually be good, not another let-down. We're both in our mid/late 20's, and I feel like this is the time in our lives when we should be having the most amazing sex! I mean, if we don't have it now, WHEN will we?!?! Will it ever even happen?!!?
I don't know how to make this happen, though. I want to be a good, understanding, caring, supportive wife who loves her husband unconditionally, but I don't know how else to help him. There's just something about his rolls of fat that I can't get past when we're having sex! For as sexually frustrated as I am, I just see his fat and then am instantly turned off! Doesn't matter how horny I am/was; I see him without his shirt on (or even with his shirt on & his stomach popping out from underneath his shirt and spilling over his waistline) or I'll see him fully naked and instantly go from 100 to 0 on the sexual desire scale.
Side note: outside of our sex life, our normal life and marriage are absolutely wonderful. He is my best friend & I trust him with my life and happiness completely. Now if only the sex would match the rest of our life!
I want to change this SOOO BADLY but don't know what I can do! I've tried to psyche myself into enjoying sex with him, by telling myself "this feels so good" or "this is amazing" or "focus on the connection and intimacy" while we're having sex, but these mantras don't seem to increase my pleasure or desire at all. I always end up getting distracted by his giggling fat; it feels like I'm sitting on top of a giggling water bed. I feel like the ball is in his court. Trust me, if I could eat and exercise for him, I would!!! But since I can't, is there anything I can do to improve our sex life?
First off, some background: I (the wife) have never been able to orgasm either by myself or with my husband (who is the only man I've ever been sexually active with). I've been told by people that I must have a mental block about orgasming. While we were dating, I know for sure that was the case because I was raised that sex should be saved for married, & in my mind I thought what I was doing was wrong. But now that we're married, I don't feel like anything is inhibiting me. I REALLY want to be able to orgasm, but in the moment when we're having sex, I honestly don't really think about it. It's only after we're done (more like after he's done) that I lie there in bed thinking "Wow, that sucked. I'm so unsatisfied and still very horny."
My husband has always been on the bigger side (lineman in football body type) but he's gained 100 lbs. in the past 2 years while I've remained the same. He is now in the morbidly obese category (6'0", 295 lbs, very little muscle). I know this will sound terrible, but to be honest, his weight COMPLETELY repulses me! I find him absolutely disgusting from the neck down. I love him (his mind, his personality, his soul) with everything in me, but when it comes to his body, I find him disgusting and a total turn-off. Making love to him physically is like making love to Flubber (the green blob). His boobs are bigger than mine, and I have 34C's!! Talk about a turn-off!! Plus, I feel like his stomach gets in the way of us being successful at trying new sex positions. I feel like he can never go in as deep as he is able to.
He and I discuss everything; we've always had great communication skills. However, in this case, I've probably over-communicated to him in the past how I feel about his body. He knows I find him repulsive physically, & obviously he's not happy about this. I imagine this is the primary reason he stopped asking me for sex 6 months ago. I do everything I can to help him lose weight: I cook all of our meals at home, am SUPER meticulous about the quality of ingredients I buy & any potential allergens that could cause unnecessary inflammation in the body, make his breakfasts each morning & pack his lunches for when he goes to work, and encourage him and keep on top of him when it comes to exercising. He exercises for 60-90 minutes at the gym 4-5 times per week, but still hasn't been losing weight!! I don't know what's wrong with him! I know in the past he's secretly eaten food without me knowing; I know this because he always fesses up to it later & gets all guilty about it and gives me the "I'm determined to change" speech. I've yet to see any results from his supposed "determination". I'm fairly certain he's stopped this eating behind my back because I haven't seen any restaurant charges on our credit cards & I know when he withdraws cash from our bank account.
When it comes to his weight & our sex life, he knows that he needs to shrink in order to improve our sex life. But it seems like that's never going to happen! I mean, he's been trying to lose just 20 lbs for the past 9 months!! Meanwhile, I'm over here getting SOOOO unbelievably sexually frustrated!!! But since I can't orgasm, I don't know if my sexual frustration is more physical or emotional. All I know is that I want to have hot, steamy sex with my husband!! I've resorted to romance novels and movies and tv shows with steamy sex scenes: they're my escape. But then I'll start fantasizing about the actor/character & then I'll start feeling guilty over the fact that the majority of sexual thoughts that arouse me don't involve my husband at all... like I'm mentally cheating on him with fictional characters! Of course, I don't want this to happen & know theres no substitute for the real thing. I want the real thing so badly!! But when I do get the real thing, I want it to actually be good, not another let-down. We're both in our mid/late 20's, and I feel like this is the time in our lives when we should be having the most amazing sex! I mean, if we don't have it now, WHEN will we?!?! Will it ever even happen?!!?
I don't know how to make this happen, though. I want to be a good, understanding, caring, supportive wife who loves her husband unconditionally, but I don't know how else to help him. There's just something about his rolls of fat that I can't get past when we're having sex! For as sexually frustrated as I am, I just see his fat and then am instantly turned off! Doesn't matter how horny I am/was; I see him without his shirt on (or even with his shirt on & his stomach popping out from underneath his shirt and spilling over his waistline) or I'll see him fully naked and instantly go from 100 to 0 on the sexual desire scale.
Side note: outside of our sex life, our normal life and marriage are absolutely wonderful. He is my best friend & I trust him with my life and happiness completely. Now if only the sex would match the rest of our life!
I want to change this SOOO BADLY but don't know what I can do! I've tried to psyche myself into enjoying sex with him, by telling myself "this feels so good" or "this is amazing" or "focus on the connection and intimacy" while we're having sex, but these mantras don't seem to increase my pleasure or desire at all. I always end up getting distracted by his giggling fat; it feels like I'm sitting on top of a giggling water bed. I feel like the ball is in his court. Trust me, if I could eat and exercise for him, I would!!! But since I can't, is there anything I can do to improve our sex life?