I've read so many threads and also received so many earfuls from my own wife that she feels that I only care about sex and not her. I definitely love my wife for who she is and yes I am guilty of wanting to enjoy sex more often than she feels comfortable giving it to me. At the same time all the threads I read about men being accused of this also claim to love their wives as a person beyond belief. So what gives!
My wife was complaining to me the other day that once again that I just wanted her for sex. I turned the tables on her and complained that she can only see me as a penis in the house that just needs sex and not for the husband that truly loves her. I told her that viewing me solely as an object that only needs sex to be happy disgusted me and that if she has not gotten the message by now that I love her as a person it is because SHE is the one guilty of seeing me as just a sex object.
She stood in the doorway with a blank face, turned around, and then walked away.
Now I can deal with this and I am not upset or hurt in anyway. But it is as if I am starting to see the light a little better. If I try to be romantic and buy my wife flowers for no reason on a day that I am not even thinking about sex, when I give them to her she assumes I am giving them to her because A) I feel guilty about something or B) I want sex. We've gotten in heated discussions before where I call her out on these things and she admits that as a husband that I do everything I should to let her know that I love her but she says for reasons she can't understand that she does not fully believe that I love her.
I'm starting to think that the message given by society/church/parents/friends that the only thing most men want is to "get into a woman's pants" does serious harm.
Then I'm guilty of getting irritable sometimes if my wife does not make it a priority for us to be intimate, NOT because I need intimacy to be happy but because I put a great deal of work into my marriage and often do not feel like my wife would be willing to do the same for things I ask of her. That is what makes me irritable, and then I get blamed that my irritability is from not getting any sex which only makes it worse. When I'm talking about putting work into my marriage, I'm talking about making it a point to educate myself on a topic when my wife complains to me so that I can understand a different point of view when I do not agree with her on something so that we can settle a debate in a civilized way. But her reoccurring complaint that I just want her for sex, is NOT something I can educate myself about any further OR try to explain to her the ways in which I love her.
I'm a big boy and I can deal with this, but in my opinion it is a DOUBLE STANDARD, and women are the ones guilty of viewing us husbands solely as an object that wants sex while discounting every attempt of ours to tell you that we actually love YOU!!!
Somebody will reply with love languages, but this thread is for when even those fail to convey that us husbands love our wives. My wife needs me to give her words of affirmation which are met directly with her low self esteem and disbelief, acts of service which are met with her getting upset that I am just trying to get more sex, and gifts which are met with her getting upset that I am just trying to get more sex.
Badsanta
My wife was complaining to me the other day that once again that I just wanted her for sex. I turned the tables on her and complained that she can only see me as a penis in the house that just needs sex and not for the husband that truly loves her. I told her that viewing me solely as an object that only needs sex to be happy disgusted me and that if she has not gotten the message by now that I love her as a person it is because SHE is the one guilty of seeing me as just a sex object.
She stood in the doorway with a blank face, turned around, and then walked away.
Now I can deal with this and I am not upset or hurt in anyway. But it is as if I am starting to see the light a little better. If I try to be romantic and buy my wife flowers for no reason on a day that I am not even thinking about sex, when I give them to her she assumes I am giving them to her because A) I feel guilty about something or B) I want sex. We've gotten in heated discussions before where I call her out on these things and she admits that as a husband that I do everything I should to let her know that I love her but she says for reasons she can't understand that she does not fully believe that I love her.
I'm starting to think that the message given by society/church/parents/friends that the only thing most men want is to "get into a woman's pants" does serious harm.
Then I'm guilty of getting irritable sometimes if my wife does not make it a priority for us to be intimate, NOT because I need intimacy to be happy but because I put a great deal of work into my marriage and often do not feel like my wife would be willing to do the same for things I ask of her. That is what makes me irritable, and then I get blamed that my irritability is from not getting any sex which only makes it worse. When I'm talking about putting work into my marriage, I'm talking about making it a point to educate myself on a topic when my wife complains to me so that I can understand a different point of view when I do not agree with her on something so that we can settle a debate in a civilized way. But her reoccurring complaint that I just want her for sex, is NOT something I can educate myself about any further OR try to explain to her the ways in which I love her.
I'm a big boy and I can deal with this, but in my opinion it is a DOUBLE STANDARD, and women are the ones guilty of viewing us husbands solely as an object that wants sex while discounting every attempt of ours to tell you that we actually love YOU!!!
Somebody will reply with love languages, but this thread is for when even those fail to convey that us husbands love our wives. My wife needs me to give her words of affirmation which are met directly with her low self esteem and disbelief, acts of service which are met with her getting upset that I am just trying to get more sex, and gifts which are met with her getting upset that I am just trying to get more sex.
Badsanta